whether to get in contact with ex

LegacyUser

my head is stuck in the past and i cant seem to snap out of it.
we ended 3 years ago over a phone call, had been dating 8 years.
can't seem to move on, noone else was involved we were just arguing loads. he was under huge pressure from work at the time as well, had got promoted. afaik he hasnt dated anyone since. i have but noone has really clicked with me in the same way.
he will be emigrating at the end of the month, its not like getting in touch is going to mean us getting back together. i just cant stop wondering where it all went wrong, we used to be so good together before the change in work. im worried if i get in contact hes going to think iv been pining after him all the time, will it just end up being an ego trip for him. but then equally maybe hes thinking of me too.
i guess i just want closure on the whole thing, iv tried everything else but nothing seems to be working. my gut says call him, he used always do the running so wont anymore. but then my gut also says leave it, its over, id look like a lunatic getting in touch out of the blue 3years later.
well. should i call him or is there any point?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,


The advice that I can give to you is something I learnt in my early 30's. If you learn how to say two things then it can make your life so much simpler:

"sorry" and " I don't have the answer to that"


Now, it's not the recipe for a 'happy ever after' but it helps emotionally. 3 years is a long time to be carrying emotional baggage. I can't see what harm in contacting him will cause. Just a simple message or call saying, 'hi, I heard that you are moving abroad and wanted to wish you luck etc and I'm sorry for any pain caused'. It may be something he needs to hear or not but I think, more importantly, its something you need to do so you can move on. I guess you may still need closure.


Also I learnt over the years that my 'gut' is never wrong!!!!


Best of luck.

BraziliaNZ

3 years is a long time, he's getting on with his life and emigrating. You probably don't want to throw a spanner in the works just before he leaves. Just deal with it and move on!

Podgers

I think its no harm to send a message like what 321go says.

It shows that you still think of him and that you care. the worse that could happen is he wont reply but its better to regret something you have done than something you haven't done, if its meant to be it will happen.

I seen situations were couples breakup and over time they get back together, but seems to work when they maintain a friendly relationship after awhile. who knows.

BraziliaNZ

dfefie wrote: »

id look like a lunatic getting in touch out of the blue 3years later

Yes, I'd think you would, he'd probably feel sorry for you that you hadn't got on with your life. Is the fact that he's getting on with his life bothering you?

Ellsbells

I wouldn't bother. It's been a long time with no contact - what's the point opening the wound up again?