Im 22 and never felt so alone and depressed. Can anyone please help me?

MaryMak39

I am a 22 year old girl and I am so so lonely and depressed. I am working as a receptionist and have a steady income (I wont get rich from it but I do have about 20k saved up) but I have no where to go or no one to spend it on or with. I have a best friend from when I was 5, but I feel we are drifting lately as he is the social type and wants to mix with everyone but I dont drink that much and find when I do go drinking with him or his friends I feel pressured or looked on as a freak when I dont do shots or get off my head.

I have a bf too since I was 16 but we have our issues mainly with trust on his side. He doesnt trust me and is always accusing me of meeting other people when I ring him off my house phone constantly and even gave him access to my phone records. All he said was I could have a second phone to ring someone off. He rarely has a normal conversation with me and we go no where and he always gives out to me and comments on other girls too or goes on about sex. I just tried talking to him about how I feel and he just said Im f**d up of this aswell and were going nowhere.

I have had 3 abortions in the past when I was younger which I regret each day and a miscarriage and most recently in the last month an ectopic pregnancy which the doctors told me I am now 10% infertile.

I have a terrible inability to make decisions. I cant even decide what I want for dinner this evening. I am taking my anger out on my mother aswell and I dont like myself for this. I want to go back to college but then I cant decide what to do. I always wanted to do something business related (HR management or accounting) but recently after been in hospital I though I might like to be a midwife or work in healthcare and help people but I have told no one this as they may laugh at me. Also my mam is advising me to stay working for money but I have learned the hard way money doesnt make you happy.

I am just so depressed. I mean I should be hanging over today at a friends house eating junk food but instead im at home hanging out with my mother ringing my boyfriend every half our to reassure him im home. I hate myself and the way I am but I dont know what to do. Can ANYONE please help or shed some light on what I should do?

Morag

Go to your dr and explain how you are feeling and get a referral to see a counsellor.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear about your troubles OP. Firstly, I would say dump that boyfriend of yours, he sounds abusive and controlling, and horrible. He's nothing but bad news, you should not be putting up with it. You do not deserve to be treated like that. Talking about other girls, accusing you of cheating, you don't have "normal" conversations? And you never do anything together. Why are you with him OP? Get rid of him and you will be able to make room for someone decent in your life. It sounds like your confidence is at a low, and having him around is not going to help it.
I would recommend going to some counselling for yourself, it would help you to come out of the depression, and would help with your self esteem. You've been through an awful lot with the abortions, and miscarriage, and it could be a great help to receive some support for this.
If you want to go back to college, you should! 20k is a lot of money for someone so young, you could always keep a part time job to get you through college, and it would be a great way to meet new people! And in the long run, with a degree you can make much more money in the future, so it would pay off.
Best of luck op.

a fat guy

Dump your boyfriend, hang out with your family more, apply for a course in something people-related (Hospital type stuff, psychology, business roles involving human resources, etc) and use your savings to finance it.

This is what you should do, but right now you're in such a rut that you don't want to do anything, let alone try to solve the situation. That's where we boardsies come in.

Your boyfriend of the past six years is literally no good for you. He's controlling, paranoid and certainly needs to sort himself out before he's actually capable of sustaining a relationship. It'd do the both of you some good to break up right now and be done with it.

You claim to have no friends, but you can get plenty of them through college and your family. It's much easier than you'd think when you and other people are forced into a situation (college) and neither of you have a choice but to befriend each other!

In all honesty, I think that the sooner you apply for a new college course and dump your boyfriend, the better.

Good luck!

shortys94

Do you, start going to gym, start a hobby, and research what you wanna do career wise

AnonoBoy

Lose the boyfriend and get some counselling.