How do I keep a man interested

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm in my late 20's. I have had a few short term relationships the longest one was 6 months but for the last 2 months he hit the bottle and wasn't treating aswell as he did at the start of the relationship so when i said I wasn't happy with all his drinking he said fine walked out the door and I pretty much never heard from him again other than the usual pleaseantries if we met in the pub randomly. This was the same guy for the four months previous we would be having the chats and i was mad about him and thought he felt the same, just went cold.

Everytime I meet a guy they appear to be interested in me initially but interest in me always seems to wane. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong. I like to think I have a good personality and I'm decent looking, I don't think i change. I wouldn't say that I am amazing in the bedroom but I do try my best to keep a man pleased and would expect them to return the favour.

I don't sleep with men on the first date or second really unless the mood takes me:P Some men disappear before I even sleep with them. What can I do to stop men getting bored of me and moving on??

blatantrereg

you could ask them why their attitude changes. They might give you a straight answer.

i would advise not too worry about them.

keep yourself happy. thats the most important thing. do things you want to do.
the right person will love you for it and will do nice things for you.

its not all up to you, you know. you dont need to keep these men happy. if they are not happy, let them off!!

someone else will be.
maybe you are lacking a bit of self confidence at the moment? forget about these guys, just do whatever you want yourself for now.
self confidence is very attractive, neediness is not.

Logical_Bear

Dont take it to heart its probably not that you're doing anything wrong,it happens.People show initial interest and then for what ever reason they lose it.

As somebody said above just do your own thing,keep yourself happy and eventually you will just click with someone.just be yourself.

leggo

OP your mindset is interesting. Understandable, in that it's something we should all worry about, but still interesting.

As someone has said, you seem to be a little low on confidence. Your attitude is that you need to DO something to keep them interested, i.e. you don't see yourself as interesting enough as is, whereas some would adopt the mindset that it's simply their ex's loss if they walk away on a good thing. See the difference?

So, from that, maybe you're trying too hard to impress them? I've dated girls like that before and it can push me away quicker than a lot of genuine character flaws. Reason being, when I later see another side of their personality, I wonder what else they haven't told me about themselves, what they've been covering up (so to speak) and the trust that I've based the start of the relationship on wanes.

My advice would be to take some time to enjoy being single for a while. Learn to enjoy your own company and discover the things that make you a great partner, and examine how you can show these qualities off to a potential partner. I fear that if you jump back into a relationship with someone and start trying to keep them interested you'll only compound the problem and end up back at square one. Do what you've always done and you'll get what you've always gotten, and all that.

I'm sure you're a great catch for someone out there and that any flaws you might have are minor, like all of us have. So just figure out what makes you great again and you'll be flying.

Doc Farrell

bubblypop wrote: »

i would advise not too worry about them.

keep yourself happy. thats the most important thing. do things you want to do.
the right person will love you for it and will do nice things for you.

its not all up to you, you know. you dont need to keep these men happy. if they are not happy, let them off!!

someone else will be.
maybe you are lacking a bit of self confidence at the moment? forget about these guys, just do whatever you want yourself for now.
self confidence is very attractive, neediness is not.

Exactly.
It's not up to you to keep another person interested! It's up to you to keep yourself interested in life! To keep yourself busy enjoying life and enjoying the company of friends, enjoying your own time. Believe me you will need a big stick to beat men away if they think that you are enjoying your life! And when you find the many ways there are to enjoy each day and to improve your self confidence to such a degree that you simply cannot be exploited by others, then you can teach others how to do the same.
You don't need a man to complete you. You need a man to carry heavy stuff. Relationships can be difficult for everyone but if you find yourself in second place to some guys ego every time then you should definitely do a short positive course on improving your self confidence. And then dump him!

blatantrereg

Being careful about how you effect other people isn't compromising who you are. It's just courteous, and sensible really. There's no shame in asking someone if something about your behaviour has put them off you. It's a good idea - let's you learn and grow. It doesn't mean your inviting them to dictate how you behave or something like that. It's just intelligent to gather information that might help you in future.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Have you thought about maybe it's not your personality or anything about you? Are you giving out the right signals to tell them you are interested?

Do you contact them first or do you wait till they contact you? Some girls don't even realize they do this. I've had a few dates where I was always getting in contact first, asking them out on dates then after I while of this I just took it that they weren't interested anymore and left them to it, then they make contact asking why I haven't been in touch!!!

It's just something to think about as I have came across this a good bit with women I have dated and as I said they don't even realize it!!!

Good luck with your search and keep the head up. :-)

LegacyUser

Hi All,
OP here, thanks a million for your replies.

I think I might be showing I'm interested too much at the start. I just don't like those playing hard to get mind games. I think if you like someone you shouldn't pretend not to. I have no problem texting first and reply whenever I see the message.

I have asked "where it all went wrong" but couldn't get a straight answer effectively all i got was "i don't know" and "You didn't do anything" then I started feeling like a nag and since we weren't together anymore I just dropped it. Any of the rest of them kinda just disappeared into the sunset, pretty much just stopped replying.

okiss

I would have some time on your own being single. Get involved with a few groups or organisations. Build up your own life and friendships as if your happy within yourself you will met someone.
When you start to go out with someone keep in contact with your friends and don't be always there for your boyfriend.
Also I would wait a while before having sex with a new boyfriend - get to know them as a person before going to bed with them.
Also the last man your where with started to hit the bottle for 2 months before you told him that you were unhappy with this. I would have told him this a lot sooner as by your age any man should know he has enough drink.
Don't get involved with a heavy drinker as drink will come first, they could start arguments and hit you.
All relationships require give and take but if your doing all the giving it is not a relationship. It not always about money, expensive gifts ect but you want some one who is willing to be there for you and treats you with a bit of respect.