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Struggled to make new friends at 22

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  • 07-08-2012 11:31pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    You've probably all seen similar posts to this on here with people talking about struggling to make friends, but I feel like I have to post here anyway. I'm 22 years old, was in a long term relationship for 5 years and basically didn't bother trying to make friends in college (my own fault I know).

    So I have the same amount of friends as I did before college (roughly 6). I'm down to earth and considered as great fun by the friends I have, but I'd love to have more friends. Everyone on the likes of Facebook seems to hang around with so many different people while some weekends I can be stuck with nothing to do because the majority of my small group of mates are in relationships and it really gets me down.

    I made my mistake in getting too attached to my ex and missed out on making friends in college. So while everyone is settled into the college life I still feel an outsider to it all. And for a relatively shy person like me it isn't as easy as just going up to people and being friends like that. How does a young person just make friends when most people would consider me weird for having such a small amount of friends in the first place?
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    #2
    Vicxas
    Registered Users Posts: 15,285 ✭✭✭✭Vicxas


    First bit of advice, never judge people on their facebook profile. Its only there to service the exact same problem that you have. To look like they have loads of friends.

    6 friends at your age is very good. Usually at that age people tend to drift apart or "grow out" of friendships.

    If you're seeking some sort of new place to meet new people i suggest local groups/GAA clubs/Martial arts clubs or if you're still in college there are no end to the groups/societies available there.


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    #3
    JG009
    Registered Users Posts: 2,482 ✭✭✭JG009


    Vicxas wrote: »

    If you're seeking some sort of new place to meet new people i suggest local groups/GAA clubs/Martial arts clubs or if you're still in college there are no end to the groups/societies available there.

    This. Very true.


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    #4
    blahblah06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,306 ✭✭✭blahblah06


    Hey opp a lot of people in the same boat as u. We're r u based


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Based in Dublin. It's a lot harder than people think it would be to make friends at this age. Most people have already established plenty of friendships after 1st year in college so I've missed out. Lots of people suggest joining clubs etc. I feel pretty unique (in a pathetic way) having this problem at such a young age. Facebook profiles can hardly lie either, when you see people posting up pictures of house parties/nights out with loads of friends there, they are hardly trying to just making it look like they have good social lives, the fact is they do.


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    #6
    JG009
    Registered Users Posts: 2,482 ✭✭✭JG009


    unreg22 wrote: »
    Based in Dublin. It's a lot harder than people think it would be to make friends at this age. Most people have already established plenty of friendships after 1st year in college so I've missed out. Lots of people suggest joining clubs etc. I feel pretty unique (in a pathetic way) having this problem at such a young age. Facebook profiles can hardly lie either, when you see people posting up pictures of house parties/nights out with loads of friends there, they are hardly trying to just making it look like they have good social lives, the fact is they do.

    No offence but I think you need look at this with a CAN DO view and not a CANT or WONT view.
    If you start a sport you are into, its only natural you will get talking to others there. Even if you arent looking to make friends, it just happens as there are sport events on that a few people from the club would go to together and so on.

    Ive been to some of the parties you see on facebook and Ive left early because they weren't all that fun! So photos can be misleading.

    If you went to a sports event with your new friends, you could even end up at a party afterwards and end up in photos too on facebook. See its all very possible! Just give it a shot.


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    #7
    Vicxas
    Registered Users Posts: 15,285 ✭✭✭✭Vicxas


    I agree with JG009, Ive been to said house parties and believe me people but on their game face when there are camera's out. Its a "oh hey look at us we're having a good time" look. Ive been there and done that, I urge you not to base your life on that.

    And in respect to making friends in dublin, i lost a lot of friends at your age due to me outgrowing them or other reasons and i was in the same situation. But i made new friends through my work, so it is possible.


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    #8
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    unreg22 wrote: »
    Facebook profiles can hardly lie either
    I know a fair few people who are masters of making the most out of any nights they go out on. You'd think one lads fb was a direct link to the Herald Social Supliment, where as in fact he's in his late 30's, lives in his mam's attic and works weekend nights!

    Are you adverse to joining one/some of the sports/social clubs in the college?


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    #9
    amcm27
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭amcm27


    Hi OP,

    I am in the same situation as you - I have only a few close friends and as I have just moved to Dublin, I don't get to see them very often any more. I don't really know anybody up here apart from my boyfriend, and like you, I fell like I am relying on him too much and getting too attached to his company! I am in my early twenties and I am quite a shy girl too. I find it hard to approach new people, but if somebody approaches me and starts a conversation, I am fine! I understand what you mean about feeling like everybody else is out with different people every weekend while you're stuck in cause your friends are busy. I wish I had more friends too but like you, I don't know where or how to start! You say you're in Dublin - want to be friends?! :):)


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    #10
    miec
    Registered Users Posts: 856 ✭✭✭miec


    Hi Op

    Just to add to some of the comments on facebook, last weekend a friend of mine and I were out in a pub that was really quiet with the worst bad ever but there was a group of six to eight people celebrating a birthday, they were taking pics, smiling etc and we knew it would be for their facebook profiles. However apart from the pics they were just having a quiet time listening to the worst bad ever and they all left fairly early so events of facebook can be manipulated.

    But to your dilemna, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about not developing friends, that can be a major downfall of relationships - not keeping / cultivating new friends whilst in a relationship. The good thing is you live in Dublin so you can easily join any of the meet up groups http://www.meetup.com/cities/ie/dublin/

    Check out events (that are free) at: http://www.dublineventguide.com/

    Maybe do some voluntary work, join a sports club or a dance club (a great place for classes is http://www.danceireland.ie/) just do a quick google on what you are into and you will find something.

    Of course often the biggest barrier to these things is fear or shyness. Like you I am currently building up a social life and it is scary but it is also worth it because I have spent close to two years sitting in feeling sorry for myself at the weekends and life is too short for that.


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Cheers for the replies everyone. Realistically though, sitting in on a Saturday night and wanting to go out, but not being able to because you haven't got enough friends for it is a pretty awful situation to be in at the age of 22. I know I can change it, but I'm not sure about them meetup things as the way of doing it. I'm fairly certain it's very rare of someone my age to be looking for new friends on a website like that. Most people who go to the meetup things would probably be 5-10 years older than me. I'm probably coming across as someone who's wallowing in self-pity, but it's just a difficult thing to make more friends. And it's something that seems to come natural to the vast majority of people my age


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    #12
    miec
    Registered Users Posts: 856 ✭✭✭miec


    Well then I guess the only option is to enjoy staying in and allow life to pass you by.


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    unreg22 wrote: »
    Cheers for the replies everyone. Realistically though, sitting in on a Saturday night and wanting to go out, but not being able to because you haven't got enough friends for it is a pretty awful situation to be in at the age of 22. I know I can change it, but I'm not sure about them meetup things as the way of doing it. I'm fairly certain it's very rare of someone my age to be looking for new friends on a website like that. Most people who go to the meetup things would probably be 5-10 years older than me. I'm probably coming across as someone who's wallowing in self-pity, but it's just a difficult thing to make more friends. And it's something that seems to come natural to the vast majority of people my age


    When I was your age I had a similiar situation, a group of friends who only occasionally I would meet up with. My own situation was created by a long daily trek to college, a lack of interest in dealing with people when I got in there (low self-confidence didn't help) and a feeling that I didn't want to burden myself on other people during class nights out by staying in houses with people I barely talked to. Once you isolate yourself it is difficult to get involved.

    As other people have said the best route is to do something new that involves people and make a conscious effort to talk to them, equally when you finish college and move onto your next big step you will undoubtedly be involving yourself in new groups, whenever that group is doing something get involved.


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    #14
    Corkfeen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,940 ✭✭✭Corkfeen


    Societies and Clubs are the way to go if you're still in College. I'll be honest though, I have less than 6 people that i'd consider to be my friends, everyone else tends to be acquaintances more than anything. But if you do want to make more friends; clubs and societies are the way to go. You get to play a sport in a team or hang around with people with similar interests to your own. From experience, it really isn't too late to join one. (I only started in second year and i'm planning on joining another for my final year).

    People won't consider you weird for having a small group of friends as for the most part people don't have many close friends. You could meet new friends through your current ones too. But don't view it as a challenge as your only making yourself self-conscious about something that's rather minor in the scheme of things.


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