Should I break up with him?

wurzlitzer

I met a guy last June, and we started seeing eachother eventhough he was going to be travelling in January. 

After two weeks of seeing eachother he told me he was mad about me. We then were practically living in eachothers pockets. I went away in October with friends for a week.

 The day before I was flying out he booked his round the world ticket, that evening he called off our date saying he was sick. His best friend also booked a ticket he was to accompany him for the first four weeks in Thailand. 

Anyway I confronted him in November, about joining him in march, & he said he did n't want me to come . I suggested we break up he said he did not want to. I confronted him again in December he said once again he had not changed his mind , but he did not want me to come with him but to stay in touch.  I had decided to leave it alone, & break up with him when he went, & break contact.

But Before he went in January he nagged me for weeks, he wanted me to meet him while travelling. So I booked tickets for the end of April. He was over the moon.

So he left in January, I did not get one phonecall from him in six weeks eventhough he promised he would ring me when he got to bangkok. When I met him in April, It was happy days again. So I booked another flight when I got home for august. Now I did not hear from him for two weeks, & he only rang me when I text him to do so, he began saying that he was n't sure if it was going to work etc as I too intend to go travel next year for a year too, & that would mean it would be two years apart. He had been the one who said to me last November that we could make it work.

I have feeling he wants to break up with me at times, & wants to be single while travelling as he sees that the long distance relationship is hard now, but I tried breaking up last November & December. Now I am in love with him I am finding it harder but I am also finding my confidence is being hit. At the start of our relationship he courted me, wanting to see me three to four times a week constantly txting. Now I am lucky if he txts me once a fortnight, or mails me once every three weeks. He rings me sporadically & he only rang the last time coz I was furious when he had n't rang when  I had booked a second ticket to meet him & he could not be arsed ringing. He said in his last mail that he is afraid of getting hurt, that it has happened him before where his exes have gone travelling & nothing has come out of it. He says he is trying to protect himself.

I was in a long distance relationship before but it worked out coz we txt, phoned, mailed for the 2 years we were apart. It also ended but that was after seven years.,we lived together & in the end he left a dear John letter. All in all that was for the best. But I had been badly hurt, so why can't this guy see that although it took me 2 months to commit when I did it was wholeheartedly. I initially protected myself, but he kept telling me that I had his heart.

But I thought this guy was different more black & white, he persuaded me to enter into this relationship,  I was reluctant, but charmed me into thinking it would be okay. So why now is he getting cold feet when I am over my head.

I love him but I feel like I am going through a break up, I feel angry for letting him persuade me to stay together & also for refusing me to travel with him. I should have stuck to my guns last November, but he had tears in his eyes when I gave him the ultimatum, take me or break up!

What should I do should I break up with or wait til I meet him. Is he being selfish? So confused

peanuthead

He is being selfish.

What he is doing here is stringing you along. You are great to have around for him when he is bored by the sounds of things. But if there's something else going on, you're not on his mind at all.

Sorry to be so blunt about it, but he is using you. It's also possible he's humouring you just enough so that when he returns home or whenever you find yourselves in the same country again, that door (you) will still be available to him, maybe. Effectively, he doesn't want to burn any bridges. Either that or he's just not man enough to be honest.

With regard to the 'I don't want to be hurt again' crap, what a load of B.S.

Mighty_Mouse

It's madness to try and maintain a relationship with someone on a year out travelling.
Of course he is not going to be in contact. He's partying his ass off 24/7.
He's enjoying a once in a lifetime experience.

Stop trying to force yourself into his life or make demands.
Do you really have to define your relationship through this period?
Can ye not just see how it goes when he gets back?
Would you not be better off taking off yourself for a few months?

Oryx

He is trying to have his cake and eat it. He wants his single trip around the world, and fair play to him. But he can not and should not keep you on a backburner till he gets home, which is what he is trying to do. He is being weak. Yes, you like each other, love each other even, but he is being incredibly unfair to you because he knows you wont leave him if he asks you to stick around. He should have been strong and let you go to do your thing, that would have been the unselfish and honourable way to deal with his travel. Instead he drip feeds you just enough to keep you hanging on.

Don't live your life on someone elses terms. You wont get these years back, dont spend them waiting for someone who is out living their dream quite happily, without you.

Emme

OP, I know it's hard, but I think it's time to knock this one on the head and move on.

wurzlitzer

Hi thanks all
Going to meet him in a couple of weeks, before he makes the last leg in his journeys, he is returning in november. He sent an email today, apologising again for not emailing or ringing in over three weeks. He blames lack of coverage, he says he will contact in the next country he visits which should have better coverage.

He signed off all lovey dovey saying he could not wait to see me again. But his email was somewhat short & lacked news really just the apology.

I think I will make my decision when I meet up with him, to see if we get on okay. Then I will decide either to call it a day & cut my losses & maybe stay friends

Thanks again