GF texting "good friend" pfffttt

nowayout1

i've been with my girlfriend since march of this year. theres a guy she always texts before she moved out it was grand but when she moved out and i stay over in hers for 2 or 3 nights 2 times a week she texts him and its not during the day he'd text at 11:30pm seeing if she's still awake when he goes from he GFs back to his and they know each other for the past 6 years and she said he helped her through some stuff and she's wanting to meet up with him in dublin where he works. she's used before that he's like a brother. when ever we've had disargeements she on her phone texting him, i asked her could she stop him texting as much and she went ballistic at my idea saying "he's a brother to me" and all of her guy friends are like "brothers". she has more guy friends than girls and used that i'm paranoid, crazy and don't trust her. i do trust her but i don't trust him. its like yesterday we had an argument and she texted him and texted him back last night when i went to get a chinese takeaway and texted back when we were going to sleep so i turned over and didn't want to know. I'm not a jealous person or paranoid, i simply don't trust other guys until i meet them and my opinion changes to liking them or not. she's said he's welcome to stay over in hers and i can imagine walking in and there all cuddly cause he's a brother figure to her and walk away if i seen them like that. he did say in a text that he didn't send that in 5 years if both of them were single they should give it a shot in dating. she mentioned last night that he texts her alot when hes in work like 90% of the time, i asked myself does he text his GF as much as her.


she and his gf are 21 and he's 22 and i'm 23
should he have more cop on and and text as much cause she's a BF?
what should i do?

Kimia

Your girlfriend is being very disrespectful to you. Of course she is free to have male friends but texting them while in bed with you late at night is unacceptable. She doesn't appear to be taking your feelings into account here at all I'm afraid.

Librium

You should invite him and his gf over to your house for dinner and drinks. Get the full measure of the man. Watch them like a hawk. Try and figure out if there is a latent sexual attraction between them. I wouldn't settle for being the second third or fourrh most important man in my partners life. If her loyalty to her friends supersedes her commitment to you I would be on the look out for a new woman, there is no future there

nowayout1

thanks i was naughty this morning when she left the room she closed the door and i checked her phone from the messages and was just goodnight but i didn't like that regardless she shouldn't of text him back then and they put exs in there texts so i dunno whats going on there.

Librium

To be honest there is a serious trust problem in your relationship. You should address that

daisybelle2008

OP your post is very hard to read the words & sentences are very jumbled. But it looks like you don't trust your girlfriend (saying you trust her but not other fellas does not make any sense). You have been checking her phone, which clearly indicates you don't trust her.
I would say as you clearly are threatened by the amount of male pals she has and how close she is to them, then you should think about moving on and finding someone you are more compatible with and have less drama with.
You have only been together a few months and this appears to be a big issue, not sure if it is fair to expect her to change to your ideal of how she should behave. Maybe just accept this is not the girl for you instead of getting frustrated with her and snooping.

Piliger

OP - you are dating a girl for only a few months and already you are crazily jealous about her staying in contact with her friends at times YOU consider inappropriate, and snooping in her phone...........!

You have a real trust problem and apart from this relationship, which is doomed by the way you are behaving imho, I would suggest to you that you really need to step back and rethink what you believe a relationship is. It doesn't give you the right to expect a girl to cut herself off from friends or to decide what times are appropriate. It doesn't give you the right to have any control or input into how she conducts her social life and it doesn't give you the right to violate her privacy by inspecting her phone.

Your future relationships will suffer enormously if you continue in this vein. And I really hope that you will adjust your views, for your own sake.

All the best

Cupcake_Crisis

OP, you seem to have huge trust issues with your gf You've been a part of her life for 5 months, he's been a part of it for 6 years!! He's obviously very important to her and I think you need to have more respect for that. In the time they've known each other has anything sexual ever happened between them? If not, what makes you so sure it will?

B.A._Baracus

I think the last few replies are a tad bit harsh to the op.

Lets look at the facts. He is only dating the girl for 5 months. Relationship is still early days. There is another guy who is texting her all the time (even when he is in work, before going to bed etc)

Putting myself in the op's shoes. I would have a problem too. I would be Suspicious.


For what its worth op. It sounds to me that they have been romantically involved in the past. Their relationship sounds too 'close' - The Kicker is, she is in a relationship with you and he is with someone else now. Normally when people are friends after being involed. They dial back. Because the intimacy is no longer present. So this is worrying ....

Catari Jaguar

He was on the scene first. They've been in each other's lives for SIX years. If she dropped him for you she'd be a terrible friend. Get over it.

blatantrereg

Was she texting him to tell him about your argument? I'd consider that inappropriate. Also texting while in bed with you would be pretty annoying.

I'd see reason to be annoyed if she keeps bringing him in on your stuff together: Texting him while you're having coupley time, or telling him too much detail of your relationship.

P. Breathnach

I think it would be unreasonable for OP to ask or demand that his girlfriend get rid of a long-standing friend.

But I think that it would also be unreasonable of her to be in contact with that friend at certain times. A couple should have a private zone, not particularly defined by time or place, but by circumstance. If OP and his girlfriend are having an argument, texting any friend (male or female) during the argument is inappropriate; exchanging goodnight messages with another man while in bed with OP is inappropriate.

It's not a matter of her breaking a friendship; it's a matter of her maintaining the right boundaries.

I have been happily married for a long time, but I'd be upset if my wife constantly texted one of her male friends from our bed late at night.

fungun

If you are going to go out with one of those girls who hangs around with guys more than girls, you are going to have to either trust her or you will be very unhappy.

However, when i went out with a girl like that in the past, i did bring up that i didnt like her talking to some of her male friends about our arguments etc. In terms of which ones, I asked her go through her friends and ask who she thought would shag her if she came on to them....and then talked to her about a time when we had had an argument and she was out for a night....the fact that i knew she was upset/hurt, having a few drinks and talking about the issue with a guy who would shag her given half a chance. She kind of understood from that that it wasnt that i didnt trust her but more that i was worried about her being a bit vulnerable at times specifically with this sub-section of her friends.

So we kinda came to a compromise that way - she agreed not to talk about our lives with some of them...and to be honest the ones that she really wanted as friends were the ones i liked and trusted anyway. Just needs an honest and open conversation

However:

there all cuddly cause he's a brother figure to her

I know this hast happened yet but stuff like this is not on. If she sees him as a 'brother', then arent cuddly. Its one or the other or you know she is dissimulating

Angeles

Piliger wrote: »

OP - you are dating a girl for only a few months and already you are crazily jealous about her staying in contact with her friends at times YOU consider inappropriate,

I think the majority of people in this situation would consider this inappropriate.

OP you are just doing your head in with this one. Double checking, feeling insecure, lack of trust. Now if you personally have a history of this, i don't know but you are not going to resolve it either way being in this type of relationship.

It sounds to me that she has very strong relationships with her friends and based on your OP, something I'd consider a little to strong for any relationship to feel comfortable. She sounds like she is prioritizing her friends over you, and any relationship like that can never grow into love because the wrong people are being put first.
Say you have a fight? instead of resolving and making up, she goes crying on some other guy's shoulders. This thought alone is already destructive and will severely damage your own confidence.
I'm all for partners having friends of the opposite sex, but if she were to be in contact with them all the time about everything we do, then the relationship would be immediately on thin ice.

Scanlas The 2nd

It's been my experience that girls with few female friends are more likely to cheat, beware.

Piliger

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

It's been my experience that girls with few female friends are more likely to cheat, beware.

It may be your experience but it is a totally unfounded assertion.

ShaShaBear

I have only one close female friend, and have never cheated.

But I would never dare to text one of my male friends while in bed with my OH. And I certainly don't talk to them about private affairs in my relationship either. I don't do that with any of my friends. I ask my mother for advice, and then I speak to him. I have one male friend in particular whom I love dearly and has been there for me through some serious stuff, and I wouldn't ever give him more than a quick hug, say before the Summer holidays for college (like I gave everyone else who was present) and I am not cuddly with him, or with my actual brother (she's definitely trying to mask the relationship there)

LegacyUser

nowayout1 wrote: »

she said he helped her through some stuff and she's wanting to meet up with him in dublin where he works.

its like yesterday we had an argument and she texted him and texted him back last night when i went to get a chinese takeaway and texted back when we were going to sleep so i turned over and didn't want to know.

.

he did say in a text that he didn't send that in 5 years if both of them were single they should give it a shot in dating. she mentioned last night that he texts her alot when hes in work like 90% of the time, i asked myself does he text his GF as much as her.

.

FFS! i don't think that's on.Op i would end this relationship!!!.From what you said there i think you are been messed around.Find someone better.

B.A._Baracus

Upon reading the Op's post again ...

Mate, you should dump her alright. Its not natural. We treat our close friends differently to our partners. There is a level of speration.

I firmly believe you are just being used. A 'for now' boyfriend. You are not being paranoid & you do not have trust issues. Your common sense is just screaming inside of you and rightfully so.

Librium

Don't be hasty though, if the sex is good I'd stick it out a bit longer

Taltos

Librium - unless you want to lose your rights to post in this forum I suggest you review our charter immediately and only post if you have something constructive to add. This forum deals with sensitive issues and if replies are not kept above board then you will leave us little choice.

Thanks
Taltos

Librium

Fairly legit response, if you don't understand the merits of sex in a relationship between two adults I don't think you should be moderating this forum, perhaps you are better suited to Christianity or Islam forum

Ickle Magoo

Librium taking a week's holiday for ignoring mod instruction to acquaint themselves with forum/site rules and failing to respect a basic tenet of this site.

As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread