Don't understand

LegacyUser

Hi,

I wanted to start a thread because I'm quite confused.

I've been talking to a guy online for the past two weeks almost. Everything was fine, we exchanged almost 100 messages in just two days. Hence, I really thought we had some kind of connection as we would talk about anything.

Then, he told me he started to have a crush on me (which I did not take seriously). He really was perfect in every way possible. He insisted to have like a Skype date, which I agreed to.
I didn't feel comfortable with the camera, so we just talked instead. We talked for like 4 hours, and I had to stop the conversation myself because I was too tired.
Before login off Skype he asked me whether I would send him a mail in the morning and I said maybe. I genuinely thought he was interested.

Today, I send him a message joking and he didn't seem to thrilled as his only response was made of one word. As I like knowing where things stand, I sent him another mail saying " Just so we're clear, you don't plan on talking to mail again, do you " ? His only response was " I've been really busy ".

What in the hell is going on here ? The guy talks to me for four hours. He says he wants to meet me, and then he brushes me off like this ? I seriously don't understand.
What should I do ? I really liked him, he was perfect !


Thank you,

Ps : There is one thing that I think might have been a problem for him. I told him from day 1 I am not fully caucasian (which didn't seem to bother him as he found me really pretty supposedly). But I told him yesterday what exactly my heritage was, and I'm wondering that may have been the cause ?! I'm not sure. If that's the case, then I'm better off without him.

tricialou

GetIntoYourHead wrote: »

Hi,

I wanted to start a thread because I'm quite confused.

I've been talking to a guy online for the past two weeks almost. Everything was fine, we exchanged almost 100 messages in just two days. Hence, I really thought we had some kind of connection as we would talk about anything.

Then, he told me he started to have a crush on me (which I did not take seriously). He really was perfect in every way possible. He insisted to have like a Skype date, which I agreed to.
I didn't feel comfortable with the camera, so we just talked instead. We talked for like 4 hours, and I had to stop the conversation myself because I was too tired.
Before login off Skype he asked me whether I would send him a mail in the morning and I said maybe. I genuinely thought he was interested.

Today, I send him a message joking and he didn't seem to thrilled as his only response was made of one word. As I like knowing where things stand, I sent him another mail saying " Just so we're clear, you don't plan on talking to mail again, do you " ? His only response was " I've been really busy ".

What in the hell is going on here ? The guy talks to me for four hours. He says he wants to meet me, and then he brushes me off like this ? I seriously don't understand.
What should I do ? I really liked him, he was perfect !


Thank you,

Ps : There is one thing that I think might have been a problem for him. I told him from day 1 I am not fully caucasian (which didn't seem to bother him as he found me really pretty supposedly). But I told him yesterday what exactly my heritage was, and I'm wondering that may have been the cause ?! I'm not sure. If that's the case, then I'm better off without him.

He probably got bored! dont look too much into it! He did nt have a problem with your heritage at the start. theres only so much you can say to someone you dont know - I think he got bored!

LegacyUser

Maybe yes. I even asked him the question like " Are you bored " and he told me " I wouldn't be talking to you if I were ". I mean, three hours is pretty long to fake being interested.
I just feel like an idiot especially as he insisted on the fact that it would be " hard " to forget me if I were to stop talking to him.

Anyway.

stargazer 68

OP you have never met this guy (from what I understand). This happens all the time with the 'online' thing believe me! Don't get so worked up over someone you never met - for all you know he could be married with 10 kids.

Herrick

This is a common theme in OD OP I'm afraid. You can spend days/weeks talking to a person, even meet them a few times, feel like something is gonna come of it then a wall of silence.

One of two things has happened here I'm afraid. Either he got bored of you or he got talking (to what he thinks) is a better option. Sorry

It's possible he'll come back within a few days/weeks chatting again. If you can just outta interest throw an odd glance to see if he's been online, most sites will show it up in your inbox anyway. Usually whats happens is you'll get a an excuse varying from busy to some sort of problems going on. Which you could understand but for the fact they've been online 24/7

Which usually means it didn't work out with whoever took their fancy and their back to you, which is something I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate.

There's a thread here on Boards where you can discuss your OD experiences with others: Online Dating Thread

LegacyUser

Thank you very much.

It might be the reason why it did not work out. I mean, clash of personalities happen all the time. That would have been alright with it if he didn't say certain things.
What confuses me is that I don't really understand why he would tell me all those great things though like " It won't be easy forgetting you " or " I don't want to meet other people " " I only want you " (right before we ended the conversation). It's like he has a double personality. He even asked me whether I would send him a mail the day after.

I checked if he was online. Not only was he online all day, but his chat option was turned on (which clearly means he's been talking to someone). And I specifically remember that when we were exchanging messages, his chat option was clearly turned off. Does he really think I'm gonna believe his " I'm busy " excuse when he's clearly been online all day ?

I'll check the thread out. Thanks.

Piliger

OP - you know people do have lives. Family, work, study, issues, hobbies, all kinds of things that can interrupt life and prevent us from spending time online. I've experienced exactly the kind of intensive contact you had at the start. Some times the next day is a bad one and I can't go online. Maybe even for two days. Same thing happened to the other person. If I got a message asking if I were still interested after only one day ... I would feel very very pressured and back off quickly to be honest.

Herrick

Piliger wrote: »

OP - you know people do have lives. Family, work, study, issues, hobbies, all kinds of things that can interrupt life and prevent us from spending time online. I've experienced exactly the kind of intensive contact you had at the start. Some times the next day is a bad one and I can't go online. Maybe even for two days. Same thing happened to the other person. If I got a message asking if I were still interested after only one day ... I would feel very very pressured and back off quickly to be honest.

Well in regards to intensive he told the OP:

" It won't be easy forgetting you " or " I don't want to meet other people " " I only want you

This was while they were talking, long before she asked what was going on.

While I do understand your point about being busy and being able to be online, I'm afraid this doesn't seem the case.

He asked her to message him the next day. She did and gets a one word reply back. She would obviously think somethings up. She asks him and he replies I've been busy.

I'm sorry but if he has time to log in a and reply two very short messages to her, he has time to say "I have x issues going on, I will reply properly when I can"

Piliger

Herrick wrote: »

I'm sorry but if he has time to log in a and reply two very short messages to her, he has time to say "I have x issues going on, I will reply properly when I can"

I disagree. I have fired off one word replies form my iPhone often. And if my son was in an accident, or my mother ill or my job proved a problem or I broke my toe or fell down some stairs ..... or a long long list of other things ... I would put someone with whom I was chatting with only one day ... on the back burner for a couple of days knowing that if she had a clue in her body ... she would understand and relax.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your responses !

On Tuesday night, after he had told me he was busy, I sent him a message saying - " I thought you'd be honest enough to tell me you don't want to talk to me anymore ". He didn't respond.

Then, on Tuesday night again I sent him another message saying " Too bad, I enjoyed talking to you ". However, as I disabled my account right afterwards, I don't know whether he tried to send me a message back.

Last night I re-enabled my account to check if he was online and turns out he hasn't been online since Tuesday night (I think he's under the impression I deleted my account).

I don't know what to think.

Taltos

GetIntoYourHead wrote: »

On Tuesday night, after he had told me he was busy, I sent him a message saying - " I thought you'd be honest enough to tell me you don't want to talk to me anymore ". He didn't respond.

OP - you know - chances are he was busy and your over the top reaction to him not being available well frankly if it was me - would scare me the hell away.

That and disabling your account just seem like over-reactions to me. Sometimes you just have to wait or stop your brain from imagining the worst. More than likely this relationship is a bust now - if not before probably after these texts it probably is. Please learn from it though - try to relax a bit more and don't jump to conclusions when people just get back immediately or reply with curt answers.

If someone says they are busy - they are normally just that - not always, but quite often if it quacks like a duck...

LegacyUser

You guys are absolutely right ! Despite the fact that I still believe his " busy " story is a bit fishy. He even asked me twice (during our talk) whether or not I wanted to talk to him again on Skype.


Instead of just sending him a normal message telling him it was nice to talk to him, I literally went over the top. I'm pretty sure he's now under the impression I deteled my account. He hasn't been on since I last sent him that mail on Tuesday and disabled my account.



I realize I messed up big big time. I'm going to let it cool down for a while and probably try to re-contact him in the weeks to come with an apology mail first. To be fairly honest, my reaction would scare me the hell away too ! So clingy, needy and childlish. I've definitely learned from my own stupidity.

LegacyUser

I think you guys are absolutely right ! Despite the fact that his " I'm busy " story sounds quite fishy to me, I should have given him the benefit of the doubt.
I just recall that he asked me (while we were talking) twice whether or not I wanted to talk to him again. I said yes, but I was so exhausted my " yes " did not sound convincing.

He hasn't been online since that Tuesday night after I sent him this creepy email and disabled my account. I suppose he is now under the impression that I deleted my account for good.

I completely overrreacted and went over the top. If I were him, I'd be scared too. My attitude was clingy, needy and childlish. However, he was the one who asked me to send him a mail. Hence, I got really confused when he told me he was busy.
I have to admit I was influenced by those websites which state " If he says I'm busy, it means it's over ".

I think I'm going to let the whole thing cool down and then send him an apology email in a few days.

jellygems

GetIntoYourHead wrote: »

I think you guys are absolutely right ! Despite the fact that his " I'm busy " story sounds quite fishy to me, I should have given him the benefit of the doubt.
I just recall that he asked me (while we were talking) twice whether or not I wanted to talk to him again. I said yes, but I was so exhausted my " yes " did not sound convincing.

He hasn't been online since that Tuesday night after I sent him this creepy email and disabled my account. I suppose he is now under the impression that I deleted my account for good.

I completely overrreacted and went over the top. If I were him, I'd be scared too. My attitude was clingy, needy and childlish. However, he was the one who asked me to send him a mail. Hence, I got really confused when he told me he was busy.
I have to admit I was influenced by those websites which state " If he says I'm busy, it means it's over ".

I think I'm going to let the whole thing cool down and then send him an apology email in a few days.

dont email him, learn from it and move on

ibarelycare

Leave him be OP, don't bother contacting him again, there's no point.

Online dating has its ups and downs. It can be a great way of meeting people but you're bound to have some disappointments/let-downs along the way. Just learn from this, and keep going with the online dating