Is there something wrong with me?

LegacyUser

This is part rant, part question.

This is comming from the fact that a few months ago I ended up back on the dating scene after a few years in a relationship.
Since then I've realised I have a bit of a problem in starting a conversation with women, but I do try. Mostly this is on a night out, and somehow I usually end up with them stopping talking to me or acknowledgeing me once one of their friends comes over, or another guy comes over.
A pattern I noticed is that these are generally good looking girls and the guys they seem to end up with are the kind who just about evolved enough not to drool constantly.

To try and get round this I signed up for a couple of dating sites. I'm basically getting the online version of this now tho.
I sent out messages to most of the women in my area (theres not that many). A few of them replied, however one of them deleted her profile the following day, another just stopped replying after I sent a picture, another has stopped replying now after about 20 messages.
I get a logo on the screen telling me when someone I contacted is online and I see that quite a bit, but still no replies. And I'm talking in almost a week.

So thats how I got to the question, is there something wrong with me or what I'm doing?
And I do realise that as usual this post will quickly stop getting replies too, my posts on this boards never seem to get many replies.

ash23

Wow, are you always that negative? If so I think that's the answer to your question.
If not and this is just for boards and you are usually witty and charming, then my advice is this. Know when to stop.

If you are chatting to a girl in a pub and she is basically giving off all the "leave me alone" signals, then try to read the situation and walk away. In my own experience, if someone is talking to me and I'm not interested and a friend comes over, I take that as an opportunity to get away from the person who was talking to me.
Fact of it is OP, not everyone will like you. It's just the way it is. It's a numbers game. And if you can see the "not interested" vibes then you won't waste time talking to someone who is not interested and it will give you a chance to talk to more people.

Also I don't know what age you are or how long its been since becoming single, but if it's a while then you also need to know your audience. What worked for you when you bagged your last girl at 21 won't work if you are now hitting on 30 year old women.

And when you are out, how is your behaviour? Are you drinking too much? Being lairy? What type/age of woman are you trying to attract because that will also affect the responses as to how to win them over.

Personally, I found internet dating a total waste of time but I know others swear by it so someone else would be able to answer that part of the problem. But from my experience, I have found that I wouldn't respond to a one word, badly written email. So someone emailing me and saying "Hi, how are U?" or "Looking good!" is not going to get an email back.

LegacyUser

Like I said, part rant. I'm usually a sarcastic person but I like to think I know when to be serious too.

I'm either not noticing those signals or their not giving them off. I take the hint pretty quickly when they ignore me.
I do know that not everyone will like me. I'm a shy person by nature so playimg the numbers game isn't easy for me.

I do realise that it's going to be different now that I'm older. I'm in my 20's and I've been signal a few months now.

I don't know, I can drink a fair bit and still remember what I did. I tend to just try talking to people and just being sociable.
I don't really have a type. Intresting I suppose would be the best descriptive word I have. I'm not too picky about age if I like the person, but I suppose in their 20's too.

I tend to send some thing along the line of hi, and then ask a question about something they mention on their profile.
Usually something short to start off with, no one want an essay.

ash23

Hopelesswithwomen wrote: »

I'm either not noticing those signals or their not giving them off. I take the hint pretty quickly when they ignore me.

Yeah, to be honest it shouldn't have to come to them ignoring you. Maybe I phrased it wrong. They might not be giving off signals that they aren't interested, but are they giving any signals that they are?
It should be easy enough to tell if someone is flirting with you. Like, someone might be perfectly fine with having a chat with you but if they aren't interested they won't want to linger too long in case they give the wrong impression so they will turn to a new person when presented with an opportunity. So it's not that they would be giving off obvious "get away from me" vibes. But if they aren't twirling their hair, laughing at your jokes and touching your arm/leaning in to you, then they aren't interested.

I do know that not everyone will like me. I'm a shy person by nature so playimg the numbers game isn't easy for me.

I know but unfortunately that's the name of the game. If you are shy then perhaps meeting someone in a pub/club isn't for you and you should try alternatives like asking your friends to set you up or joining clubs etc.
That way you can talk about the common interest without the pressure of trying to "chat someone up".

I tend to send some thing along the line of hi, and then ask a question about something they mention on their profile.
Usually something short to start off with, no one want an essay.

That seems ok but like i said, I hated internet dating, found it shallow and lacking in the chemistry I personally needed.


Maybe it's just too soon for you to be dating if you're only out of a LTR a few months? Maybe you're giving off something that is driving people away.

I know when my last relationship ended I was very eager to get back into another one and men ran in the other direction
But once I settled into my single life and was happy and content in myself I think I must have become more approachable or something because I definitely found my options increased.

LegacyUser

I never really thought of it that way. Most of them seem intrested in what I'm saying and keep leaning towards me when I speak, untill someone else comes along that is.
In saying that, even the girls I've gone out with haven't been doing any of that with me.

Unfortuntly where I'm from there aren't too many clubs, and any that I'm or would be intrested in don't have many/any women in them. I might try clubs in the neighbouring town tho, it tends to be better for that kind of stuff.
I have found a common intrest with some of the women on online dating, but they just stop mid conversation.

Again I didn't think of it that way. I could be giving off the wrong vibe and not even know I'm doing it, but at the same time I feel ready to move on now. I didn't before.