Lonely life!

Lost24

Late 20's still at home. No job for last year to help fund moving out. Single and relationship experience..zero.... Which has not changed and prob wont, since well.... Ever!

I supose I am hear because feel a little alone in society. I don't really have friends at home. Most of my friends now (from college) are scattered so dnt get to see them often. Plus feeling a bit left out as a lot have good supportive jobs and in relationships. I think being on the social welfare has put them off me.... As in I am not up to their standards of being able to afford go on holidays and days out.

Most of friends ( if u can call them that) from home area are all gone separate ways working, living with partners or planning weddings.

Parents drive me mad at times....asked 100 questions if I go any where or do anything. I basically live in my room most of the time. Would love my own space to do my own thing when are how I want.

I wish things would start happening for me like I thought they would 5 years ago. I have a good education behind me but no direction on what to do or where to go next. I honestly never thought i would be in rhis situation. Buy now i should have travelled places, done things i always wanted to do etc but nothing. I have never been on holiday really well one that i could fly too. Even if i did i would prob travel alone! I dnt have much of a social life apart for dragging my cousin to cinema. Or a few mths ago none of my friends wer interested in tickets to a show so had to go with parents. I don't really drink and I feel this puts friends off from asking me on a night out.

Nothing comes easy these days. Life is an empty & complex maze!!!

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Sorry to read you're feeling this way. Usually people will say join a club or society to try and meet new people or get out of the house - is there something in your area you could be interested in that wouldn't cost the earth?

Or what about volunteering? Even if you don't meet new friends it would help boost your confidence and self worth.

Also I think you should stop beating yourself up by not having done x,y or z by a certain age.

I have a few friends who are always saying "i want to be married by 30" or "I want to own a house by the end of this year". They put a stupid amount of pressure on themselves to conform to these "standards" they think society has! Approaching 30 may seem scary and there's nothing wrong with having goals but please give yourself a break, don't mind what everyone else is doing with theirs. You have your whole life to do anything you want

miec

Hi Op

Loneliness is a terrible thing and from a quick glance at the PI forum there are a lot of us out there. Like you I feel lonely but I am having to force myself to get out there and do things. It is very frightening and nerve wracking but the only way to build a life for yourself is actually doing it.

I know that being unemployed doesn't help either but the fact you don't drink is a bonus as you should be able to set aside a small amount once the bills have been paid. I personally recommend writing out an action plan to fill your life up. I've listed a few suggestions as I am not sure of what you are into but I hope it helps:

1) Do some voluntary work (this should be the first thing you do as it will fill up the day) and select something that you think you would enjoy. Good places that list voluntary jobs is www.thewheel.ie or www.activelink.ie

2) Failing that go for retraining, maybe computer skills, digital media or that kind of thing.

3) Check out Meet Ups, this is mainly Dublin centered so may not be an option, but they are a good way of making new friends and there are a variety of topics. For instance I recently joined a spirituality group and came out buzzing from it (despite going in feeling sick with nerves)

4) Take up dancing, join a book club - all of these a very low in cost or join a hill walking club.

5) Although I have not found this to be social as such, but joining a gym is a great way of releasing stress and in my case helps with my depression. I pay €36 a month so that may be an option and I can go as much as I like.

6) If you are passionate about politics or the environment there are groups to connect with.

All of this will help build your confidence and one thing usually leads into another. Up until two years ago I never joined anything and then I joined a writing group and the stuff + friends that came out of that have helped me during some really tough times (not all of them know what I am going through but being around people helps).

As for relationships, I can't really advice there as I struggle in that area but by doing some or all of the above it will at least help with the loneliness and the more you stretch yourself the more your self esteem builds up and be willing to take greater risks.

As for comparing yourself with your friends, that in essence is equivalent to giving yourself a punch in the face and saying you are crap, I know that is easier said than done, I have done enough of that ****e myself in the past but try to avoid it if you can.

Lastly 'ever' is a long time. Don't consign yourself to loneliness and singledom forever, that is terrible place to put yourself.

Right now you are single, right now you are unemployed, right now you have not travelled but these things will come to you if you allow them in. If you keep saying X will never happen, then it will never happen because you have put the barrier there but by saying right now I have X situation but it could change means you are open to new things. I am realising that it is all about how we view a thing in our mind, our perspective so to speak. Good luck Op I hope you make the changes and embrace life.

Doc Farrell

miec wrote: »

Hi Op

Loneliness is a terrible thing and from a quick glance at the PI forum there are a lot of us out there. Like you I feel lonely but I am having to force myself to get out there and do things. It is very frightening and nerve wracking but the only way to build a life for yourself is actually doing it.

I know that being unemployed doesn't help either but the fact you don't drink is a bonus as you should be able to set aside a small amount once the bills have been paid. I personally recommend writing out an action plan to fill your life up. I've listed a few suggestions as I am not sure of what you are into but I hope it helps:

1) Do some voluntary work (this should be the first thing you do as it will fill up the day) and select something that you think you would enjoy. Good places that list voluntary jobs is www.thewheel.ie or www.activelink.ie

2) Failing that go for retraining, maybe computer skills, digital media or that kind of thing.

3) Check out Meet Ups, this is mainly Dublin centered so may not be an option, but they are a good way of making new friends and there are a variety of topics. For instance I recently joined a spirituality group and came out buzzing from it (despite going in feeling sick with nerves)

4) Take up dancing, join a book club - all of these a very low in cost or join a hill walking club.

5) Although I have not found this to be social as such, but joining a gym is a great way of releasing stress and in my case helps with my depression. I pay €36 a month so that may be an option and I can go as much as I like.

6) If you are passionate about politics or the environment there are groups to connect with.

All of this will help build your confidence and one thing usually leads into another. Up until two years ago I never joined anything and then I joined a writing group and the stuff + friends that came out of that have helped me during some really tough times (not all of them know what I am going through but being around people helps).

As for relationships, I can't really advice there as I struggle in that area but by doing some or all of the above it will at least help with the loneliness and the more you stretch yourself the more your self esteem builds up and be willing to take greater risks.

As for comparing yourself with your friends, that in essence is equivalent to giving yourself a punch in the face and saying you are crap, I know that is easier said than done, I have done enough of that ****e myself in the past but try to avoid it if you can.

Lastly 'ever' is a long time. Don't consign yourself to loneliness and singledom forever, that is terrible place to put yourself.

Right now you are single, right now you are unemployed, right now you have not travelled but these things will come to you if you allow them in. If you keep saying X will never happen, then it will never happen because you have put the barrier there but by saying right now I have X situation but it could change means you are open to new things. I am realising that it is all about how we view a thing in our mind, our perspective so to speak. Good luck Op I hope you make the changes and embrace life.

Brilliant advice. Right on the money. I really think the op could be a great help to a charity.

As an aside, occasionally one can find bullies in a charity, it's unfortunate but that's the way human ego works. So it's important to stand up for yourself and not be bullied by anyone. Stand up for yourself and enjoy yourself!