Paranoid Personality Disorder.

LegacyUser

Let me begin by saying that even writing this here anonymously feels like I'm 'betraying' this person's trust, but I feel utterly exhausted. So if anyone has any advice on how to cope, please let me know.

I have suspected for a long time now that my mother has PPD. In recent years, due to stress (brought on by some legal problems) this seems to have escalated into a full-on delusion that is taking over her life. She believes that she is being followed everywhere, that nearly everyone (random sales person, a person who stands too close in a queue, neighbors) know who she is and are involved in a conspiracy against her; that her house, phone and internet are being listened to, or that strangers are getting in when she leaves the house. For this reason she has started going out only when necessary, and sets elaborate thread 'traps' to see if they are broken when she returns, to prove her theory. She has changed the locks many times, and has stopped allowing me to have keys even when I stay with her (I live quite far, so if I come for a visit it is usually for a week or longer).

She has alienates most people, but talks about it constantly to me, and tries to enlist my help to write articles/letters to political figures/legal complaints all the time. I try to be as diplomatic as possible when I decline, but this only makes her angry and desperate and she accuses me of being in on the plot and betraying her. She cries and screams at me a lot, is constantly suspicious of me, blames me for the most inane things. On her bad days, if she sees me talk/ text someone/ type on the computer she assumes that I must be talking about her and becomes upset. Sometimes I can't help but yell back, and be angry at her too, but at the same time I feel that she must trust me (as much as she can trust someone) to confide in me, and must be feeling terribly lonely.

I have to admit that in the past I have probably unwittingly enabled her delusions, but only in the sense that they weren't quite as bizarre and I found them somewhat plausible. Perhaphs I was just in denial and didn't want to see what was right in front of me. My mother is a very intelligent person, and has a strong personality, so maybe I just didn't want to risk breaking my relationship with her.

The rest of my family have one by one walked away. I feel like I am at the end of my rope.

Taltos

Folk

Can I remind posters to please stay away from any type of medical diagnosis here.

Thanks
Taltos

looksee

OP, you have my sympathy. Now first, you are not betraying a trust in trying to get help for her or for yourself. She hasn't sworn you to secrecy - except as part of the delusions - as apparently she is not aware she has a problem.

You can either decide to try and get some help for her, which will not be easy, not least because she does not know she needs help, or you can walk away. If you walk away she will continue with her delusions, but she will, for the moment anyway, continue to look after herself. If you stay you will not get any thanks for trying to help her. Either way, don't beat yourself up about it. I understand what you are saying about enabling, let it go, you haven't caused any problems that were not there already. Your instinct is to not get involved in the delusions and I would agree with you.

I guess you will probably stay, either emotionally or physically. In that case you need to be aware that you have to look after yourself while trying to help her.

You need professional help. That is not to say that she will agree to accept help, she doesn't have a problem, but if you are going to stay and try and do something for her you need support. First call is your (or her) GP. Let him advise whether there is anything that can be done, and whether you should actually stay with her, or keep an eye on her from a distance.

Getting help for these kind of problems is not easy - actually if the person does not see a problem it is almost impossible so long as they are not doing themselves a physical injury - and you may not be able to do anything very concrete for her, but you do need to involve a professional, for your own sake.

I know you say other members of the family have walked away. Talk to them, people walk away because they feel helpless and don't know what to do, you may find there is still concern and sympathy there if they understand you are trying to do something.

First of all though, go to your GP and get some support in trying to help your mother. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your post looksee.

The problem with getting help from a professional is that everytime I've suggested anything like that to her (as in 'this situation is very stressful to you, maybe you should see someone who'd be able to help you'), she sees it as me attacking her and being in on the plot. Like you say, the person is not going to accept getting help for a problem that they don't have.

More importantly, she doesn't trust doctors. She has changed GPs a few times in the last few years because they made her suspicious or she thought they were not taking her seriously. So if her doctor were to tell her to go to a mental health specialist, it'd be more of the same, she'd assume he has a part of the conspiracy and trying to get her locked up, and find a new one. Something similar happened with one of the past GPs, in fact. He referred her to psychiatrist and she said that it was just so convenient for him to be able to cover his own incompetence by calling her crazy, she filed a complaint and never went to him again.

looksee

I fully understand what you are saying OP, but really I was thinking more in terms of you getting help in figuring out how to deal with the situation. You need some support, or you need to walk away. I am pretty sure you are not going to do that, so you need help in learning how to cope with the situation. It will not solve it, or make any difference to your mother, but it could help you cope.

It is not easy getting that kind of help, services are more set up for helping the person who is immediately affected, but if the person doesn't consider him/herself ill, then this approach is no help. In fact you are the person who has, or is, a problem, as far as your mother is concerned. This is a situation that can eventually wreck your head.

There is not a lot you can do for your mother, sadly. But you do need to look after yourself. Go back to your GP and see if he can make any suggestions for someone for you to talk to. Unfortunately once you do that you are then 'the person with the problem' and more likely to be treated as a patient (which you are, kind of) than someone who needs support as a carer. You may have to 'shop around' till you find someone who can help you, bearing in mind that in the current state of dealing with mental health issues, there is not a lot that anyone else can do either. It is complicated and difficult, but if you are going to stay, you do need support.

The alternative is to walk away. Your mother is physically able to look after herself, and is content to live with her obsessions. You cannot do anything with what is going on in her head, and really the only person suffering is you. You also know that this is a situation where eventually she could end up as the lonely old person that the rest of society tuts about and says 'where is her family?' You can't win. Please go and talk to your GP for your own sake.