Getting back to normal

LegacyUser

Hey guys
I was wondering how long did it take you to get your life back to normal after a death that has affected you? My guardian died on the 2nd of July and before then I was very out going, went to the gym every morning, read books, played instruments etc, but since then I have found all of those things very boring. My sleeping pattern is almost non existent nowadays too, as I tend to get very little sleep at night and then only a few hours in the morning. I am starting college in September and I just feel as if my life is falling apart. I know it is different for each individual person, but does it really take such a long time to get your life back to normal? I really do not want this to affect my academic or social life.
Thanks again.

grindle

anon9000 wrote: »

Hey guys
I was wondering how long did it take you to get your life back to normal after a death that has affected you? My guardian died on the 2nd of July and before then I was very out going, went to the gym every morning, read books, played instruments etc, but since then I have found all of those things very boring. My sleeping pattern is almost non existent nowadays too, as I tend to get very little sleep at night and then only a few hours in the morning. I am starting college in September and I just feel as if my life is falling apart. I know it is different for each individual person, but does it really take such a long time to get your life back to normal? I really do not want this to affect my academic or social life.
Thanks again.

Very sorry to hear about your guardian.
It's an odd situation. You've really got to drive yourself to regain your footing, but it's the last thing you want to do.
Eventually though, if you push yourself, momentum gathers, and coping catches up.
I wouldn't look back to when they were living and say "That's normal.", because if that becomes your standard for normality, it's unattainable, and you'll always feel let down. It's just different, a different state of being, and it gradually becomes the new norm - less freshly painful, but still sad.
Remember any good times ye've had together, and don't waste time resenting that you can't have them anymore - feel glad that you've had the chance to know them.
I'd recommend keeping a diary, filling it with memories, because you'd be stunned what you'd forget in such a short space of time.
Talk about all aspects of their life with everyone who knew them, take note of everything, and allow yourself to cry, but you've got to be able to step back and understand when wallowing becomes destructive listlessness.
You've got to remember from all the good times that the struggles are worth it, and push yourself back into life.

Canard

I found getting back into a routine helped since I was out of school for around 2 weeks when my mam died. I know it's probably a lot worse because July to college is a longer wait though. You don't ever get used to it, I never got used to the house being empty when my dad and sister were out for example, but it gets easier.

It'd be silly to expect things to get "normal" again as grindle said, but in a sense you can redefine what normal means. Your friends obviously will worry about you so make sure to see them if you feel up to it, but it's okay if you're not. It's nice to take your mind off things though, so you're not living every day with that awful lonely feeling that you get in the middle of the night, you know?

I also found academically, because studying isn't the most enjoyable thing, my mind wandered and I ended up getting really upset, and that happened more times than I can count, quite consistently. I'm pretty sure it's normal though, so don't be too hard on yourself - your guardian wouldn't want you to underperform but make sure to take a break if it's affecting you and just try again later.

Hope everything is okay.

Hoochiemama

Im really sorry for your loss. It feels like only yesterday I was posting here (anonymously), a comment similar to yours.

It really hasnt been that long since your guardians death. Its only a few weeks. Your body and mind has been through a huge trauma and right not it needs "nothingness" to recooperate. Your brain is trying to figure out what the hell happened and it will consume your every waking and sleeping thought at the moment.


I remember running from one activity to the other trying to regain "normality" Nomality as you knew it will not exist and like an above poster said, its not a good thing to try and obtain.

I had to learn a new definition of "normal" day to day life, one without him in it. But you will obtain it... it just takes time. Like I said, it has still only been a few weeks.

As you begin to come out of your trauma and shock try then to reinclude your hobbies.
It took me 3 months before I could sew again and it took me 6 months to get back into yoga and meditation.

Also, inform your college about what you have been through. Let them know whats happened and they will probably have a free counselling service on campus which you could avail of (if you feel ready)

Try not to get too frustrated and understand that your body and mind is asking for this time to just "be". To absorb all that has happened. You will smile again, you will sleep properly again and you will pick your life up again but all in time. You are still grieving.

I just want to reiterate a point once more..... dont forget, you have suffered a HUGE trauma. Its ok to just "be" for now. You are in recovery mode.

All the best and my thoughts are with you

x

fizzyorange

Might as well stop posting as anon cause I made a balls of it and posted with my account in the "Tell us about them" thread. :rolleyes:

Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm sorry, I didn't mean normal as in the way my life was when my nan was around. I meant more so just my own little private routines excluding the time I would spend looking after her or being with her, but I realise now I did not make that very clear.

I've actually fixed my sleeping pattern in the past few days. So now I'm just trying to work on one problem at a time until things get back to my new redefined normality, as you so put it.

I think the diary is a great idea grindle. I love writing and gathering pictures together, I could even buy a new notebook for it which would be nice. Right now I find it hard to think too much about my nan without crying, but maybe that's better than trying so hard not to think about her.

Yeah Patch, I'm hoping college will finally give my life some structure. This summer just seems endless. :pac: I think I'm getting better with the whole socialising thing, but I seem to miss important events. Like yesterday morning I just decided I couldn't go to Kayleigh's birthday, and felt terrible about it. Had a pretty good day regardless though.

Thanks Hoochiemama. I never even considered looking into getting counselling in college. I will definitely consider it, as the first few weeks in college are going to be so strange. I'm moving out of Dublin to go to college in Galway, my nan died, I'm starting college not another year in secondary school, I'll know no one, so many changes in so few months! It would be great to have someone to talk to.

Once again thanks for all of your replies.

Canard

fizzyorange wrote: »

Yeah Patch, I'm hoping college will finally give my life some structure. This summer just seems endless. :pac: I think I'm getting better with the whole socialising thing, but I seem to miss important events. Like yesterday morning I just decided I couldn't go to Kayleigh's birthday, and felt terrible about it. Had a pretty good day regardless though.

I knowwww, the days are dragging! I wouldn't sweat it really, I'm sure she understands and the rest of them were there anyway - it was just a night out like, not a huge specific thing. :P Don't worry, no one is annoyed I'm sure, but you probably know that anyway