(Request) Examples of Northern Ireland Wit

JohnnyBananas

Hi All,

Northern Ireland appears to have a sense of wit that is different from the rest of the Island. Here’s a few that I have heard to date. If anyone has any others, feel free to share.

Thanks In Advance for All Responses

• An IRA army council is trying to decide if a suspect is an informer or not. The head of the meeting asks around the table “What do you think?” to which 3 people say “I don’t think so”. He asks the fourth person at the table in Irish “Cad a capainn tu?” to which he responds “Ni capaim”. (“Cad a capainn tu?” “What do you think?” “Ni Capaim”. “I don’t think so” but sounds like “Knee Cap Him”)

• Billy Connolly once did a tour of the Harland and Wolfe shipyards, where he learned that only Protestants were allowed to build the Titanic. The next time he saw Belfast comedian Frank Carson (a Catholic), the conversation went something like this.

BC: Frank, I didn’t know that only Protestants were allowed build the Titanic.
FC: Yeah, we were all in West Belfast building the Iceberg.

(Not necessarily funny on paper but funny when BC tells it on stage)

• During the Troubles in the 1970s, Billy Connolly did a tour of Northern Ireland and was assigned a Protestant bodyguard who he got on very well with. The mayor of Derry later presented BC with a small statue of a skeleton sitting down with its hand underneath its chin. When BC showed it to his bodyguard and asked him what he thought of it, the bodyguard said “It looks like a Catholic waiting for a Council House!!!”

• During the Maze Prison Break of 1983, a group of prisoners held up a number of guards at gunpoint and ordered them to lie on the ground. One of the guards starts talking to another saying “I think we can take these guys on”. One of the prisoners sees this, walks over, puts a gun to the guards head and shouts“ARE YOU A HERO? YOU’RE A DEAD F***IN’ HERO!!!!!”. (He just threatens, he doesn’t shoot him).

• I was driving once with a friend from West Belfast in the car. When the car in front of us was slow to take off at a green light he said “Are you waiting for a particular shade of green???”

Culleeo

(Request) Stop the shit threads

My name is URL

404

Fishooks12

Not funny

Faolchu

if thats wit then theyre fooked

AnonoBoy

Request? Anything by Status Quo please Larry!

Seanchai

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

Northern Ireland appears to have a sense of wit that is different from the rest of the Island.

It doesn't. Liam MacAleer in Tyrone has pretty much the same "humour" as Aidan O'Reilly in Monaghan, and Conor Fitzmaurice in Kerry has pretty much the same humour as Finbar MacCarthy in Cork. And that makes as much sense as what you're saying!

A regional "humour" that is coterminous with the border of the Northern state is just contrived.

humbert

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

During the Maze Prison Break of 1983, a group of prisoners held up a number of guards at gunpoint and ordered them to lie on the ground. One of the guards starts talking to another saying “I think we can take these guys on”. One of the prisoners sees this, walks over, puts a gun to the guards head and shouts“ARE YOU A HERO? YOU’RE A DEAD F***IN’ HERO!!!!!”. (He just threatens, he doesn’t shoot him).

This one I don't get?

AnonoBoy

humbert wrote: »

This one I don't get?

That's because it's not a joke. Just a threat against someone's life.

Funglegunk

Frank Carson is a blight on humanity.

westendgirlie

What's with writing 'request' all the time

Roadend

Are you going for a pint, or what

BraziliaNZ

Such a witty bunch. The first and only time I was in Belfast some guy started mouthing off at my mate and I who were minding our own business - "You Dublin lot coming up here thinking we're all backwards, I'll have you shot you fenian c*nts". Welcome to Belfast!

Sauve

That's sectarianism, not 'wit'.
May be funny in certain context OP but I don't really see what you're trying to achieve here.

ballsymchugh

they're not that funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yarrY9Q0_XU

Chuck Stone

Request.

Stop starting **** threads.

humanji

Right OP, what are you at? Are you being lazy in researching a newspaper article, a blog, or a college paper?

J Cheever Loophole

Funglegunk wrote: »

Frank Carson is a blight on humanity.

I'm quite sure they buried his corpse!?!

Mr Benevolent

Why are all these jokes about the Troubles in some way? Northern Irish people don't actually go around thinking about that crap their whole lives.

Funglegunk

J Cheever Loophole wrote: »

I'm quite sure they buried his corpse!?!

He is immortal undead. A lich of comedy.

oranbhoy67

Half of the "jokes" you told there where from Billy Connolly - a Scotsman

foxyboxer

Is it Northern Ireland Week on After Hours or something?

neil_hosey

what were the republicans doing while the loyalists where building the titanic?

building an iceberg

...

..

.

Funglegunk

neil_hosey wrote: »

what were the republicans doing while the loyalists where building the titanic?

building an iceberg

...

..

.

You may want to read the OP in its entirety.

neil_hosey

Funglegunk wrote: »

You may want to read the OP in its entirety.

but its really long

hattoncracker

From my Armagh Mother:
"You're like cow's ****e, never off the road!"
"He knows what he's got it for, and it's not for stirring his tea!"
"He'd get up on a cracked plate."

For Forks Sake

This is the sort of thing they attempt to pass off as humour. It's worse than anything RTE have ever produced.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AC-F8snbr2M

JohnnyBananas

Thanks for all responses.

rgmmg

Scrawled on a wall near the Shankill - "We'll never forget you, Jimmy Sands."

brummytom

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

I was driving once with a friend from West Belfast in the car. When the car in front of us was slow to take off at a green light he said “Are you waiting for a particular shade of green???”

Your mate stole that from Dara O'Briain.

The only 'joke' that made me laugh there was Frank Carson's reply.

charlemont

The TUV website is full of humour...

Years ago at Stormont a conversation was underway and an MLA wished to congratulate the NI athletes at the Commonwealth games, They had just won gold...At the shooting contest.... and the whole assembly started laughing.

JohnnyBananas

rgmmg wrote: »

Scrawled on a wall near the Shankill - "We'll never forget you, Jimmy Sands."

Brilliant! Exactly the kind of thing I am looking for. Thanks for that.

JohnnyBananas

JohnnyBananas wrote: »

Brilliant! Exactly the kind of thing I am looking for. Thanks for that.

Why are you "looking for" these examples of wit Johnny?

Where To

What did the Ballymena man say to Saddam Hussein?

Keep Kuwait

Firewalkwithme

brummytom wrote: »

Your mate stole that from Dara O'Briain.

That joke is older than Dara O'Brian....

Still though from what I can see, they have a very dodgy sense of humour, ever seen Give My Head Peace.....

Oh yeah, Roy Walker.

/rests case

OP, maybe you could come up with your own material for this collection of yours.
Just a thought.