Partners Family

stressed27

Hi

I am hoping someone here can give me some advice on my situation.

Myself and my partner are both 27 and have been together for 9 years.

I always had a very good relationship with his parents up until about 1 1/2 ago when things went majorly downhill. His mother stopped talking to us because we came home from travelling much earlier and she couldnt understand that. She is an exteremly stubborn person. This went on for about 6 months and we got things sorted but they didnt go back to being as good as before. Then last summer she got in another one of her moods and stopped talking to my partner (we still dont know the reason) i was still on speaking terms with her but i found that every time i was around her she would be giving out about my partner even tho he didnt do anything wrong so i started to distance myself from her and now she doesnt speak to either of us. We have tried to make things better and get it sorted but she wont give in, she just keeps on coming back saying the most hurtful things to us when we didn't do anything at all to her. We know that she has issues and really needs to talk to somebody but if you tried mentioning it to her she would go insane.

It is coming to the point now where we end up fighting over the stress it is causing and really don't know what to do.

Please help.....

tinkerbell

I don't know what to say really except that I would not take that crap from her. Let her off, the ball is in her court - she needs to apologise. So until she does that, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. It should be your partner confronting her about it though, rather than you.

ElleEm

God, it really sounds like a nightmare for you both.

To be honest, it sounds as if you haven't done anything wrong and she's a bit mad! Are there any other family members who could try to speak to her and see where she is coming from. They could be a neutral party in talking to her about her attitude towards you and her son, they could also find out if she genuinely thinks you have done something wrong on her. Has she always been a bit crazy?

Maybe you should both take her lead for a while and just not speak to her. Give the relationship a break and this will allow you both to reconnect with each other. Trying to decypher the thoughts of a mad woman cannot be easy on you both. If she continually tries to contact you to row then it seems like she may be drawn to drama.

stressed27

Hi ElleEm

It is a nightmare, my partners father has tried to make her see she is in the wrong but she just turns on him also, i think she just loves drama and everyone fighting.

She actually thinks that she has done nothing at all wrong and goes around as if she has a 'perfect family'. We have cut all contact from her because it was getting way to stressful and I don't see why it should affect our relationship when we didnt do anything. I think your right saying she is a mad woman cause that is the only explanation as to why she would stop talking to her son for no reason. I don't care if she ever speaks to me again but i would like things sorted for my partner.

ElleEm

Oh of course. It must be terrible for him, and embarrassing too. She is his mother, after all, but her actions would make it hard to love her at the minute!

stressed27

tinkerbell wrote: »

I don't know what to say really except that I would not take that crap from her. Let her off, the ball is in her court - she needs to apologise. So until she does that, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. It should be your partner confronting her about it though, rather than you.

Hi Tinkerbell

I think we will be waiting a long time for her to aplogise cause i dont think she knows the words 'im sorry' exist. I have confronted her once and she made her feelings towards me very clear, my partner also has tried but nothing is working.

stressed27

ElleEm wrote: »

Oh of course. It must be terrible for him, and embarrassing too. She is his mother, after all, but her actions would make it hard to love her at the minute!

Yes it is very embarrassing for him because how do you explain that you don't speak to your mother but you dont know the reason...she's a joke.

Daisy M

Do you still visit to see his father? If so when you visit greet her and leave it upto her if she joins in conversation or not don't force the issue as she probably thrives on the conflict and drama. As for explaining you don't have to explain to anyone what is going on. Close friends and family will take your word for what is happening and nobody else needs to know.

Meauldsegosha

stressed27 wrote: »

ElleEm wrote: »

Oh of course. It must be terrible for him, and embarrassing too. She is his mother, after all, but her actions would make it hard to love her at the minute!

Yes it is very embarrassing for him because how do you explain that you don't speak to your mother but you dont know the reason...she's a joke.

I wouldn't explain it. I would simply say "my mother doesn't wish to speak to me and won't tell me why. If you want know why ask her."

She is behaving like a spoilt child and people are enabling her behaviour by not confronting her.

looksee

The most important part of this is that you and your partner should not get into a row over it. You must discuss it and agree that no matter what, she will not get between you.

He may have to go and spend time trying to sort it, she is his mother and exasperating as she is, he may well want to try and help her. You should be supportive but stay out of it.

However it pans out, support him, but do not get into a row over her. It absolutely does not make sense to allow someone whom you both agree is irrational to get between you, don't let her.

Beruthiel

stressed27 wrote: »

Hi Tinkerbell

I think we will be waiting a long time for her to aplogise cause i dont think she knows the words 'im sorry' exist. I have confronted her once and she made her feelings towards me very clear, my partner also has tried but nothing is working.

Why are you making such an effort?
She clearly doesn't give a toss about her relationship with you or her son. If she did, she would make a effort.
Why are you doing all the running?
Personally, anyone treated me that badly wouldn't see me for dust.
Let her off.
One day, she may wake up and see that her lonely life is a consequence of her own actions.

Stop arguing with your partner over this, otherwise you will allow her to ruin your relationship.

stressed27

Beruthiel wrote: »

Why are you making such an effort?
She clearly doesn't give a toss about her relationship with you or her son. If she did, she would make a effort.
Why are you doing all the running?
Personally, anyone treated me that badly wouldn't see me for dust.
Let her off.
One day, she may wake up and see that her lonely life is a consequence of her own actions.

Stop arguing with your partner over this, otherwise you will allow her to ruin your relationship.

Hi Beruthiel

Thanks for your reply. You are right in saying that she doesn't give a toss about her relationship with him because if she cared at all for him this wouldn't have happened. My partner is finding this hard to deal with, he's a typical male doesn't want to say how he is really feeling instead he'll pretend its something else and we end up arguing over nothing. I do hope that she does realise what she is causing but to be honest i think it is only wishful thinking on my part.