Attracted to a girl at group

LegacyUser

Hi,

I attend a group in Dublin for people suffering from depression. I have started to become very attracted to a girl who also attends. We chat a lot, often sit beside each other and walk each other out afterwards. We chat about very real and interesting stuff, we have a lot in common and share a good sense of humour. I will say that in recent months our moods seem to be good regardless.

I am wondering what people think? Should I act by asking her out perhaps for a coffee? The reason I'm in a quandary is because of where we met. Is it the wrong thing to do? What if she says no? What if she says yes?

Really appreciate any input on this if only to get a handle on what people find acceptable or in the norm. Many thanks.

ted1

I think you should leave her be. A support group Os not a place to pick up women.

looksee

Enjoy the chats for now. Did you agree not to try and meet other members of the group outside the meetings? It may be that she feels secure within the meeting that she can talk to someone without the pressure of dates and relationships.

At the end of the course of meetings you could say to her 'I've enjoyed our chats, would you like to meet me for coffee next week since we won't be here' or words to that effect. Don't push it, accept it if she says no - with whatever excuse - and don't treat it like a date. You can have female friends that you can talk to without the sense that you are in any sort of relationship. If a relationship is going to develop, let it happen gradually and naturally.

Merkin

Is there an end in sight to this Group, i.e. is it a 12-week meet-up that will eventually finish? If so I would hang on until then. If not I'd be inclined not to act on it for now, a support group is supposed to be a safe haven of sorts and no matter how well you get on I'm not so sure it's the appropriate setting to ask someone out. If on the other hand she were to announce that she will no longer be attending then it's fine to ask her for a coffee or what have you.

LegacyUser

Many thanks for the replies so far. They do give me a sense of other peoples norms. Let me just explain that I in no way want to "pick this girl up" as one person put it. I am very fond of her, enjoy her company and over the past few weeks a, finding myself thinking more and more about her. I have the up most respect for her. There are no practical rules in place on this, and there is no real end to this group, it goes on and on with new people coming and going over the years.

I absolutely appreciate that it is not a wholly appropriate setting to establish a relationship from, and also appreciate that this group needs to be a safe haven and a place where she can come and feel comfortable. Thank you to those of you who pointed that out, I was being a bit selfish in not considering it up until now. But hey at least I am here looking for advice and not just acting out of impulse.

I like the idea of asking her out for a coffee and to chat, not really a date but rather a vehicle. Something that may or may not lead to a friendship or a relationship but no pressure or expectations either way. But I'm scared that may scare her or put her off.

I think I may consider leaving the group. In the past few weeks she is a total distraction for me and I only attend now in the hope that she will be there too. If I do decide to leave, I can and may look to join another group else where.

She's on my mind a lot. I have not felt like this about a girl in years. In an ironic way, it's lit a fire under me. makes me feel young again and energetic. makes me want to be a better person and has the effect of further easing my own depression......Irony for you.

P. Breathnach

You need to take some account of your own psychological state and hers. It must be possible that you are both well enough to handle a relationship, as depression is not necessarily an incapacitating condition.

There is nothing wrong in nurturing a friendship in the hope it might develop into something more, but you have to guard against the possibility that she is emotionally vulnerable at present.

If the group is facilitated by a suitable expert, there might be a point in asking that person for a few minutes' private time, and setting out your issue - bearing in mind that it would be improper for that person to discuss another client with you.