mother in law passing terrible remarks

LegacyUser

i would appreciate opinions here, if you dont mind

my mother in law passed an awful remark to me last week. she said 'sure husbands come and go' when she was high on pain killers. it really hurt me as my own father walked out on my mam but its something i am never going to do. me and my wife live with her and her husband (he is a gent) but whenever she takes tablets (that havent been prescribed to her btw, she gets them off her friend) she spends weeks in bed.
she was strung out saying this to me and has said things in the past but this really hurt me

the worst thing is my wife, who was very angry with her attitude is completely on her side now that the tablets have worn off and is telling me to forget what she said. she hasnt supported me by telling her mother off (i am completely ignoring my mother in law at the moment) or by backing me up in the past.

i really dont know how to tackle this as there is a rift in the house now with me and my father in law doing our own thing and likewise with my wife and her mother.

blatantrereg

You and your wife could move into your own place. It might be less luxurious and more expensive but you won't have crap like this.

Codeine abuse and the like is socially acceptable as it's practiced by lots of well-off women who consider themselves respectable. They often behave abominably and you're supposed to put up with it because they're posh, female and probably over 40.

As for the remark itself - well dont be concerned about nonsense from the mouth of a drug abuser. It only gets to you so much because you dont have space from her. Just move out.

Big Bag of Chips

Why do you need your wife to stand up for you? Or why do you need her permission to stand up for yourself?

You are an adult. A grown man. You are entitled to talk to her mother. I do think though that if she says something you don't agree with you should tackle it there and then, not wait until she has 'come down', and bring it up then.

I think if possible you should discuss with your wife about moving out. It's shown that the current situation is not good for your marriage. Your wife needs to decide which is more important, her marriage or her mother?

blatantrereg

I think it's a good idea not to engage in arguments with in-laws tbh. Blood is thicker than water and all, and it seems disrespectful to your partner to get into squabbles with their family. Instead you expect your partner to make sure the same courtesy is shown to you by them.
But I do think you're best off letting the remark pass at this stage. I get that it touched a nerve and a point of personal pride in you, but just dismiss it as nonsense.

Piliger

Hi OP.

Well firstly although your MOL seems a right pain in the arse I hardly think what she says should be in any way personally hurtful and you are a grown man. She is high on drugs after all. However I do agree it is a source of stress and conflict.

If it really is a major problem then the person who needs to tackle this is your wife and you need to start taking a stand and being the man.

However your post is confusing. Are you and your wife living with her parents ? Are you dependent on their generosity in letting you both live there ? If so I see a majorly complicated situation that doesn't have a simple answer.

Sappa

Don't listen to her,plan an exit strategy out of that house and block any snide remarks you hear from this woman.
She is clearly an unhappy lady swamping pills and staying in bed all day,sounds like her life sucks and when people are like that they get very negative or resent others who are happy.
You should laugh at her next time she says this as she only wants an ally in her daughter to create a problem in the house for her own twisted entertainment.