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Feel damaged emotionally

  • 14-08-2012 7:45pm
    #1
    lubella
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭


    I'm just looking for peoples advice on how to deal with how I'm feeling lately. So I went through a really bad break up at the start of the year and it was probably my first real serious relationship. I was devastated and so hurt by the person whom I really trusted and thought it was going somewhere. So I know everybody goes through this but I took it bad.

    After a few months I decided to put myself out there again in the hope that it would help me move on. Well I don't know what I'm doing wrong. At first I thought I can start seeing someone without taking things serious and leaving myself at risk of getting hurt again but all these old feelings are surfacing. A guy I had been seeing on and off now seems to be using me and its only all dawning on me now. He's showed no signs of wanting to make things serious and from the start i knew this and thought at the time it wouldn't bother me but I would never have been the type of girl to get into casual arrangements like this and it's making me wonder what the hell is wrong with me that its all just dawning on me now. This has just made me even more upset and suspicious of guys because i'm afraid any guy I get with is going to really hurt me and so i'm terrified of getting involved but at the same time miss that companionship. I feel terribly insecure about myself and I still feel like my heart is wounded and I'm just going to keep damaging myself by getting involved with the wrong people. I don't even recognise myself anymore. I don't feel I can be that happy carefree girl around guys like I once was. It's like something inside me died.


Comments

  • #2
    Ellsbells
    Closed Accounts Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Ellsbells


    You said it yourself - your heart is wounded. Give it time to mend and be single for a while. we make bad choices when we are not fully emotionally healthy so take time to heal and then try again


  • #3
    Gooner111
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 116 ✭✭Gooner111


    Ellsbells wrote: »
    You said it yourself - your heart is wounded. Give it time to mend and be single for a while. we make bad choices when we are not fully emotionally healthy so take time to heal and then try again

    +1.

    The ending of a relationship is a very hard time. Like with other things it takes time to recover and move on.

    I got out of an 8 year relationship last year and just recently out of a 7 month relationship - I should never have had this one! Being lonely made me want companionship (still does!!) and resulted in me not spotting the signs that I was just being used by her.

    When you do go for another relationship don't let yourself settle for just anyone, take your time to get to know the person by taking things slow - if they like you they won't mind. Make sure your on the same page with the person and hopefully you will find what your looking for.

    In the mean time try go out more with friends/start making new friends. Join the gym or swimming club etc. Having hobbies will distract you and use up your time. Consentrate on yourself for now.


  • #4
    lubella
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭lubella


    Gooner111 wrote: »
    When you do go for another relationship don't let yourself settle for just anyone, take your time to get to know the person by taking things slow - if they like you they won't mind. Make sure your on the same page with the person and hopefully you will find what your looking for.

    Thanks for the advice. This really resonated with me. I think I have been forcing myself to get out there too much when I really haven't fell up to it. I guess I was just hoping at the back of my mind that the perfect relationship would just fall into my lap and everything would be great again but I have to face facts that it just doesn't happen that easy and maybe it will happen when I least expect it with someone who is on the same page as me instead of forcing something that just isn't there. Like you said I'm just going to concentrate on other things and having fun for now.


  • #5
    Ellsbells
    Closed Accounts Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Ellsbells


    I find the perfect relationship falls in your lap when you are not hunting for it. Enjoy yourself.


  • #6
    lubella
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭lubella


    Ellsbells wrote: »
    I find the perfect relationship falls in your lap when you are not hunting for it. Enjoy yourself.

    Thanks for the advice Ellsbells..I know you're right. Just finding it all more hassle than its worth right now which I guess is a sign that I'm jaded with it so best to just concentrate on myself for awhile like you said.


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