Over reaction?

LegacyUser

Hello all, so opinions on this situation needed please

My girlfriend and I have been going out for around two years, we were out for a drink recently and chatting away and I told her that Id be going for a drink with a friend of mine who I haven't seen in eight years, the friend is a woman and will only be in town for a couple of hours so its my only chance to see her and catch up, upon hearing this my girlfriend looses the plot, goes mental giving out, says shes on the verge of crying over this

opinions please?

Demonical

I had an ex that was over possessive and a control freak, I couldnt meet ANY members of the opposite sex alone without a scene..they didnt last long..

Anyway, on a more positive note, why dont you invite your girlfriend to meet your friend aswell? You have been going out two years so it must be serious so im sure you wouldnt mind her meeting your friend? Maybe if you meet your friend first for an hour or so to let ye catch up in private first and then text your gf to tell her where ya are and come and join ye for the rest of the time?

A bit of explaining to the GF that you think she over-reacted might be needed but say it in a nice way, she is obviously a bit insecure for some reason. Invite her along so she knows there is nothing to be insecure about, the other person is just a friend. BUT you have to explain that you do need to be able to meet members of the opposite sex alone without her having a hissy fit. If you are serious about her you are going to have to do things to allay her insecurites but without making too many stupid compromises on your part. Ye are seperate people and should be able to lead seperate lives at times!

Piliger

Bi OP. This is not a good thing. This is a very bad thing. Truly. A hysterical, controlling and scarily jealous reaction.

I am curious as to how this kind of thing has not come up in two year though ? or has it ? has she reacted badly before ? have you avoided any possible situation to avoid it ? Or not.

LegacyUser

op here

shes always been insecure and has a fair few issues that she wont admit she has so theres no chance of dealing with them, shes gotten a little bit odd over things like this before but never this bad

I said it to my friend that I would bring my gf along aswell but she said because shes only here for a couple of hours she want to catch up, not to meet someone new, I understand that we couldnt have a proper conversation with each other if someone new was there as it would be rude to leave her out of a conversation, meeting for an hour first wouldnt work because of the time and distances

thanks for the replies

blatantrereg

I've been with a couple of people like this. I know from experience just how much of a red flag this should be. If she persists with it and refuses to acknowledge that her problem is her own insecurity then you really ought to consider if you want to be in a relationship like that.

AnonoBoy

This woman isn't an ex-girlfriend?

Even if she was that sort of reaction would be a bit much.

But reacting like that because you're meeting an old friend who happens to be a woman is way too much.

Key point for me would be that you were out having a drink at the time. How much had ye to drink? I ask because I know some people (men and women) who get completely unreasonable and overly-emotional at a certain time of night after a few too many. The next day they're apologetic and embarrassed but it still doesn't make dealing with them at the time any easier.

Have you talked about it since while sober?

P. Breathnach

On the facts you give, her reaction sounds excessive.

Might there be more to things than you have thought to tell us? For example, was this woman a girlfriend at any point? Or does your current girlfriend think she might have been? Or did this happen in the context of some awkward moment between yourself and your girlfriend? Or, noting this happened when you were having a drink, might it her reaction have been due to alcohol?

If you can answer "no" to such questions, then your girlfriend has a problem, and that means that you also have a problem.

Piliger

confused by reaction wrote: »

op here

shes always been insecure and has a fair few issues that she wont admit she has so theres no chance of dealing with them, shes gotten a little bit odd over things like this before but never this bad

I said it to my friend that I would bring my gf along aswell but she said because shes only here for a couple of hours she want to catch up, not to meet someone new, I understand that we couldnt have a proper conversation with each other if someone new was there as it would be rude to leave her out of a conversation, meeting for an hour first wouldnt work because of the time and distances

thanks for the replies

OP - don't get distracted by analysing the details of the meetup with this friend. That is not the issue.

The issue is a majorly hysterical girl friend who has a major major personal problem with you meeting other women The mind boggles how life will be with her in the future.

From what you say this is nothing new - so now the ball is in your court OP. Is THIS the kind of relationship you want ? for the next five, ten, thirty years ?

Because the longer it goes on the worse it will get and the harder it will be for you to escape.

I rarely directly suggest a split - but in this case I really believe you need to question the reasons for staying...

All the best.