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civil ceremony in advance of humanist?

  • 08-08-2012 9:36am
    #1
    stinkle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,159 ✭✭✭


    Just starting to plan everything now and while it'd be great if humanist weddings were legal by the time we get married, we're going to have to set up a civil ceremony at the registry office just in case. I guess the handiest thing to do is have it a day or two in advance, otherwise all in the one day would be super messy! - has anyone done this? And how did you go about making the legal bit special but not taking away from the "big day" afterwards.

    Also, for those who did this in advance, did you have many people at it or just the witnesses? On the one hand, just witnesses is great cos the humanist ceremony will be the big occasion for all guests, but I hope the parents wouldn't be offended if we did the legal bits without them! On the other hand, if we have even immediate family there and end up with two days out then it might detract from the humanist ceremony later on.

    We've a lot on our plate as it is, as FMIL is unhappy that it's not a religious wedding, and while my mother is grand about that, shes a bit confused about the point of a humanist ceremony and separate legal one.


Comments

  • #2
    lazygal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    stinkle wrote: »
    Just starting to plan everything now and while it'd be great if humanist weddings were legal by the time we get married, we're going to have to set up a civil ceremony at the registry office just in case. I guess the handiest thing to do is have it a day or two in advance, otherwise all in the one day would be super messy! - has anyone done this? And how did you go about making the legal bit special but not taking away from the "big day" afterwards.

    Also, for those who did this in advance, did you have many people at it or just the witnesses? On the one hand, just witnesses is great cos the humanist ceremony will be the big occasion for all guests, but I hope the parents wouldn't be offended if we did the legal bits without them! On the other hand, if we have even immediate family there and end up with two days out then it might detract from the humanist ceremony later on.

    We've a lot on our plate as it is, as FMIL is unhappy that it's not a religious wedding, and while my mother is grand about that, shes a bit confused about the point of a humanist ceremony and separate legal one.
    I can send you a detailed pm about this later on if you like.


  • #3
    stinkle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,159 ✭✭✭stinkle


    lazygal wrote: »
    I can send you a detailed pm about this later on if you like.

    Would really appreciate it, thanks! Head is spinning a little with all the options :pac:


  • #4
    lazygal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    I've sent a pM, hope it went through!


  • #5
    RHN Ireland
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7 ✭RHN Ireland


    We're doing the humanist wedding on the Friday and that's our Wedding. That's where we'll say our real vows, exchange rings and do the whole kiss the bride thing.

    On the Wednesday beforehand we're going with the best man and maid of honour to the registry office. We've picked the last appointment of the day and we're doing a very bare bones ceremony. We spoke to the registrar about it and she said that lots of people were choosing to do the same.

    Basically I see the Friday as my wedding and the Wednesday as the day we sort out the legal bits and pieces. It won't happen till November but while I'm obsessing about our wedding details I haven't thought at all about the civil part.

    So you can definitely do it but you'd need to decide yourself how exactly you do it in terms of guests. Our argument was that the Wednesday wasn't our real wedding and any extra guests might make it feel more emotionally important than it needed to be

    (Just to say I fully understand the important legal aspects of our civil wedding but we wanted a humanist wedding and view that as the main one. If we could have had a legal humanist wedding we would have but that's another rant for another thread!)


  • #6
    Gatica
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,302 ✭✭✭Gatica


    If you want the legal part to be just that, then just bring the witnesses. Attach no more importance to it, then your family won't attach importance to it. Don't mention it to them. Just get it done and proceed with your big day as planned... Have the family involved and they'll feel a part of it.


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  • #7
    Kooli
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭Kooli


    stinkle wrote: »
    Just starting to plan everything now and while it'd be great if humanist weddings were legal by the time we get married, we're going to have to set up a civil ceremony at the registry office just in case. I guess the handiest thing to do is have it a day or two in advance, otherwise all in the one day would be super messy! - has anyone done this? And how did you go about making the legal bit special but not taking away from the "big day" afterwards.

    Also, for those who did this in advance, did you have many people at it or just the witnesses? On the one hand, just witnesses is great cos the humanist ceremony will be the big occasion for all guests, but I hope the parents wouldn't be offended if we did the legal bits without them! On the other hand, if we have even immediate family there and end up with two days out then it might detract from the humanist ceremony later on.

    We've a lot on our plate as it is, as FMIL is unhappy that it's not a religious wedding, and while my mother is grand about that, shes a bit confused about the point of a humanist ceremony and separate legal one.

    This is exactly what we did.

    We thought of the 'wedding' as our wedding day, the important day, and for that we had a fantastic humanist ceremony. We didn't plan to make a big deal of the civil ceremony, and we had just immediate family there (parents and siblings).

    However, I was really, really shocked by how special the civil ceremony day was for us!! The ceremony was about 4 minutes long, the celebrant was such a lovely woman, but there was something really great about having this quiet, special day with just the families. The mood of the day was gorgeous, but there was nothing manic about it. We strolled into town afterwards and went to dinner, then home in bed by 10.30 with massive smiles on our faces (our wedding was the next day).

    Although I'm delighted that the humanists are on their way towards having their ceremonies recognised legally, part of me is glad in hindsight that we got to do it our way.
    A wedding day is so hectic with friends and extended family, I loved having a day that was just about close family cos you mightn't get to see them as much as you like on the wedding day itself.

    Good luck!


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