Work crush?

LegacyUser

Ok it's driving me crazy trying to get my head around this. A week ago I kissed a friend of mine from work. When I say friend I do mean that as we tend to socialise a bit away from the typical work nights out and we would have been in quite a bit of contact in the last 6 months or so. We drunkenly kissed around xmas but I completely wrote it off as just that and so had he I thought. We both were dating other people and would discuss it. All was fine

Until the last while - things maybe got a bit close and we ended up very drunkenly messing about last week.

Now I'm all over the place. I don't want to lose the friendship. We genuinely get on well and I enjoyed hearing about his conquests and having a joke about them, now I feel weird about sending a text at some point asking him to hang out, go for coffee and so on. I obviously don't want him to think I'm chasing him, to be honest I don't know if that's what I'd be doing even myself because I'm so confused. And believe me this fella is the very last person you should go chasing after, you'd never tie him down! We're both in our early twenties as well and I think both contemplating going away next year. Not necessarily together and it's very much a maybe at the moment.

Any thoughts or advice on how to handle this one? Even as in do I make the first move and arrange a meet up to just get the awkward one out of the way?

saa

My first reactions is to keep cool and see if he makes any moves or distance yourself, I dunno it just sounds like you like him and want to date him and trust me it is torture being friends with a guy who you like and he is not into you in that way if that is the case if he is just go with the flow, have fun and dont expect much because of both your circumstances. Just beware of the pitfall of continuing to be a friend to someone you have feelings for and have crossed that line with you may be living in hope that is may just happen yet, and who knows it sounds like bad timing, he doesnt seem interested in dating, you're both about to go traveling so to accept this as a casual bit of excitement and anything else is a bonus is the safest option.

Yeah I'd agree not texting him if you're going to see him in the next week or so, I know it sounds old fashioned but if he doesnt text you wanting to go out will a text suddenly change his mind, and that is nothing to do with you he just seems to not be looking for a relationship(?).

Now, moving forward if he texts you to do something don't take it as a date unless stated he maybe thinking feck, lovely girl but I dont want to give her false hope of a relationship.

Apart from the er sorry negativity there the only thing you can do is see if anything develops I dont think you have to have any conversation or prompt him into doing anything or even sort things out. Maybe if he makes the moves again you should be able to ask where you stand as you usually don't go around kissing your friends.

Mighty_Mouse

You clearly have feelings for this guy.
You need to know whether he feels likewise.
If he's a man whore, then's there is a fair chance it was just a kiss.
No biggy, few drinks had, let's move on. Many long-term male/female friendships go through a will they/won't they scenario at some stage.
How did the kiss happen? Did you throw yourself at him or manipulate a situation to get your hands on him? Or did he chase you?

LegacyUser

I do like him though sure I just can't make out if it's romantic feelings I have or it's just a friendship thing and I was drunk/horny and not thinking clearly. I think what happened on the night was that I went home because I was blotto and then he followed after ringing me a few times and texting me to find out where I was. So it was 100% him doing the chasing - although I'm not sure what kind of hinting I was doing to generate that much of a reaction from him in the first place.

From my first post though it seems as if you guys have deduced from it that I want to date him. Maybe I do. I don't think so though. As I said before it's not the first time we scored and after that time I had no doubts whatsoever. I didn't fancy him like that and it was a mistake.

Sorry - I know I'm spiralling a bit, I just don't know what I'm feeling! Like for example I want to be able to text him at the weekend saying 'what are you upto? We're going to x if you want to come' like I would normally do but now I'm confused as to whether it's because I want to hang out with him or because I want something to happen

God I sound like an idiot

He is absolutely a man whore, always has been and I'm fully aware of it too. He's very open about the way he carries on.

Like from a guys perspective - on the receiving end of a friendly text say next week - would you be afraid I was after something more or just not read much into it?

saa

You're not an idiot! You don't know whether he likes you or not but either way if he is not going to settle into a relationship with anyone then thats probably the way it will play out, does he think he is getting into a friends with benefits situation with you? I would defo the next time he is coming onto you don't give in and see if he moves on as he can get "it" from any girl he wants it sounds like or will he make an effort to win you over because he wants you, there saved any awkward convos and you can carry on like friends, let him do the chasing if he pleases if not ah well its another crush we all have to deal with those ones.