how do I explain to our 4 year old child that

babaorom

her parents are going to split? please

My irish partner and myself (non-irish) have been living together for 7 years and have a 4 year old daughter. we do not get on at all and are considering splitting.
my first question is in the title. although it's a terrible time, how can we explain without frightening her that her parents still love her very much but do not love each other anymore and that mummy and herself will have to move out.

my second problem is the following : they love each other dearly and i don't want to add extra stress but i am considering going back home as i will have my family's help there. i think it's the worst case scenario for her as it means she will only see her father during the holidays. should i go back home where my family will support me or should i stay in ireland so they both have more chance to keep on building up their relashionship?

hence my third question, i'm not earning much at the moment, doing language classes. if i decide we should stay in ireland, what benefits am i entitled to as a single mother? i don't earn enough to pay rent, bills, food, (the list is endless) and the financial stress will sure drown both of us very quickly. i have considered taking a full time job, but it means i'll be working to pay a childminder and i'll get to see my daughter only 1 or 2 hours a day. i'm not lazy but it just doesn't make sense to me to work so someone else has the privilege to mind her. as she'll be going to school in september, i can also try and find a part-time job (mornings) while she's at school, but the money won't feed us.

the thing is, as we were considering marrying, I have spent all my savings in his house and he refuses to give me back what I have invested. is there a way to get it back? or is it lost?

any advice, any idea, to help me manage better this mess would be highly apreciated. thank you.

WhyGoBald

My sympathies to you, OP, it sounds like you are going through a very difficult time.

babaorom wrote: »

my first question is in the title. although it's a terrible time, how can we explain without frightening her that her parents still love her very much but do not love each other anymore and that mummy and herself will have to move out.

Tell her just what your have written here, and encourage her to talk about her feelings. The only way she will be frightened is if she doesn't know what is going on. It will be hard, there is no doubt, but if you both support her through it she will be ok.

my second problem is the following : they love each other dearly and i don't want to add extra stress but i am considering going back home as i will have my family's help there. i think it's the worst case scenario for her as it means she will only see her father during the holidays. should i go back home where my family will support me or should i stay in ireland so they both have more chance to keep on building up their relashionship?

I think you should seek legal advice (try the Free Legal Advice centre if you can't afford a solicitor) because if your partner is a joint guardian you may need his permission to take her out of the country.

the thing is, as we were considering marrying, I have spent all my savings in his house and he refuses to give me back what I have invested. is there a way to get it back? or is it lost?

You definitely need legal advice on this. If you have put money into the house, my uneducated guess is that you might have a claim on it, but that is not legal advice as I know nothing about it. But definitely pursue it.

You cannot take all this on yourself, and you can't take sole responsibility for maintaining the relationship between your partner and your daughter either. I think at this stage you need legal advice and mediation might be a good idea too.

There are some organisations that can give you advice on your entitlements. Please look at some of the links in this thread. You can also talk to people who are in your situation.

The very best of luck to you.

babaorom

for these information.
that's a good start to sort it out.
thanks