Messed It Up

TheFella

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daisybelle2008

The incidents you outline are worrying. The good thing is you are aware of it and willing to do something about it. That should be your priority, as it is something that will ruin any relationship you have unless you address it professionally.
You promised her you won't do it again ,but really that does not mean much as, she only knows you a couple of weeks and you are displaying extreme jealous behaviour, you can't guarantee that it won't happen again until you have dealt with it.
There are much deeper issues of insecurity that are causing this.
You seem to think she 'should' have given you another chance if she really had feelings half as much as she said. You are almost implying she is a liar and showing your insecurity.
Forget about her for the moment and prioritise counselling, your relationship is doomed until you fix that. She is doing you a favour if this is a catalyst for you changing for the better.

Ellsbells

A very toxic situation. Please get some counselling before heading into a relationship - for your own sake. You need to find out why you act like this. Good luck.

TheFella

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P. Breathnach

In life, you win some and you lose some. I think you have lost this one.

I suggest that conduct do a little mental exercise. Imagine she had agreed to give things another chance; then imagine that a couple of days later you found her exchanging friendly words with some male on facebook. How do you think you might react in such a scenario?

Bear in mind that even if you are in an exclusive relationship with a woman, she is entitled to have both male and female friends.

Bear in mind also that in the early stages of a relationship, even if you have clicked, it can be difficult to trust the other party fully until you really know one another. The best way to deal with that sort of insecurity is to act as if it's not there. Pretend things are okay, and you will usually be right.

TheFella

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Missy Moo Moo

Hi Op,

Am I reading this right that you only met her 2 weeks ago? If that's the case, then sorry to say I can understand why she freaked out a little, your behaviour seemed a little too intense for someone in the very very early stages.

As for contacting her again, once you've gotten counselling and stuff- I'd say leave it, if you bump into her or whatever by chance, well and good. I wouldn't be focusing on how to fix things with this girl, I'd be taking a lesson on how not to behave the next time there's a girl you like.

It sucks I know Op, and I do feel sorry for you, sometimes in life though we do need to learn things the hard way.

Best of luck with everything.

daisybelle2008

TheFella wrote: »

Thanks Daisey, your 100% right.

I don't blame her as its understandable for her to feel this way. I don't think she "should" give me a chance, I understand why, I'm just really down over it I happen to think she's a real gem. Although I did wonder if it was simply I wasn't what she hoped for in person and she was maybe trying to spare my feelings instead of having to say she didn't fancy me. But then again she wouldn't have spent all day with and kissing me surely.

I think I even know the prob myself and will tell the counsellor. I think I just don't feel I'm enough to keep someone interested at times, then lash out. It has happened before where the girl will make a big effort to reassure me when they should have sent me packing instead. So I guess I kick up to try and get attention/ re assurance After whats happened now I'll never act this way again. Nevermind the fact it's not right, I just can't handle ruining things with someone else I like.

I just wonder how everything went so well and she dragging me to get bit and bobs cause she said we'd be able to Skype better. I know she said it was in the back of her mind, but it just hit me so hard you know.

I was wondering when I'm seeing this person to talk about my issues, if I get it sorted and that, would it be worth maybe messaging this girl in the future? Or will she just think I'm a mental now, especially having to go speak to someone

It's not I'm over invested in her, it's just I clicked well with her and she made such an effort to show she liked me the same

OP there are an awful lot of positives to take from the situation. This girl did find you nice and attractive and others will to. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be thankful that you know you have an issue that can be addressed. You won't attract and keep a gem of a girl while you have this issue. Self respecting balanced girls will run a mile. Don't sell yourself short, address this, believe in yourself and give girls room to be themselves and trust. You will be beating them off

Herrick

Hi OP.

I would say that those incidents scared her off. She sounds like she does like you, but she said she had been with guys like that before. So she's prob just afraid to risk it.

It's good you know your wrong and want to address it.

Seeing as you met her online its most likely you won't run into her. So if its something you'll always wonder over, go speak to someone and work through your issues first.

Then maybe a few months down the line once your hopefully ok, you could drop her a line over FB or something. Maybe say you want to thank her cause messing things up with her made you realize how badly you acted and you have been kicking yourself cause you liked her. That you have been to someone and sorted it out and feel much better in yourself. That you hope shes well. This will give her an opening to talk to you again if she chooses. Then it's up to her to decide, maybe she might give you that chance with any luck.

TheFella

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daisybelle2008

Get your issues addressed. Early intensity is not a hallmark of a great relationship. Especially not in jealous insecure people. If you have read my responses before you will know I am no fan of it. You don't know a person after a few weeks. She did a very sensible thing moving on when you displayed dysfunctional behaviour fair play to her.
Sort yourself out and stop obsessing over this girl, it is not going to help you in the long run.

Missy Moo Moo

Herrick wrote: »

Seeing as you met her online its most likely you won't run into her. So if its something you'll always wonder over, go speak to someone and work through your issues first.

Then maybe a few months down the line once your hopefully ok, you could drop her a line over FB or something. Maybe say you want to thank her cause messing things up with her made you realize how badly you acted and you have been kicking yourself cause you liked her. That you have been to someone and sorted it out and feel much better in yourself. That you hope shes well. This will give her an opening to talk to you again if she chooses. Then it's up to her to decide, maybe she might give you that chance with any luck.

Not being funny but people you meet online still exist in real life, so there's every chance he could bump into her.

No disrespect to Herrick's advice, but I wouldn't contact her again OP in a few months to say that you've worked things out. It just adds to the intensity of the whole thing given the short time frame you knew her in and you're thanking her for letting you see the light? I'd say forget about this girl, pour your energies into getting over these kind of feelings so that next time round with another girl, you won't experience the same thing. Then if you bump into her, well and good. If not, so be it.

TheFella

Thanks all I'm waiting for the counselor to give me an appointment.

If a Mod could please lock and hide/delete this thread I'd be thankful.

red_poppy

TheFella wrote: »

Thanks all I'm waiting for the counselor to give me an appointment.

If a Mod could please lock and hide/delete this thread I'd be thankful.

Wow..definitely made the right call here!!!!