Sister in law causing problems

LegacyUser

I am 27, currently 8 months pregnant with my 1st child. Husband and I had 2 names put aside in our minds depending on the sex of the baby. So found out last week we were having a son, he always had his bum to us in scans which is why it took so long to find out.. My Hubbys father died 3 years ago, so we asked his mothers permission, she was delighted so we would name our son after my Father in Law.

However my husband’s sister is hitting the roof because she claims she had “Dibs: on the name. She already has 2 boys and none of them were named after her deceased father and her youngest is 2. She called me 2 days after we decided on the name, screaming down the phone at me calling me “a selfish little twit” saying I had no right to name my son after her father.

This woman is 22 and has a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and has told everyone she is having no more kids. So why she is freaking out over the name I don’t know seen as she said she is not having any more children. She was pregnant when her father died- and she didn’t name that son after him so I really don’t see why she is bitching about this now.

My mother in law has now asked my husband if we would not name the baby after his father saying that “if Celia does decide to have more kids she wants the option of using the name” (note the word “Option”) I know my MIL is only saying that for a quiet life.

My husband is absolutely furious. We have been trying for a baby the last 5 years and me getting pregnant was a miracle as he has very low sperm count. This could very well be our only child and he wants to name him after his dad.

Just looking for some advice

tinkerbell

My advice - tell the sister to go Fk herself! She has no right. If she wanted to name one of her kids after her dad, she would've already. She's had two chances to do so. And to be quite frank about it, your sister in law is being a selfish b!tch. Her brother, your husband, should have every right to name his son after his dad if he so chooses.

My theory is that it is lovely you are naming him after your husband's dad and now she's pissed off that everyone will be telling you it's a lovely gesture, and she's raging now she didn't think of that sooner - she sounds like a total attention seeker.

So go ahead and name your son after your husband's dad and to hell with the sister in law.

LegacyUser

If I were in your situation OP, I wouldn't care. I would name the baby what you originally planned. Their behaviour is over the top and ridiculous. They should be honoured not angry!

Who cares if your SIL has another baby or not. She could have a girl for goodness sakes. If she ends up having another child she can use the same name if she wants there is nothing wrong with that. That is what nicknames are for. Or she can use an Irish or anglicised version of your former FIL's name.

I wouldn't cower into such demands. It is really none of their business what you name your son to be honest. And as you said she didn't name any of them after her own father.

bfocusd

It's you and your hubbys right to name your child what you want, she has no say what so ever, if the baby had of been born and named in the hospital, would she of kicked up then?? It's only cause she thinks she can change your mind.

Also, with my family, all the first born sons are named after the father, in the line 5 James's the youngest is 21, the eldest is obviously dead, but im not sure id it goes back further. That's my grandfathers side, on my grandmothers side, again the same with the sons, but there are 3 first born girls named after the great grandfather (a female version of his name), because we've so many similar names and the younger generation want to try keep the tradition, the names are being modified slightly, they're Irish conversions or a different pronunciation of the name

If it's really going to keep going on and cause lots of hassle, which is the last thing you need worry about heavily pregnant, then could you consider a derivative of the FILs name??

Ie he's Jonathan you call baby john or something like that..

Honestly though that would be my end of the world option, there's not a system as such in your other halfs family about naming after people, so I would just politely sit down with the father and the grandma and say, why has the sister got more rights than the son, you name your child after the father in law and let her figure out what she's doing, plus, your having a baby boy, even if she ddoes have more kids, they could be all girls.

username123

Why oh why is this even an issue. Just tell her to get lost and name your child as you please! There is nothing stopping her using the same name anyway. I cant believe people would even take a childs tantrum like that seriously!!!

Bear in mind OP that the sister in law was the father's daughter, and her acting irrationally may be a reaction to her feeling like you and your husband will be closer to the memory of her father than her after this. It's crazy, I know, but I saw something like that happen once in a friend's family. It might not be the "dibs" she cares about, but rather her place as being recognised as his nearest and dearest. So maybe be a little bit forgiving as she could genuinely feel hurt.

That said, you should name your child whatever you want. The sister will have to get over it eventually and while the mother has advised you go along with the sister, I'm sure she wouldn't actually revoke her blessing.

Have you ever met anyone with the same name as you? Most people have. Ever had a few friends with the same name? Most people have. There's no reason why the sister can't name her son the same name as your child if the she gets pregnant with a boy in the future. But the present is the most important thing, and you should name your child whatever you want. That's your right as a parent. The sister has the same right if she ever has another son so leave her to it.

Sulla Felix

I was named after my paternal grandfather. I have two cousins on that side of the family named the same. Sotheres no issue at all imo.

Meauldsegosha

I would tell your sister in law to cop on to herself. She is being a spoilt little bitch. If she wanted to name her children after her dad she could have done so already.

He's your child you name him whatever you want. You're 8 months pregnant you don't need hassle like this now. Tell her its normal for male names to be passed down the male side of the family and you are naming your son after his paternal grandfather.

Sinall

I come from a very large family and have a few cousins who have the same name - first name and surname! So there's nothing prohibiting your sister-in-law from choosing the name too in the eventuality that she has more children.

I think it's a lovely gesture to name the baby after your husband's father. It's a nice link to your son's family history and connecting him to the grandfather he didn't meet.

It must be very stressful for you OP, but try to keep calm and deal with your SIL the same way as you would a child - she's behaving like one.

ABajaninCork

true-or-false wrote: »

Bear in mind OP that the sister in law was the father's daughter, and her acting irrationally may be a reaction to her feeling like you and your husband will be closer to the memory of her father than her after this. It's crazy, I know, but I saw something like that happen once in a friend's family. It might not be the "dibs" she cares about, but rather her place as being recognised as his nearest and dearest. So maybe be a little bit forgiving as she could genuinely feel hurt.

Yes. But the OP was the father's son - right? The SiL will be no closer or further than the husband to the father's memory. IMO, BOTH are equal.

OP - Go ahead and name your son whatever YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND want to name him. Don't stress yourself out any more about it. I'm amazed your MiL even gave house room to the silly girl and indulged her. Why this attention seeker bothered to kick off now, I have no idea. If she really wanted to name her child after her father, she would have done so, as already pointed out. If she's that desperate for the name, then her next child can have it as a middle name. Job done!

Best of luck with your pregnancy and beyond.

Sleepy

Tell her to take a running jump OP.

There was a name myself and my other half liked for our daughter that was the same name as a friends' recently deceased mother which we discounted for that reason as I knew he and his fiancée would be married and trying for a child around the time ours was due out of respect for the fact it was his mother's name and just one I happened to like. Were it a friend of your sister in law's I could understand her being upset. It's not. It's her brother. She needs to be told she's not the centre of the universe and the first step in that is making her understand that she's not the most important person in the family.

looksee

This debate is a total non-starter. You are free to use the name if you wish, as can she. One doesn't exclude the other. She sounds like a spoiled brat and I wouldn't give her demands a thought.

Two of ours were named - as they thought - after members of my husband's family. The relations were charmed so we never told them that it was total coincidence, they just happened to be names we liked!

Call me Al

Your sil is very immature but I think you feel that way already yourself.
When she has another baby she can also use the name.
She is trying to manipulate you by involving your mother in.law in this, but you husband as much as a right to name his child after his father as she has. If she calls you again to hurl abuse (why anyone would even entertain listening to that is beyond me) politely redirect her to your husband and remind her that your decision is made.
I wouldn't take this nonsense from anyone tbh!

Toast4532

Your sister in law is acting like a diva, personally I would tel her that we are using that name whether she likes it or not and she will have to accept it as we won't be changing our minds just to suit her.

As others have said, if she has more kids she can still use the name, just because your husband and you use the name doesn't mean she can't.

Neither of you have exclusive rights to use the name so it makes no difference if one or both of you use the name.

Also, this part

nbafil wrote: »

“if Celia does decide to have more kids she wants the option of using the name” (note the word “Option”)

I would bet on it that if she had more kids she wouldn't use your FIL's name anyway, she would use a different name (that's if she had a boy).

If she has a problem it's her problem and no one else's so I would tell her to take a running jump.

LegacyUser

Like others here OP I would tell your SIL to fck off. There is nothing stopping her using the same name if she did have another boy. I've half a dozen cousins with the same name all called after their granddad. We've never had any issue even when all of them are in the same room together. If she was pregnant, due the same time as you and it was her first child as well then maybe it might be slightly confusing but even then I would prob tell her to fck off. Your father in law was as much your husbands father as he was the sister so if he wants to name his son after his dad then he should do that and tell the rest of his family to but out.

HellFireClub

nbafil wrote: »

I am 27, currently 8 months pregnant with my 1st child. Husband and I had 2 names put aside in our minds depending on the sex of the baby. So found out last week we were having a son, he always had his bum to us in scans which is why it took so long to find out.. My Hubbys father died 3 years ago, so we asked his mothers permission, she was delighted so we would name our son after my Father in Law.

However my husband’s sister is hitting the roof because she claims she had “Dibs: on the name. She already has 2 boys and none of them were named after her deceased father and her youngest is 2. She called me 2 days after we decided on the name, screaming down the phone at me calling me “a selfish little twit” saying I had no right to name my son after her father.

This woman is 22 and has a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and has told everyone she is having no more kids. So why she is freaking out over the name I don’t know seen as she said she is not having any more children. She was pregnant when her father died- and she didn’t name that son after him so I really don’t see why she is bitching about this now.

My mother in law has now asked my husband if we would not name the baby after his father saying that “if Celia does decide to have more kids she wants the option of using the name” (note the word “Option”) I know my MIL is only saying that for a quiet life.

My husband is absolutely furious. We have been trying for a baby the last 5 years and me getting pregnant was a miracle as he has very low sperm count. This could very well be our only child and he wants to name him after his dad.

Just looking for some advice

I wouldn't even give your sister-in-law the headspace, she is obviously stupid to the point where she can't even work out that you could both could call your respective sons after their Grandad, thereby two first cousins would have the same christian names, where is the problem with that?

If you are dealing with someone who is too thick to be able to work out that two children who happen to be first cousins, can actually be given the same first name without any crime or offence being caused to anyone, then why on earth would you give that person the headspace?

What you and your partner call your child is your business and nobody elses, and same for your sister-in-law and her respective partner. Someone who creates a problem like this within a family, in my opinion (and also more importantly, in my personal experience, because we had a similar type character in our own family), is either psychotic, or else suffering from some other disorder such as chronic alcoholism (both happened to be the case when we had this shíte going on in our family), etc.

AnonoBoy

If she raises it again with you tell her to take it up with her brother and not you.

She'll soon quiet down when she realises that her older brother won't listen to her nonsense.

Stick to your guns and name your child after your father-in-law.

LegacyUser

Hi all

thank you all for your messages.

A lot of people have been asking why am i entertaining this. Well the row over the name is hurting my husband deeply because he blames himself for his dads death and for a while some of his family did too.

Dont want to go into details but FIL asked hubby for a loan of car- Car was in an accident and FIL died, and for about a year a lot of his family (not his mother but his sister and uncles) blamed him for the death saying "Hed still be alive if you hadnt loaned him the car" etc

And one of the lines my sister text me (i dont know why she text me tbh) was "After what he did he has no rights to the name"

I know my MIL only wants a quiet life which is why she asked us to change the name, poor woman has to listen to her daughter bitch and bitch about this.

My hubby and i spoke and decided we to call our son the irish version of his Fathers name seen as it caused so much fuss.

Only she is still not happy, "its still his name and he killed our dad so he has no rights to it" was what she text me an hour ago

My husband actually crying in our bedroom as we speak- this whole things bringing up a lot of trauma for him and she doesnt even care what she is doing to him

ABajaninCork

OMG. You poor thing. And the guilt trip being laid on your poor hubby is unreal.

I've heard it said on Judge Judy(!) that anger is a much easier emotion to deal with than grief. Never a truer word was spoken in this case. How on earth is it your husband'd fault his father died? Your SiL is being spiteful and wicked texting your husband blaming him for the death. If you want to call your child the Irish version of the grandad's name, then that's great. You should stick to your guns. Do not allow this spiteful, wicked and selfish woman to spoil what should be a special time for you and your husband.

As a side note: Has your husband been for counselling to deal with his grief and (misplaced IMO) guilt? Might be a good idea.

ABajaninCork

I would also turn off your phone for now. Clearly, this is very stressful for you and your poor hubby, which in turn isn't good for the babba! If the spite and bile continues, you might need to change your number until after the birth, and things settle down a bit.

Would you be able to talk to your MiL (both you and hubby) and ask her to ask the SiL to wind her neck in?

Terri26

I'm sorry but this is really annoying me. How dare she treat you like this. You offered the compromise of using the Irish variant and she threw it back in your face. So you know what? Go back to teh original name. If she can't compromise why should you? Also the cheek of her texting blaming your husband. You are a better woman than me as I would have texted back well maybe you should have called your second son after fil name since you gave birth soon after he died. The absolute cheek of her. That would have been the perfect opportunity/memorial.
Do not back down now - you were willing to compromise and she threw it back in your face. Say nothing let her think she has won and just call your baby the name. Tough for her,
congrats on your baby boy and to be honest i would have little to do with a woman who would blame her brother for a death that had absolutely nothing to do with him

LegacyUser

There comes a time where family overstep the mark and need to be cut loose. For you SIL to blame your husband for the death of his father is an inhuman thing to do. My brother bullied me and my family after the death of one of our parents haven't spoke to him in 10 years and don't miss him at all.

Lollipops23

OP I felt I just had to post on this-

The way your husband is being treated is just despicable. As if it isn't hard enough to deal with your father dying in such horrible circumstances, to then be blamed for it just for doing his dad a favour??! that's just unforgivable in my book.

This name issue (which is a no-brainer imho, call your little boy whatever you like) is just symptomatic of a MUCH bigger problem-namely, the SIL is an evil, spiteful woman. If you guys can limit how much time you spend with her you'll be much better off.

On another note, his mother may still be dealing with her own grief, but she should not be standing idly by and allowing her son to be treated this way.

Good luck, you should be enjoying the last lap of pregnancy, not dealing with this shít.

Herrick

I know they would have been very upset but I have to say the way they blame him for his dads death is mindbogglingly stupid.

He loaned him a car to go somewhere and he had an accident. How is it his fault for God's sake? Unless maybe if the car had a fault and your husband knew about it, but you haven't mentioned that so I'm not assuming it.

I mean if they used that as a reason there's a hundred alternatives. "If Mary hadn't sent him down to the shops for milk he wouldn't have died" "If his wife hadn't asked him to collect the dry cleaning he wouldn't have died, its all her fault"

They sounds like fcuking scumbags to be honest :mad:

Call me Al

Op you seem to be dealing with someone who is harbouring resentment to your husband. The name you pick for your child has little or nothing to do with this. She doesn't care about using it herself.... She wants to blame someone for her dads death and your husband is the fall guy.

has she honestly been civil with you husband since their bereavement?
Either way, name your child what YOU BOTH want! It should have nothing to with anyone else. I wouldn't compromise on the Irish version either.

And switch off your phone - taking abuse like this isn't good for either of you. Make a decision and stick with it.

ABajaninCork

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Yes. But the OP was the father's son - right? The SiL will be no closer or further than the husband to the father's memory. IMO, BOTH are equal.

I wasn't suggesting that either of them is more close, I just thought the grieving and irrational mindset of the sister in law was worth bearing in mind. She's acting terribly and needs to be dealt with (even if dealing with it means completely ignoring her), but it's worth considering that as much as she is acting irrationally, her irrational behaviour may be a result of her grief.

However, the news that the sister in law actually blames her brother for the accident, in my opinion, leaves you free to be insensitive to her. She deserves no special treatment if she's willing to be so dismissive of her brother's grief as to say something that cruel. You don't owe her anything OP.

jimmycrackcorm

Your in-laws sound a particularly nasty bunch if they choose to blame your husband for the death through loaning his car. It's more reason for you to name your child after the father in law. Stand your ground and if they have a problem with it then ignore them.

ABajaninCork

true-or-false wrote: »

I wasn't suggesting that either of them is more close, I just thought the grieving and irrational mindset of the sister in law was worth bearing in mind. She's acting terribly and needs to be dealt with (even if dealing with it means completely ignoring her), but it's worth considering that as much as she is acting irrationally, her irrational behaviour may be a result of her grief.

However, the news that the sister in law actually blames her brother for the accident, in my opinion, leaves you free to be insensitive to her. She deserves no special treatment if she's willing to be so dismissive of her brother's grief as to say something that cruel. You don't owe her anything OP.

ABajaninCork wrote: »

OMG. You poor thing. And the guilt trip being laid on your poor hubby is unreal.

I've heard it said on Judge Judy(!) that anger is a much easier emotion to deal with than grief. Never a truer word was spoken in this case. How on earth is it your husband'd fault his father died? Your SiL is being spiteful and wicked texting your husband blaming him for the death.

As a side note: Has your husband been for counselling to deal with his grief and (misplaced IMO) guilt? Might be a good idea.

I agree. And I've said pretty much the same thing in bold. It is also interesting to note that this is all via text or second-hand via the MiL. I wonder if the OP's SiL's said anything to her brother's face?

Reason why I ask this, is because she sounds very immature as well as spiteful. I'm wondering if she's doing this for show in front of her friends/partner as a way of dealing with her grief. Far-fetched I know, but just wondering.

P. Breathnach

Your poor husband. To be blamed for the death of somebody you loved is a huge burden.

Try to get him to ignore his sister's antics; she is being simply unreasonable as well as extremely malevolent. Name your child in honour and in memory of his father. And you should both be proud to do so.

leeroybrown

Only families can treat each other this badly. If I were in your husband's position I'd name my child in his father's honour, tell my sister that she's ceased to exist as far as I'm concerned and treat the rest of my family similarly if they continued to act in a similar fashion.

She's just using the name as an excuse to burden your brother with guilt due to their father's death.

Sycopat

OP:

Fck your sister in law, sounds like she's a complete and utter fcking cow!

All this row over a name? Seriously? Listen OP, it's not an issue.

I have a first cousin with the same name as myself. Our dads are brothers so we also have the same surnames. It has never bothered either of us and we're actually quite close.

As to the family blaming your husband! They need to get a fcking grip. I can understand why your husband might blame himself, grief does funny things to peoples minds, but if it was an accident then it was an accident and anyone should be able to see that.

I'm not going to tell you what to do or what not to do, (I'm a stubborn fcker, I'd stick to my guns and tell myself it was their loss if the family decided to cut or loosen ties afterwards. This is not something other people seem to want to do.) but I will tell you this:

You are absolutely in the right here.

woodchuck

OP your sister in law sounds like an absolute WAGON!

Words actually fail me here. How you're both still speaking to her after her blaming your husband for his fathers death is beyond me (unless there's a lot more to the story, but it really doesn't sound like it).

If it was me I would have nothing to do with her. Block her number and be cool with her at best at any family gatherings.

As for the name? Stick with the name you planned on, don't compromise.

Sleepy

Ignore all contact from the sister in law and any time she's directly referred to in relation to this again tell the Mother in Law that as far a yourself and your husband are concerned he doesn't have a sister so her taking offence at your perfectly normal actions is of no interest to ye both.

LegacyUser

How were your husband and her getting on before this name stuff kicked off?
Has their relationship been this bad since their father died?

When I read the OP I thought perhaps she was lashing out because maybe she finds hearing her father's name upsetting or that it was bringing back reminders of how she was pregnant when her dad died and as she was quite young maybe that was traumatic.

However now I read the second post it seems this has nothing to do with the babys name and everything to do woth unresolved issues she has with her fathers death and her brothers "involvement" in it.

There's not a lot you can do about her issues there so it's up to you how you deal with it. You can give in and pacify her for the sake of a quiet life but really is this woman going to be a loving aunt to your child no matter what his name is? Or is she always gonna be causing trouble and putting poison in your MILs ear?

I would not to get in touch with her again and while I feel tremendously sorry for your mother in law having to be in the middle of it she needs to stand up for herself and not get involved. If the sister is burning her ear off complaining about you then she needs to deal with her.
You need to focus on your new baby and be as supportive to your husband as possible but do not engage with that sister again until she can deal with her issues like an adult.

forestfruits

Your sister in law is very young really- 22, she obviously just doesnt have the skills to deal with her own grief and is kicking up like a spoiled little girly that is used to getting her own way?


I think your best off to change your number until things settle down and quietly let your mother in law know your new number and reason for changing.

Back away from all conflict - nobody wins a row with a b1tchy little girl.

Sulla Felix

Tbh op, I'd be for cutting off communication on the issue ay this stage.
Be civil and polite, but if anyone brings it up make it clear that you're not discussing it further.

tinkerbell

OP your husband's family sound like horrible people - blaming your husband for his dad's death just because he loaned his dad his car is ridiculous!! It's insane. It's just not acceptable whatsoever, I would have cut them out of my life if I were your husband after they said that to him. You need to tell your tit of a sister in-law that you no longer wish to communicate with her as she's a selfish horrible rotten little b!tch and you will name your baby what you so choose and she can take a running jump.

Seanchai

nbafil wrote: »

I am 27, currently 8 months pregnant with my 1st child. Husband and I had 2 names put aside in our minds depending on the sex of the baby. So found out last week we were having a son, he always had his bum to us in scans which is why it took so long to find out.. My Hubbys father died 3 years ago, so we asked his mothers permission, she was delighted so we would name our son after my Father in Law.

However my husband’s sister is hitting the roof because she claims she had “Dibs: on the name. She already has 2 boys and none of them were named after her deceased father and her youngest is 2. She called me 2 days after we decided on the name, screaming down the phone at me calling me “a selfish little twit” saying I had no right to name my son after her father.

This woman is 22 and has a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and has told everyone she is having no more kids. So why she is freaking out over the name I don’t know seen as she said she is not having any more children. She was pregnant when her father died- and she didn’t name that son after him so I really don’t see why she is bitching about this now.

My mother in law has now asked my husband if we would not name the baby after his father saying that “if Celia does decide to have more kids she wants the option of using the name” (note the word “Option”) I know my MIL is only saying that for a quiet life.

My husband is absolutely furious. We have been trying for a baby the last 5 years and me getting pregnant was a miracle as he has very low sperm count. This could very well be our only child and he wants to name him after his dad.

Just looking for some advice

1) This individual sounds depressingly common, utterly stupid and more than a slight bit touched. Two children of her own already and she suddenly gets a love for her father's name. Stooopid.

2) I'd find out what other names she loves and add them on to the name of your father-in-law. I mean, this girl is obtuse on so many levels it's astonishing. Really astonishing. There are about 7 Paddys and 8 Marys in my (clearly creatively-challenged) family. I can say with absolute certainty there have never been threatening phonecalls, family feuds or duels over this. Just how utterly stupid is this bint? She should be on a record of the most incredibly stupid people in Ireland. She should not be allowed have chislers. Straight up.

3) I think it's odd you're asking anybody's permission for the name you're going to give your kid. If you want to call the chisler Oliver Margaret Thatcher Cromwell or Genghis Khan that's up to you.

4) If you don't name the child after your father-in-law now, Miss not-the-full-shilling has bullied you. Embrace that name, and enjoy El Poco Loco losing the plot some more. I'd give the kid the Irish and English versions of your father-in-law's name just to make it (your two fingers) comprehensive!

elbee

I'm actually shocked to my core reading this.

I would suggest that you and your husband change your phone numbers, cut off all contact with this horrible person and focus on creating a new, loving, happy family that doesn't have any vindictive or evil people in it.

Your poor husband - of course he was not responsible for his father's death but it is so natural that he would carry some irrational guilt. To have these people heap it on him is just awful and I hope he gets through it. If you have the resources, maybe some bereavement counselling would help him?

Your sister-in-law obviously has some issues because that is not a normal response.

And if your mother-in-law asks about it, and you don't want to give her chapter and verse on what her daughter said to her son, maybe have a little script like 'She has said some things that we incredibly hurtful to us, and with the baby on the way we were really concerned about the effect the stress was having on us.' If your MIL tries passing on messages (which she mgiht, because she sounds like kind of person who will want to 'keep the peace') say 'I'm afraid that discussing this is too stressful for me while I'm pregnant so I need you to not pass on anything hateful that she says. Thanks so much.'

Or tell her what her daughter said, if you want, but if you choose not to, having a little pre-prepared script ready can help.

Best wishes to your and your husband and the new baby OP, I hope everything goes wonderfully for you

Oryx

I dont think these people are horrible, I think they are lashing out somewhere -anywhere- for someone to blame for your father in laws death. When things happen for no reason we need to push our anger and confusion onto something. This girl is using this issue to bring the mans death back to the fore, so she can stoke her anger and let it out. Its grief gone wrong.

I can see no other reason for this. She blames your husband, and you cannot change how she feels. But you dont have to engage with it, nor do you have to accept her view. Just understand that it comes from a place of anger, and is unrealistic.

Name your child a name you can be happy with. Whether you want it to be your f-i-l's name now after all this I dont know, but thats your joint decision as parents. You could use it as a second name. But above all, do this for you both, and for your child. Noone else's opinion needs to come into it, and remember that the sisters reaction is not about the name, she will be angry with her brother regardless of what he does, until she herself learns to come to terms with her fathers death.

LegacyUser

hello everyone apoligies i have not gotten back to you sooner

Its been a hard few days, my husband is a wreak , hes taken time off work and been to the doctor who has referred him to a phycharist (sp?)

My SIL has spread around the whole family that she had been trying for a baby the same time as us (total bollocks) and that she had told us that she wanted the name and we had promised not to take it. As ive said this is all bull- we told no one we were trying.

Only one member of the family she has told doesnt believe her and thats her Aunt(on fathers side)

To the poster who asked - my hubby and his dad were close before his death, they would go out for the football every saturday without fail. When he died my husband had a kind of a breakdown(sure some of it was the accusations)

My hubby and his sister were a different story, she was always a daddys girl and was pretty jealous whenever my hubby and his dad had their Saturday time. She tagged along a few times but her dad told her not to come anymore because when they were trying to enjoy the match she just kept moaning she was bored. The last time she tried to tag along was 4 weeks before his death and she ended up throwing a drink into her fathers face when he once again told her she was no longer welcome.

im gone a bit off the subject there, but thats whats been happening, only thing that makes my hubby smaile these days is feeling our son kick, i wish i could pull him out of this

ABajaninCork

Hi OP! I was wondering how you were getting on...

Ignore the silly cow. As you say, sh'e talking canned bollox! IMO, all bets are off. Look after you and your hubby. God love him, he's gone through more than enough. It's a great that he's at last seeking help. Some counselling for you both would be good too to help you understand and get through this.

If I were you, I would cut all contact with the spoilt brat now until after the baby's born. Change your number. Name your son what you like. This kind of agg is the last thing you need.

I wish you both blessings and peace. Take care of yourselves!

Squiggler

All of this ^ but in your shoes I wouldn't feel obliged to give her the time of day after your baby has been born either.

Expecting a baby, even though a really happy thing, is stressful enough without any of the other stuff you and your OH are having to deal with right now.

Try not to worry about who believes what right now. At the end of the day people like your Sister-in-Law expose themselves for who they truly are and the truth will come out. They can only fool people for so long.

Take good care of each other and the baby.

My heart goes out to you both.

curlzy

I'm sorry op but what kind of scumb*g family are you after marrying into?

I mean you really wouldn't see this kinda thing on Jeramy Kyle or Shameless, the people on that are way more classy than what you describe. Your whole family of in-laws is now involved in blaming the FIL's death your husband, Jesus H. Christ, do they want another death in the family, due to suicide or a stress induced heart attack? Seriously OP, I just cannot get over this.

I can't believe the SIL's behaviour, I can't believe the entire family except for one Aunt is taken in by her, I can't believe the entire family is blaming the death on your hubbie because he loaned the FIL a car and I can't believe that your MIL is passing on aggressive messages to an 8 month pregnant daughter in law:mad::eek:. I mean my god. Shocked to my core doesn't even begin to describe how I feel reading your thread.

If I were you, I'd send out a text message to everyone in the family and say "Dear All, due to Hubbie being blamed for FIL's death we are cutting contact with you all, yes he loaned him a car but going by that logic it's your fault because you didn't bring him to the park the day he died, if you had he would be alive now. When you all grow up and realise how f*cking vicious and nasty you're all being to a grief stricken man and apologise for your scummy behaviour we will then considering allowing you in our lives, if you don't ever cop on, well your loss really".

Honestly OP, cut every one of them out, why would you want such scumbags in your life?

And before I hear cries of "you can't do that to family" or "easier said than done", I personnally have done this, there's one whole line of my family that none of the rest of the family talks to anymore because they're absolute scumbags, much like what's being described here. They tricked my grandparents out of money, they cause ructions at wedding about seating arrangements and caused more ructions at my grandmother's funeral even though they never once showed up the the hospice when she was dying, we (the rest of us) made sure she was never left alone.

Honestly OP, just because you're related to scum doesn't mean you have to see them.

Also, it sounds like youre husband needs serious councelling, they've done this to him so for Christ's sake's look after him. I know you're pregnant but if he believes the disgusting lies they've been saying then he's going to need at least one person that continuously tells him "it's not your fault, it was an accident".

Best of luck.

ABajaninCork

curlzy wrote: »

I'm sorry op but what kind of scumb*g family are you after marrying into?

I mean you really wouldn't see this kinda thing on Jeramy Kyle or Shameless, the people on that are way more classy than what you describe. Your whole family of in-laws is now involved in blaming the FIL's death your husband, Jesus H. Christ, do they want another death in the family, due to suicide or a stress induced heart attack? Seriously OP, I just cannot get over this.

I can't believe the SIL's behaviour, I can't believe the entire family except for one Aunt is taken in by her, I can't believe the entire family is blaming the death on your hubbie because he loaned the FIL a car and I can't believe that your MIL is passing on aggressive messages to an 8 month pregnant daughter in law:mad::eek:. I mean my god. Shocked to my core doesn't even begin to describe how I feel reading your thread.

If I were you, I'd send out a text message to everyone in the family and say "Dear All, due to Hubbie being blamed for FIL's death we are cutting contact with you all, yes he loaned him a car but going by that logic it's your fault because you didn't bring him to the park the day he died, if you had he would be alive now. When you all grow up and realise how f*cking vicious and nasty you're all being to a grief stricken man and apologise for your scummy behaviour we will then considering allowing you in our lives, if you don't ever cop on, well your loss really".

Honestly OP, cut every one of them out, why would you want such scumbags in your life?

And before I hear cries of "you can't do that to family" or "easier said than done", I personnally have done this, there's one whole line of my family that none of the rest of the family talks to anymore because they're absolute scumbags, much like what's being described here. They tricked my grandparents out of money, they cause ructions at wedding about seating arrangements and caused more ructions at my grandmother's funeral even though they never once showed up the the hospice when she was dying, we (the rest of us) made sure she was never left alone.

Honestly OP, just because you're related to scum doesn't mean you have to see them.

Also, it sounds like youre husband needs serious councelling, they've done this to him so for Christ's sake's look after him. I know you're pregnant but if he believes the disgusting lies they've been saying then he's going to need at least one person that continuously tells him "it's not your fault, it was an accident".

Best of luck.

TBH - I wouldn't even bother to text. There's enough aggro as it is. Just change your number, block any numbers belonging to your b*tch SiL and ignore the whole lot of them until (if ever!) you're ready.

Lollipops23

curlzy wrote: »

If I were you, I'd send out a text message to everyone in the family and say "Dear All, due to Hubbie being blamed for FIL's death we are cutting contact with you all, yes he loaned him a car but going by that logic it's your fault because you didn't bring him to the park the day he died, if you had he would be alive now. When you all grow up and realise how f*cking vicious and nasty you're all being to a grief stricken man and apologise for your scummy behaviour we will then considering allowing you in our lives, if you don't ever cop on, well your loss really".

I wouldn't bother. That's just feeding into the drama.

But I would certainly cut contact- if not for your and your husbands sanity, but for your new baby. You don't want him to be born into all this mess.

They genuinely sound like sucmbags, the kind that LOVE drama and strife. They're not civilized.

Be there for your husband, help him through this horrible time, but do not let his family near your baby.

leeroybrown

In my view no amount of grief justifies your sister in law's behaviour. Your husband should cut her out of his life on a long-term basis along with any family member who believes her lies. Name the child after this father and make sure any family member who has a problem with it never sees that child and knows why. They're not worth your breath let alone the word "family".

nbafil

nbafil wrote: »

Only one member of the family she has told doesnt believe her and thats her Aunt(on fathers side)

Maybe only one member of the family wants to stand up and get involved by saying it.
If I got a text like that, I'd presume the person was either a complete cabbage brained **** or gravely mentally ill.
Unless they are morans too, I'm sure they know what is it going on.

You said yourself, she has a history of begrudging happiness to your partner.
The only way you can deal with someone like that, is to chose to not be hurt by them.
Do your best to enjoy this time.
Hopefully the counselling will give him some perspective on the situation.

deisemum

I think this thread ranks as one of the most disgusting that I've read on here over the years the way your inlaws are treating your husband. They should all be ashamed of themselves and I don't know how your mother in law is condoning your sister in law's abusive behaviour. She should remember she's got a son as well.

I think blaming it on grief is bull, she was nasty before her Dad died. Your sister in law is a nasty evil bitch to her brother but then again when she's thrown a drink in her Dad's face because she didn't get her way just shows the sort of nasty individual she is.

I'd stick with calling your baby after your father in law and I'd cut those nasty people out of your lives.

Ellsbells

Your father in law (rip) deserves to be honoured and you are giving him the highest honour possible by calling your son after him. Do not let anyone take that from him!!!

Quality

This should be an important time for you and your husband preparing for the birth of your son. Try and put the family to the back of your mind. Concentrate on the important things and detach yourself from the negative.

The sister in law sounds jealous to me. And d behaviour of the family is childish and out of order.

But don't let them bring you down. Stay positive new baby, new life and good luck for you