Am I being horrible to ex?

purplepapillon

I broke up with my ex a few weeks back. He was away at the start of this year and had left a good bit of stuff in mine as he was also moving flat. I'm talking a rucksack and about 5-6 Dunnes shopping bags (the black ones). I'm back at my parents house and have quite a small room. I want to clear out stuff to prepare for going back to college, and basically have some physical and mental space away from him.

Now things are finished, I thought we could be friends, but I'm thinking now that I want him out of my life.

Basically, I want his stuff gone, and asked him to collect it this week. He said when we broke up that he would get it soon. He keeps fobbing me off, saying he's busy etc., although he doesn't work. I have the house to myself this week, so I thought that would be best, when nobody else would be around and therefore no fights, questions and so on.

I have said that Friday morning is his last chance to take his stuff. He doesn't like mornings, he says and why not Friday afternoon? I have plans for lunch with a few friends on Friday afternoon. Why can't I cancel those plans, he says. I want to rip my hair out, this is so frustrating!

He's being so difficult, and so mean in messages, I actually feel like throwing it all in the bin. I would hate for someone to do this to me. I know it's not nice, but I don't want all his crap around me anymore. What should I do??

charlietheminxx

It sounds like he's just being deliberately awkward.

I'd head off the problem. Pack up his stuff, drop it to his this evening.

Sorted, done and gone, and you won't look like the baddy

AnonoBoy

Agree with the above.

Pack up his stuff and let him know what evening you'll be dropping it to his house. If he's not there just leave it with whoever is home, or leave it around the back outside the door.

You've given him enough chances, time to just get rid of it.

Miaireland

If you can pack it up and leave it at his house. If not text him with a time slot that he can pick it up or that he can send someone to pick it up for him, a taxi etc. Tell him that after this time scale that the items will be disposed of.

Oh and tough on him if he does not like mornings.

purplepapillon

I'd love to do that. Problem is he has moved house in the last week. I don't know where he is and he won't tell me. I don't have a car to drop it there anyway. He just messaged me asking me to put it in a taxi and send it to him. I think he is off his head on something. That's just crazy.

Also, that I should pay for the taxi as it's "my problem"

charlietheminxx

So drop it to his parent's house? He's being a child, and threatening people who behave like that seldom works. It's worth the taxi fare to be done with the whole situation.

AnonoBoy

purplepapillon wrote: »

I'd love to do that. Problem is he has moved house in the last week. I don't know where he is and he won't tell me. I don't have a car to drop it there anyway. He just messaged me asking me to put it in a taxi and send it to him. I think he is off his head on something. That's just crazy.

Also, that I should pay for the taxi as it's "my problem"

If that's his attitude then I would tell him to come pick it up on Friday morning as you asked or else you're dumping it.

How would you send it to him in a taxi if you don't know where he lives?

Miaireland

Off the topic but it sounds like youare better off without him.

Text him back and say that his property is his problem, that it must be collected between 10am-12am Friday 27th July 2012 at his expense,otherwise you will dispose of it. Also say that you are no longer willing to engage in anymore communication regarding the items and that you have kept a record if all text, communications regarding them.

Ideally have a friend in the house when he collects the items.

purplepapillon

AnonoBoy wrote: »

How would you send it to him in a taxi if you don't know where he lives?

I have no idea what he was on about to be honest.

Miaireland wrote: »

Off the topic but it sounds like youare better off without him.

Just starting to realise that in the last week or so. Thanks

Miaireland wrote: »

Text him back and say that his property is his problem, that it must be collected between 10am-12am Friday 27th July 2012 at his expense,otherwise you will dispose of it. Also say that you are no longer willing to engage in anymore communication regarding the items and that you have kept a record if all text, communications regarding them.

Ideally have a friend in the house when he collects the items.

Thanks, I think this is the best course of action, as recommended by a number of others also.

I thought maybe I was overreacting a bit and needed some perspective. Thanks everyone for your help

Bambii_

Text him and tell him if he doesn't collect it by Friday morning you will leave it in the front garden for him to collect in the afternoon, and if it's not gone by then you'll dump it.

Oryx

I bet if you did change your plans for Friday, he wouldnt turn up.

As mentioned. Give him a time, after which it goes to a charity shop or out with the bins. You are finished with this guy and you dont owe him any niceties at this stage. He had his chance.

dannyc31

ok he is doing 2 things here.

1. he is being deliberately awkward here as to get a reaction out of you, and its working.

and secondly he is using this to have something to keep you in his life in some form or another. he knows as soon as you get rid of all his stuff you can cut him out of your life. i'd say its a bit of a pride thing for him to feel he has at least some sort of power/hold over you.

i'm not sure who called the relationship but if it was you then this is definitley the case.

no you're not being horrible give him an ultimatum, collect your stuff by this day or they are going into the bin. end of.