Housemate's parents are always here

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, just a minor issue but something that is starting to piss me off. There are three of us living in a city centre apartment who all started the same graduate job scheme last year. Myself and the other girl already find the guy in the flat quite weird and self-absorbed, so the living situation is already not great.

Lately however, the girl is starting to piss me off a lot too. She whinges and moans that there's no social life here (I disagree, I go out nearly every weekend), and has started to spend a lot of time with her parents. Her mother has been up every weekend for around the last month, and one or two weekends a month before that. Sometimes her dad too. Now they do go out and do things, but I'd rather they weren't here at all. For example, last weekend I came in tipsily at 11pm to grab something from the living room and the two of them were plonked in front of the Olympics, and just stared at me stonily. I absolutely love living away from home and rarely see my parents. I don't get why a 23 year old girl clings to her mother like a baby. And all they seem to do is argue anyway!

Am I being unreasonable by getting tired of this? I realise she is entitled to have whoever she wants over as a guest. It would be different if it was a boyfriend though as I wouldn't feel like I have to be on 'good behaviour'. Tonight they're going out but will be back by 10.30pm. I'm having people over for drinks and really don't want to have to knock the drinks back and head out ASAP just to avoid her mother, who seems quite conservative.

We're all moving out relatively soon anyway as our lease is expired but just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? It's good to vent anyway! Thanks.

ICANN

Yeah I had this with a fella I lived with. His parents would come up nearly every Friday night because they planned on meeting their friends on the Saturday morning. I used to feel like I couldn't have people over on Friday nights for a few drinks before heading out in town because they'd be there in front of the tv with a takeaway. Once he went away for the weekend to Dublin and I thought that I'd have the house to myself and I nearly died when they walked in the door and announced that they were staying the whole weekend. I was raging!

To be honest I can't give any advice because I never did anything about it. In fairness to them his parents were really sound people it was just annoying them coming around more often than his girlfriend!

curlzy

LOL, this is resolved really really easily, you just gotta grow some balls. Want the simple answer: Have a very boozy, very messy party when they're up, plonk down beside them with someone you fancy on your lap and snog the face off them loudly. Proceed to higher up the music and if anything is said, just say "eh, common area, I pay rent here too, you've had your parents up every weekend, now it's time to PARTAY!!! WHOOOOO" then hop up on the table and strip off while people chant your name. LOL. Bet you any money it's the last time they land up on top of you

In all seriousness this is what I would do but I've never had housemates that insist on having their parents over.

Lollipops23

No, it's absolutely not ok. I can understand once or twice having them stay, but what parent WANTS to hang around in a youngsters house (that's what my mam would call it anyway...)
The only time you can have people stay for long periods of time or frequent occasions is when you live alone.

woodchuck

For tonight, if you and your friends are there first and they come in, then I wouldn't be rushing to get out of their way! They can either 'join in' or do something else themselves. You've just as much right to be there as them, but if you start bending to their needs it will just seem like they should always get priority.

For future things, I'd say it to her ahead of time that you're planning to have people over and want to be able to use the living room for the night (sometimes you have to 'book' these things!).

At least you'll be moving out soon anyway though. But that's what I'd do anyway! Not quite as extreme as curlzy, but I agree that you have to speak up if you want things to change!

Merkin

Any time you know they are coming in future I would make an absolute point of inviting every single friend over for a wine and pizza evening. Anyone is entitled to have guests but been given a stony reception when tipsy IN YOUR OWN LIVING ROOM is totally out of order. If the lease is up soon then another option is to have it out with her and tell her you'd like to enjoy the last couple of months in the apartment without having them over to visit at every opportunity.

skooterblue2

Hi OP,
Firstly how long is left on the lease? If it is less than 8 weeks then just "put up with it". Remember you still have to work with these people.

Maybe its her strategy to get ye to move out so she can have the apartment to herself? None of ye appear to enjoy each others company. I can't blame ye, living and working together would do my head in.

The First thing I would do is go looking for accomodation. Then register with the local corporation to be put on a housing list.
I would say you probably need your own house and living space

jimmycrackcorm

I'd take two approaches. Firstly I'd make judgement against visitation by guests of the other housemates. I.e. If you have a girlfriend staying over five nights a week then put up with it.

Otherwise when those parents come over to stay then make a simple point about it by going in to the sitting room and randomly changing tv channel. It's not their house and they don't count staying there so ignore them as if they weren't there. You have absolutely no obligation to them.

Ellsbells

Where do they sleep? How weird?

Organise a party for each night they are there - they will get the hint

skooterblue2

Ellsbells wrote: »

Organise a party for each night they are there - they will get the hint

This house is Poisoned, meaning there is a bad vibe or relations here. You can enforce the no over night visitors and she can do the same. End of the day you both lose. Some fights arent worth winning.

Remember that there could be a no party clause which could be grounds for you being thrown out. I would go with its time to move on.

This girl claims she has moved out of home but clearly she has just moved home with her and TAKEN HER BAGGAGE WITH HER AS WELL. This is her choice/situation. It is not your responsibility to sort it out. Yes I do think she is well out of order.

It is as simple as you don't own the house and you dont have a responsibilty towards the house other than its good order and pay your bills. Apply for Local Authority housing and between then find some where else to live with people who have less baggage.

snafuk35

Housemateissue wrote: »

Hi everyone, just a minor issue but something that is starting to piss me off. There are three of us living in a city centre apartment who all started the same graduate job scheme last year. Myself and the other girl already find the guy in the flat quite weird and self-absorbed, so the living situation is already not great.

Lately however, the girl is starting to piss me off a lot too. She whinges and moans that there's no social life here (I disagree, I go out nearly every weekend), and has started to spend a lot of time with her parents. Her mother has been up every weekend for around the last month, and one or two weekends a month before that. Sometimes her dad too. Now they do go out and do things, but I'd rather they weren't here at all. For example, last weekend I came in tipsily at 11pm to grab something from the living room and the two of them were plonked in front of the Olympics, and just stared at me stonily. I absolutely love living away from home and rarely see my parents. I don't get why a 23 year old girl clings to her mother like a baby. And all they seem to do is argue anyway!

Am I being unreasonable by getting tired of this? I realise she is entitled to have whoever she wants over as a guest. It would be different if it was a boyfriend though as I wouldn't feel like I have to be on 'good behaviour'. Tonight they're going out but will be back by 10.30pm. I'm having people over for drinks and really don't want to have to knock the drinks back and head out ASAP just to avoid her mother, who seems quite conservative.

We're all moving out relatively soon anyway as our lease is expired but just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? It's good to vent anyway! Thanks.

Unless you get new room mates or consider moving into a new place this isn't going to change.

looksee

skooterblue2 wrote: »

Hi OP,

The First thing I would do is go looking for accomodation. Then register with the local corporation to be put on a housing list.
I would say you probably need your own house and living space

A little aside from the main thrust of the discussion, but Skooterblue2 you have twice suggested getting LA housing, as though this were a feasible alternative! The OP is extremely unlikely to qualify for LA housing, and even if he were eligible, its not something that is going to happen soon enough to be of any help here.

skooterblue2

Its not going to happen today but the OP is on graduate Job scheme which is WWP2?. This social welfare plus €50? She is entitled to local authority housing. I have been on the scheme 8 years and still not offered a place, only to find out that you have to push for it.
That means chasing Councillors and TD's.
You cant get it if you are not in. There are a load of places going to go towards social housing in NAMA. When they get released to Local Authority as part of the social aspect of NAMA. Wouldnt it be nicer to be at the top of the list when it does happen?

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here. Thanks for the replies. To clear up any confusion- I meant we're all on the same graduate development programme for the same company. A fully paid job. I don't live in Ireland. About to go out to the kitchen to take my washing from the machine... the two of them have been watching the Olympics for the last two hours...

But luckily our lease does end at the end of the month! Seriously considering living alone in the medium-term future. So much hassle and headaches living with strangers. Obviously the best thing would be to mention my issues to her, but it's not always easy when you live with someone! Thanks again everyone!

okiss

Why are her parents in your apartment so often? This girl needs to grow up.
I would tell her that you are having your friends over next weekend and you don't want her parents there. They is nothing as bad as having guests who think they are living there.
I know at various time we all have people staying over but not as often as this.
I would explain to this girl that you don't want her parents there as much as they have been. I would also tell her that when your lease is up and if she is sharing after this other people won't want her parents there always.
I lived in both house shares and in studio apartments but living on my own was better. My bills were my own and I did not have unwelcome guests staying where I lived also.

skooterblue2

I think this goes beyond the OP responsibility of sorting this girls life. I dont think it is a good idea working AND living with her work/house mates. The last thing you want to do is socialise with these people as well. Just give your 4 weeks notice and start looking. There are house mates with less baggage out there OP. You just have too look and trust your instincts.

s08t

previously wrote by curlzy: LOL, this is resolved really really easily, you just gotta grow some balls. Want the simple answer: Have a very boozy, very messy party when they're up, plonk down beside them with someone you fancy on your lap and snog the face off them loudly. Proceed to higher up the music and if anything is said, just say "eh, common area, I pay rent here too, you've had your parents up every weekend, now it's time to PARTAY!!! WHOOOOO" then hop up on the table and strip off while people chant your name. LOL. Bet you any money it's the last time they land up on top of you.

Ha Ha ha, very very gud...pissed myself laughing over dat. That shud work, def. I cant give you any advice as it never happened to me when sharing, but as seen as it isnt only ur housemate in the house, u shud put ur foot down. I had a different kind of experience with one female housemate I shared with and I did nothing about it. After moving out I SOoooo... regretted not standing up for myself. Id say to follow curlzy advice and grow some balls and stand up to her or just mortify the parents so they never land up again!!!

mood

woodchuck wrote: »

For tonight, if you and your friends are there first and they come in, then I wouldn't be rushing to get out of their way! They can either 'join in' or do something else themselves. You've just as much right to be there as them, but if you start bending to their needs it will just seem like they should always get priority.

For future things, I'd say it to her ahead of time that you're planning to have people over and want to be able to use the living room for the night (sometimes you have to 'book' these things!).

At least you'll be moving out soon anyway though. But that's what I'd do anyway! Not quite as extreme as curlzy, but I agree that you have to speak up if you want things to change!

No, you have more right to be there than them. You are a paying tenant. They are not. Have friends over and don't vacate the common areas for them. It's your place not theirs.