coming out NEED ADVICE!!

UpDaDubs

hi, long time lurker, first time poster.
ive known for some time that ive been gay but have never had the courage to come out and tell any one. im 22 and have felt this way since i was around 16. theres been so many times when i wanted to tell some one but at the last minute ive decided not to. i live with two of my friends and really want to tell them. i want to tell my parents to but id rather leave that untill later. i need to find the right time and place to tell my friends and i need to do it soon before my head explodes. ive felt depressed and been close to killing myself on a couple of occasions but could never go through with it. i dont want to feel like this and i need to tell some one. at this stage i dont care what they think i just need to tell some body. can some one please give me some advice please !!

1ZRed

UpDaDubs wrote: »

hi, long time lurker, first time poster.
ive known for some time that ive been gay but have never had the courage to come out and tell any one. im 22 and have felt this way since i was around 16. theres been so many times when i wanted to tell some one but at the last minute ive decided not to. i live with two of my friends and really want to tell them. i want to tell my parents to but id rather leave that untill later. i need to find the right time and place to tell my friends and i need to do it soon before my head explodes. ive felt depressed and been close to killing myself on a couple of occasions but could never go through with it. i dont want to feel like this and i need to tell some one. at this stage i dont care what they think i just need to tell some body. can some one please give me some advice please !!

Hey man I know how you feel. I pretty much admitted it to myself when I was 16 too but it took me a good while to actually come around to it. I had the same thoughts a few times but I got through that luckily. I knew I was really ready to tell people for a long time before I actually got the balls to do it. Thing is though, I didn't exactly go about doing it the right way and ended up doing it drunk by text usually because I just wanted the pressure lifted off me that had built up over the years by repressing my sexuality.

I think you're right not to care about telling people because you need to help yourself out by doing it but I felt the same and look what happened to me and the way I came out. Everything turned out absolutely fine, for the most part, but it would have been a much easier and less stressful coming out if I didn't drink so heavily while trying to do it.

My best advice to you is to sit one of your closet and most trustworthy friends or family members down and tell them. I think this is the best way to do it and I think there is so much you can get across in a sort of 'safer' environment. You can look over my thread history here about coming out and although I got there, I knew I could have made it much easier on myself.
I'm still a long ways off coming out fully but I'm getting there and feeling much better about myself because of it.

Hope this gives you a better take on the situation.

miec

Hi Op

I have had two friends 'come out' to me and I was really glad they did. Although it may have been easier because I am a woman. The first male friend who told was 17 at the time and it was the early 90s so he was really worried about me not liking him anymore and more recently a younger male friend told me. I felt they placed a huge amount of trust in me so am glad they opened up. They also told me sober so I would go with the previous posters advice. Choose someone you really trust, you will be glad you did because they may have an inkling already but don't want to freak you out, I know I did in both cases but was sensitive to my friends. Good luck and hope it goes well.

Aurongroove

Pace yourself, work up the courage, and then go for it!!

oisindoyle

UpDaDubs wrote: »

hi, long time lurker, first time poster.
ive known for some time that ive been gay but have never had the courage to come out and tell any one. im 22 and have felt this way since i was around 16. theres been so many times when i wanted to tell some one but at the last minute ive decided not to. i live with two of my friends and really want to tell them. i want to tell my parents to but id rather leave that untill later. i need to find the right time and place to tell my friends and i need to do it soon before my head explodes. ive felt depressed and been close to killing myself on a couple of occasions but could never go through with it. i dont want to feel like this and i need to tell some one. at this stage i dont care what they think i just need to tell some body. can some one please give me some advice please !!

Firstly welcome to Boards :-)

Secondly no matter how difficult you think things are, never ever go down the road of wanting to end it all ,many many of your family and friends like and love you and I am sure they will still feel the same when you eventually tell them who you REALLY are.

Theres no real advise anyone here can give you as such ,only you know when it's right for YOU to come out .

If you need to talk to someone anonymously why not give the National lgbt helpline a call ,even if you just to say the words "I am gay" to someone ,that alone will have a positive effect on you 1890 929 539 - www.lgbt.ie


They are a listening service and dont judge or pass comment ,,Thats an option
Other than that come out when you feel you want to and are ready to .DON'T get pissed ,whatever you do ,,lol
Wanting to tell a friend and then at the last minute decide not too is normal ,we've all been there .
Yes you will be sh*tting yourself but in the end when you do it ,the relief will be HUGE ,,,
IF you wanna PM anytime feel free
Good luck

ninty9er

You've done the most difficult part - accepting yourself, now to tell other people. It's a lot easier to tell your parents when you don't live at home, and remember, they may have questions and want to talk about it, but this is about you being the same person you were before, but just letting people know about a part of who that person is that they didn't know about before.

I found it helped to reinforce the point that I am no different a person than when everyone assumed I was straight.

Don't stress too much over it, and remember this process is for you, not them

marcus2000

UpDaDubs wrote: »

I need to find the right time and place to tell my friends and i need to do it soon before my head explodes.

I thought the same as well, which made me put it off and off and off and off for a year.... I think the period in which I had decided to tell my mum (but didnt) was the most stressful of the entire process. My advice is there will be no perfect time. The sooner the better. I remember I eventually said it one day when my mam was ironing....she was going on (As she did) about when I meet a girl...and I just broke down snapped and said I actually have a bf...

Anyway, everyone reacts differently. I had 90% positive which grew to 100% EVENTUALLY. Its impossible to read ppl - even family or friends. Those i thought would take it worst, didnt....It was actually all pretty fine. Huge weight off my shoulder when it was done!! HUGE!:D

calm_bull

if there is one tip i will give you by experience its that one of the hardest parts of coming out is the torture you inflict on yourself whilst waiting to do it. its a huge relief when its done, but at the same time, do it in your own time. just try not to worry about it too much

bleepp

UpDaDubs wrote: »

hi, long time lurker, first time poster.
ive known for some time that ive been gay but have never had the courage to come out and tell any one. im 22 and have felt this way since i was around 16. theres been so many times when i wanted to tell some one but at the last minute ive decided not to. i live with two of my friends and really want to tell them. i want to tell my parents to but id rather leave that untill later. i need to find the right time and place to tell my friends and i need to do it soon before my head explodes. ive felt depressed and been close to killing myself on a couple of occasions but could never go through with it. i dont want to feel like this and i need to tell some one. at this stage i dont care what they think i just need to tell some body. can some one please give me some advice please !!

Hey man, I know how difficult it can be the best advice I can give is that it does get much better when you tell someone. It's a long process so there is no rush on who you tell or how.
I can only speak from experience maybe you can relate to it but for me I feared being gay would define who I am in the eyes of everyone who knows me but it doesn't. I only told two friends so far so I've a bit to go yet but like you I felt I would explode if I didn't get it off my chest. I'ts not healthy to keep issues like this in, it's OK to open up and let people know how you're feeling. Also I think It's important to separate self esteem and self worth from being gay. Every person should have high self esteem and think positively of themselves regardless of who or what they are People should think the best of themselves and grow to love who they are, I think younger guys especially let the fact that they are gay define everything about them but its just your sexuality, there is so much more amazing attributes a person has to be positive and happy about so why let your sexuality get you down.
See it as a factor of who you are rather than everything you are and try and love the person you have become. That being said it ain't easy accepting something you don't want but you have to for the sake of mental health.
Took me ages to accept myself but once I did it all seemed clearer and I defo couldn't have done it without the help of poster on here! makes me think of how difficult it must have been for lads before the aul internet made its appearence :rolleyes:

Anyways that's how I see it like I said I've a bit to go yet and have only accepted being gay so I'm sure other guys who have been through the whole process can give their opinions.
Also remember you are not alone mate, plenty of us in the same boat;)

RamesesII

Hi fella

We've all been there. Only you know the people around you but my advice is to try a close mate first. Most likely they'll have figured it out anyway, mine certainly did. I agree with bleepp that you should think of this as a part of who you are but not the be all and end all. You are the music you like, your hobbies, your favourite drink... and a million other things besides.

It's a process but you've taken an important step by acknowledging it to yourself first. Once you confide in a friend you will feel so much better.

I also think that you shouldn't rush into anything, you're 22 so smell the roses, have fun and let relationships etc. happen at their own pace. No matter what else happens - there are a hundred people here who have your back. Just remember that the words on the screen come from real people cheering you on.

So I guess all I can do is wish you well and urge you to talk to someone. I've just entered my thirties and I spent so much time living in my head during my twenties.. it's not a good thing to do. I know your head is pounding with all this but please don't do something silly, the whole world is out there for you.

Keep us posted.

All the best and PLEASE keep this tread going, everyone who has written wants to follow your progress and see you do well.