Am I wrong for wanting a bit of privacy?

LegacyUser

I am on Facebook to keep in touch with people but I don't post photos or my every thought up there. I have removed the ability for people to tag me and if someone posts on my wall about something that I'd rather people didn't see then I delete it and either text or private message my response back to th person.

A friend recently challanged me about this and said that I was being self conscious by not being tagged on Facebook and I should delete my account if I was going to delete posts.

Am I wrong for just using facebook to keep in touch with people without wanting everything up there like some people, including this friend, she has 2,000 photos and posts at least once a day?

ViveLaVie

vgtydfi wrote: »

I am on Facebook to keep in touch with people but I don't post photos or my every thought up there. I have removed the ability for people to tag me and if someone posts on my wall about something that I'd rather people didn't see then I delete it and either text or private message my response back to th person.

A friend recently challanged me about this and said that I was being self conscious by not being tagged on Facebook and I should delete my account if I was going to delete posts.

Am I wrong for just using facebook to keep in touch with people without wanting everything up there like some people, including this friend, she has 2,000 photos and posts at least once a day?

No not at all. It's good to be cautious about what you post online. I assume you leave some wall posts up?

The fact is it's your account and you don't have to answer to anyone about what you want on it.

LegacyUser

ViveLaVie wrote: »

No not at all. It's good to be cautious about what you post online. I assume you leave some wall posts up?

The fact is it's your account and you don't have to answer to anyone about what you want on it.

Ya it's not blank by any means. I also have an unusual surname and am job hunting so I don't want potential employers seeing something they shouldn't. (Big companies can by-pass privacy settings, I've seen it happen first hand).

wylo

it depends really as to WHY you want the privacy, only you can answer that with true honesty.

Of course you're not wrong to want to keep your private life to yourself, but if the stuff thats being posted on your wall is just menial stuff and you are deleting it then your friend may have a point. You may be very self conscious or insecure and maybe that should be something worth examining.

Im not saying for you to purposefully leave wall posts up for the sake of it, but rather try and examine yourself what it is you really do hate about people seeing.
We can use the privacy/job hunting/etc etc reasons and often they are legit, but often people are just so self conscious that they feel uncomfortable having their pictures displayed to others.
Is there an option to even keep your wall totally private, even from friends? thus forcing people to message you?


Dont mind your friend, he/she is just the other side of the same coin.

Sleepy

Change your surname on the site if you don't want to be found (e.g. use the Irish version of your name or Johnny LikesBoats instead of Murphy).

A lot of my friends who are teachers etc. have used the above tactics to avoid their students finding them.

Stavro Mueller

You sound perfectly normal to me. It never ceases to amaze me what some people put up on facebook. It's not unreasonable not to want to be tagged if you don't want to be. The same if you're a private person and don't want certain things on your wall. What sorts of posts are you deleting though? If they're innocuous enough posts maybe it could be considered to be a bit draconian. I don't know. Regardless, it's your Facebook page and you're entitled to run it however you want.

DaisyD2

vgtydfi wrote: »

I am on Facebook to keep in touch with people..,

Am I wrong for just using facebook to keep in touch with people without wanting everything up there like some people, including this friend, she has 2,000 photos and posts at least once a day?

Quite honestly I'd tell her to get a life Off Facebook. We all have people on our accts that do this & for my two cents I ignore it or block them if it comes to it.

I value my privacy & due nature of my job I use different last name (as suggested above), update privacy settings (yeah, thanks FB for constantly fiddling with those) regularily & to the max it will allow. I don't "like" lyons tea or my local salon & use it purely to "network" with family & friends I actually know & interact in real world with :-) but for one reason or another these actual real people (gasp!) are scattered around the world - for that I am grateful for its existence & nothing has brought more pleasure then the comments posted under 20/30yro photos I uploaded that family had never even seen or knew existed but that doesn't mean I want any Tom, Dick or Harriet looking through them.

Nothing at all wrong with wanting privacy on it & I wouldn't feel bad about blocking people either. I've unfriended very close family as I don't want or need to see their friends photos of their tagged drunken antics - wish their were more like us who gave a thought to privacy & if it keeps evolving the way I think its going I will be giving thought to deleting it altogether & it will be nobodys decision or business but my own

Toast4532

You aren't wrong at all. Your friend was wrong to challenge you on it though, what you do or don't do with your Facebook page is your business and nobody else's and don't have to answer or explain to anyone why you delete x, y or z.

LegacyUser

My OH is very shy and private and she isn't on FB as a consequence. One of the good things about FB is that you can use it any way you like. I try to encourage herself to use it to stay in touch with old friends, arrange social events and leave the day to day stuff to the exhibitionists.

xxmeabhxx

There's nothing wrong with wanting some privacy. I'm sometimes shocked by the information people share on facebook. A few years ago when I was in school a girl organising our debs posted her address on everyone's facebook wall so we could go to her house and collect tickets. There were about 120 people going so think of how big her friends of friends network must be! Anyone who's a friend with any of those 120 people would have seen it and all it would take is for one person to have a public wall for it to available to literally anyone in the world. This was an isolated incident but I've seen other people provide google maps of their house if they're having a party there and I'm not fond of the option to "check in" it kinda screams "I'm in this exact place at this exact time, come get me murderers!" it just seems like people are gradually becoming careless! It's annoying the way facebook changes their site so often. I deliberately only have my job title visible to my friends but since facebook has last changed their privacy settings it's been changed to public! Anyone can stalk you if they know where you're working/studying/going to school five days a week and have a picture of you. Btw I'm not a technophob, I'm studying computer science in college and I use the internet all the time and I think it's great that it's so quick to look up things or do certain tasks but I think people are getting less cautious about what they put up. It seems a bit extreme to be going on about dangers of it but can you honestly imagine any stalker not googling a name as step no. one? Had bit of a rant there but I think a lot of people are too careless about their online safety.

daisybelle2008

vgtydfi wrote: »

A friend recently challanged me about this and said that I was being self conscious by not being tagged on Facebook and I should delete my account if I was going to delete posts.

Am I wrong for just using facebook to keep in touch with people without wanting everything up there like some people, including this friend, she has 2,000 photos and posts at least once a day?

You are neither wrong nor right. You just have a different opinion about how to use facebook. I don't think it is necessary to draw battle lines and pick a side. You feel how you feel and why should you feel the need to justify it to her or anyone?

I mean her statement about you being self-concious is not entirely incorrect. You are concious about not having private information about your self up on facebook.

I don't see the personal issue here. No two people are going to have the same opionion on how Facebook privacy, you are just on different ends of a scale. Lifes rich tapestry and all that.

I would agree with Wylo, examine your need for privacy objectively. The fact that you kind of want to make your friend 'wrong' and yourself 'right' about it would indicate that maybe it is worth examining objectively.

EricPraline

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

I would agree with Wylo, examine your need for privacy objectively. The fact that you kind of want to make your friend 'wrong' and yourself 'right' about it would indicate that maybe it is worth examining objectively.

I don't think the OP is trying to justify themselves or prove that they are in the right. It's not unreasonable for them to decide how much/little they want to use the site and the extent to which they wish to reveal personal details.

For me, the problem is the friend's assertion that the OP must use FB in the same way as her, or delete their account. Imho the friend's inability to at least understand the OP's privacy concerns around FB use suggests that this friend has a pretty poor understanding of social media.

rainbowtrout

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

I would agree with Wylo, examine your need for privacy objectively. The fact that you kind of want to make your friend 'wrong' and yourself 'right' about it would indicate that maybe it is worth examining objectively.

Not necessarily. The type of stuff the OP is deleting is probably stuff that she would prefer to discuss with a few close friends in person/by phone rather than have everyone she is friends with on FB read. Her friend doesn't think the same.


E.g. her friend may post something along the lines of 'So how did the date with X go last night?'

For some reason people think it's ok to post stuff like that on a person's public wall, now it's not incredibly private stuff, anyone might see you out anyway but I know if I was in that situation I wouldn't necessarily want everyone I'm friends with to know I was on a date or leaving it on my wall as a source of gossip.

I have my settings set so if I'm tagged it needs my approval before being displayed. Some people are snap happy when they are out and won't leave you alone and want to put photos up online that you didn't want taken in the first place let alone be put up online. I don't think it's at all unusual to want privacy.

LegacyUser

Hi op.No there is nothing wrong with that!.i use fb and like you i don't do the whole pics and posting stats about the smallest stupidest things etc.Most of my friends know i am always been the quiet shy sort and know what i look like in person etc.i like to go to events and nights out without photos been taken and then having the whole thing documented on fb.Anyone who wishes to talk to me i usually have them send me a private message.

LegacyUser

vgtydfi wrote: »

I am on Facebook to keep in touch with people but I don't post photos or my every thought up there. ..

Am I wrong for just using facebook to keep in touch with people without wanting everything up there like some people, including this friend, she has 2,000 photos and posts at least once a day?

As others have said, you have the right to use your account anyway you like . I feel much the same. However my solution was to delete the facebook page and use other means to keep in contact with friends and family abroad.

I don't believe that a facebook page will ever be complete private and therefore you must decide if the level of privacy available is worth the convenience of having the account.