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Alco mum - advice needed

  • 01-08-2012 11:01am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So for years my mum has drank wine excessively. Really when her marraige to my dad broke down she started to have a glass of wine at night. Its taken years but its gotten to the stage where she's steamed on a regular basis during the week in the evenings.

    I knew the day would come when I'd have to deal with it and it would seem that day is today.

    On Sunday she had invited me over for a bbq'd burger with my daughter. When we got there at around 4pm she was already drinking. By the time the dinner was nearly ready I checked on things (trying to help) and noticed the spuds she'd put into the pot to boil still had muck on them and by the time the bbq was ready and the meat was cooked she was slurring her words.

    I don't really know what to do because I'm worried about her obviously. If she starts drinking in the daytime during the week she will loose her job, not be able to pay her mortgage and become homeless. There's nothing I or my sister can do about that.

    I'm hoping someone can give some advice about what we should do. Both of us are in our late 20's.


Comments

  • #2
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    AlcoMum wrote: »
    I'm hoping someone can give some advice about what we should do. Both of us are in our late 20's.

    You cant do anything for your mum. Only the person drinking can change things.

    You can however do things for yourselves. You can go to Alanon and learn the tools to deal/cope with another persons drinking and how not to be an enabler - for example, in the bbq story, if you disagree with a persons drinking and you arrive and they are drinking then leave and let them know why. Staying and checking on the food etc is enabling. Most of what we do as a natural response is enabling.

    Does your mum know that you have an issue with her drinking? Does she admit she has an issue with drinking? Probably not if she is still holding down a job. My own father held one down for years as a functioning alcoholic. When he eventually lost it due to his alcoholism he blamed everyone but himself for that.

    Maybe start with reading this - it kind of explains the roles that are being played out and clarifies why we act as we do and how that doesnt actually help the alcoholic.

    And think about your daughter, from a really young age children pick up on alcoholism, I can remember the smell from alcoholic uncles of mine from the age of 3 or 4 and it scared me. Or the fact that my father shouted when he had that smell but used a normal tone of voice when he didnt. It all has an effect.


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