Miss him so much

SineadMarie

Hi,

Im back looking for some more great advice your probably sick of me at this stage haha!

I'm finding it really hard to move on from my current break up, we've been in touch since ending it and we basically have been going around in circles we met up and it all came to a head Saturday. Now we've cut contact and decided to maybe be friends one day we just need some space.

I've done everything i can to get him out of my head but im just missing him so much. I live with his sister too so its a constant reminder of him there. I'm just not coping well i dont think.

@rti-shm@rti

Sorry you're still having such a hard time with this, I remember you from previous posts about your last boyf too.

You know what you need to do - cut contact, don't get onto him and move out from living with his sister. There is no way that you can properly move on while still having his sister as your roommate!!

I know you probably have a million reasons for me as to why you can't move out right now but the fact of the matter is clinging to this one last connection is not going to help and I would seriously doubt that there would be a reconciliation just because of the fact that you are his sisters roommate.

I don't think you gave yourself enough time at all to get over your previous relationship and the best advice I could give you at the moment is just be single and get a bit of confidence at being on your own.

IMO I think you replaced one break up with another. Sorry, I really don't mean to sound harsh - I just think sometimes you need to be a bit forceful in these situations and you need to give yourself time to get over both.

Being single might seem daunting but I think everyone needs a good stint as an adult being on their own

SineadMarie

I don't want to move out and i love living with her shes not only my room-mate but a best friend, shes the image of him though and shes even said she think i cant even look at her, i really didn't want this to come between us.

I defo moved on from my last break up too soon and i think both breakups together are now hitting me hard now.

I was over with him Sat and he upset me so much, saying that he was going to propose to me and i messed it all up, he then threw his phone at me to check it let me see what hes up to, i told him i didnt care and that he was an @sshole for treating me like some sort of liar and cheater. I got up to leave and he punched the wall saying i was lucky it wasnt my head! I'm so upset over it all. I'm a good person and i dont understand why he'd think i'm this kinda person he thinks i am

Colonel Panic

That sort of threatening behaviour isn't on! Next time you feel bad about the breakup, think of him punching the wall and saying those things. No one deserves that.

SineadMarie

I know he really scared me, he cant handle his drink and is a different person when he is drunk. Everyone saying i got a lucky escape and one of my male friends is going crazy to get him for what hes done. Won't solve anything told him to leave it. After everything hes still on my mind what wrong with me??

tricialou

SineadMarie wrote: »

I don't want to move out and i love living with her shes not only my room-mate but a best friend, shes the image of him though and shes even said she think i cant even look at her, i really didn't want this to come between us.

I defo moved on from my last break up too soon and i think both breakups together are now hitting me hard now.

I was over with him Sat and he upset me so much, saying that he was going to propose to me and i messed it all up, he then threw his phone at me to check it let me see what hes up to, i told him i didnt care and that he was an @sshole for treating me like some sort of liar and cheater. I got up to leave and he punched the wall saying i was lucky it wasnt my head! I'm so upset over it all. I'm a good person and i dont understand why he'd think i'm this kinda person he thinks i am

Ok so i did nt see your second post at first. After reading this there is no question he is an ASSH***! No decent guy would say I was gonna propose to you but you messed it up. He is playing mind games and trying to make you feel bad and manipulate you into thinking its your fault and its worked for him. now your questioning if your that kind of person. That s what he want and hes got it. He does nt have to feel bad for being such a ___ when your going around beating yourself up for him! Oh theres plenty of him out there. And showing you his phone is another classic! this guys a piece of work!. So you carry on beating yourself up thinking we would of being happy if i had nt dont this or that while he gets away with blaming you. He does nt have to make you feel bad anymore you are doing that for him!.. Cut all contact with him for good! Would you be friends with someone that said "I was gonna throw a birthday party for you but your not that nice"? Who needs friends that are going to make you feel bad? What a nice guy to make a hole in the wall and say your lucky it s not your head?

SineadMarie

He really has made me feel like sh*t about myself and i just feel like he might aswell have put my head through that wall. I know time will heal but right now i'm at rock bottom. Why on earth he had to tell me all that stuff its just hurt me more

stargazer 68

SineadMarie wrote: »

Why on earth he had to tell me all that stuff its just hurt me more

That's why he did it OP! Stop going around to him or letting him come around to you and stop all communication. It will get easier - give it time. If his sister really is your friend she will do all she can to help you.

SineadMarie

Dovies wrote: »

That's why he did it OP! Stop going around to him or letting him come around to you and stop all communication. It will get easier - give it time. If his sister really is your friend she will do all she can to help you.

Oh i've learnt my lesson after that we've cut all contact now

Mighty_Mouse

could you post the previous thread so we can see the background?

It's been 5months and it seems you have made little progress.
It's probably directly due to the effort and work you have made to "move on".

Try and seperate the what you feel for the person from the quality of the relationship.

I'm assuming you really care for the person.
But even so, why would you choose to be in a horrible relationship with them?

SineadMarie

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

could you post the previous thread so we can see the background?

It's been 5months and it seems you have made little progress.
It's probably directly due to the effort and work you have made to "move on".

Try and seperate the what you feel for the person from the quality of the relationship.

I'm assuming you really care for the person.
But even so, why would you choose to be in a horrible relationship with them?

Hi MM

Thanks for the reply this is actually a different break up to the one in Jan i'll try find my last thread and copy it to this

SineadMarie

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056685409

AnonoBoy

Is it the same guy or a guy you've only been with for 5 months?

SineadMarie

Last break up was in January got together with a new guy in March and it all went pear shaped a few weeks ago. I know people mightn't think we were together long enough for me to be upset but we jumped in really fast saw each other practically every day i had very strong feelings for him

AnonoBoy

SineadMarie wrote: »

Last break up was in January got together with a new guy in March and it all went pear shaped a few weeks ago. I know people mightn't think we were together long enough for me to be upset but we jumped in really fast saw each other practically every day i had very strong feelings for him

Fair enough. Cutting contact with him is definitely the way forward.

While your feelings for him may be quite strong I would imagine that not having been with him for long will benefit you in that you will probably get over him faster than if he had become a permanent part of your life (i.e. living together or that).

Best of luck.

SineadMarie

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Fair enough. Cutting contact with him is definitely the way forward.

While your feelings for him may be quite strong I would imagine that not having been with him for long will benefit you in that you will probably get over him faster than if he had become a permanent part of your life (i.e. living together or that).

Best of luck.

I know i keep telling myself that, the one in Jan was tough and i got through it. I'm not going to contact him again thats it im done now.

ibarelycare

OP you seem to be a glutton for punishment. In your last thread after so much advice from people, you said you were going to walk away from this guy, yet you've still been in touch with him, even though he treats you like absolute crap. I know it can be difficult letting go of someone but you're just torturing yourself. You need to walk away, and to try and build up some self-confidence and learn to love yourself. You've got all this advice before though, and it doesn't seem to sink in.

SineadMarie

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP you seem to be a glutton for punishment. In your last thread after so much advice from people, you said you were going to walk away from this guy, yet you've still been in touch with him, even though he treats you like absolute crap. I know it can be difficult letting go of someone but you're just torturing yourself. You need to walk away, and to try and build up some self-confidence and learn to love yourself. You've got all this advice before though, and it doesn't seem to sink in.

I know your right and if i could give myself a kick up the ass i would i've no one to blame but myself. I just cant shake this anxious feeling i have when it comes to letting go.

ibarelycare

SineadMarie wrote: »

I know your right and if i could give myself a kick up the ass i would i've no one to blame but myself. I just cant shake this anxious feeling i have when it comes to letting go.

Have you considered seeing a counsellor about it? It's obviously been a really tough year for you with two difficult break-ups and you're probably not over the first one fully, and that's affecting you overall.

Also, have you tried to actually do anything to take your mind off it? I know it's such a cliche to say but can you join some clubs, take up some new hobbies, new sports, etc.? You need an injection of positivity, and trying new things and meeting new people will surely help!

SineadMarie

ibarelycare wrote: »

Have you considered seeing a counsellor about it? It's obviously been a really tough year for you with two difficult break-ups and you're probably not over the first one fully, and that's affecting you overall.

Also, have you tried to actually do anything to take your mind off it? I know it's such a cliche to say but can you join some clubs, take up some new hobbies, new sports, etc.? You need an injection of positivity, and trying new things and meeting new people will surely help!

I think so it helps to talk about it but i wish i could just forget him!

Trying everything went out last weekend both night had a great night then he rings me and all this explodes. I go on walks every evening they help. I've loads of friends around me and i'm planning loads this weekend i know it'll take time but i just hate that i'm feeling like this again.

tricialou

ibarelycare wrote: »

OP you seem to be a glutton for punishment. In your last thread after so much advice from people, you said you were going to walk away from this guy, yet you've still been in touch with him, even though he treats you like absolute crap. I know it can be difficult letting go of someone but you're just torturing yourself. You need to walk away, and to try and build up some self-confidence and learn to love yourself. You've got all this advice before though, and it doesn't seem to sink in.

People (especially women) always hope that something will change and men like him blame the women so while she thinks its her fault she think s she has control to change it!Its a vicous circle. true it takes some self confidence to say this is not right and and I dont deserve to be treated like this! Usually it s not until something bad happens that the woman realises that it cant go anymore and some people need to take time to discover why they let people treat them like that while other people woudnt stand for it for one minute . Your right it is all down to self confidence and its usually women that dont have enough of it! This guy is bad news but while hes convincing her it s her fault she cant see that!!

ibarelycare

SineadMarie wrote: »

I think so it helps to talk about it but i wish i could just forget him!

Trying everything went out last weekend both night had a great night then he rings me and all this explodes. I go on walks every evening they help. I've loads of friends around me and i'm planning loads this weekend i know it'll take time but i just hate that i'm feeling like this again.

Well I'd definitely give the counsellor some serious consideration.

Depending on your phone/provider, you can get his number blocked very easily. You should look into this ASAP. Even if he does ring you, you shouldn't be answering. You're not giving yourself a chance to move on by letting him contact you.

You don't seem to be doing too badly, I think the most important thing is to stop all contact with him, and second most important is to keep yourself busy.

SineadMarie

ibarelycare wrote: »

Well I'd definitely give the counsellor some serious consideration.

Depending on your phone/provider, you can get his number blocked very easily. You should look into this ASAP. Even if he does ring you, you shouldn't be answering. You're not giving yourself a chance to move on by letting him contact you.

You don't seem to be doing too badly, I think the most important thing is to stop all contact with him, and second most important is to keep yourself busy.

Yea i didnt think of that i'll call my phone provider.

I just feel mad empty inside but i know its still early days i just want it to pass now

@rti-shm@rti

I still think you should move out. Sorry I know you don't want it to come between the relationship you have with her as you are close, but if she's a best friend she would surely understand.

For example you can't really tell her she can't have her brother over to visit so you'll have to start avoiding the place when you know he's there. That in itself will cause aggro and drama.

Were you friends before you started going out with him?

Plus look he sounds very immature and he doesn't appear to be dealing with it well at all, talking about engagement after such a short space of time, especially after you have broken up is mad. I know it's very hard, try not to be beating yourself up.

SineadMarie

@rti-shm@rti wrote: »

I still think you should move out. Sorry I know you don't want it to come between the relationship you have with her as you are close, but if she's a best friend she would surely understand.

For example you can't really tell her she can't have her brother over to visit so you'll have to start avoiding the place when you know he's there. That in itself will cause aggro and drama.

Were you friends before you started going out with him?

Plus look he sounds very immature and he doesn't appear to be dealing with it well at all, talking about engagement after such a short space of time, especially after you have broken up is mad. I know it's very hard, try not to be beating yourself up.

Shes living there since September and i think he was over once, he was warned by his sister to stay away as he heard she moved in with me and went stalking me on FB, he was always asking about me and he was told to forget it as i had a bf at the time anyway. It was my housemate his sister that set us up when i broke up with my previous bf. She gave it about 6 weeks before mentioning it to me, i said no but that my bday was coming up and maybe ask him to come along so we can get to know one another. Anyway along came my birthday and he dived on me and finally got my number. I dont know why i'm saying all this but just trying to explain how it was at the start. Didnt feel right at the start and was going to just forget it but he grew on me and i let him in, now i cant get him off me lol. I guess maybe deep down he wanted what he couldnt have at first. I dont know, he told me he loved me and went on constantly to his sister that he was going to marry me. Remember the night she told me what he said i felt excited but i knew we had a load to go through first and its not that he was going to ask me tomorrow this was before he went oversea next year. How can a man go from that to this doesnt make sense at all.

dellas1979

Most break ups dont make sense because there is always one person feeling **** or confused about it all.

He is abusive when he is drunk. He is possessive. He doesnt trust you. He is making you feel awful about yourself, making you feel like you've done something wrong. That is classic of someone who is abusive. They will break you down and you will become sub-serviant to them. They are the whole sun, moon and stars because they are all youll be left with.

Sounds like he'd started all the above. And you are lucky, very lucky to get out, now.

Sinead, take time for yourself and stay single for a while, and figure out that it is ok to be on your own, than with someone like the above.

On the plus side, youve now experienced some crappy crappy things with guys over the last few months, and youll be able to spot things or be aware of things sooner. Unfortunately we have to go through these things to learn life lessons.

SineadMarie

dellas1979 wrote: »

Most break ups dont make sense because there is always one person feeling **** or confused about it all.

He is abusive when he is drunk. He is possessive. He doesnt trust you. He is making you feel awful about yourself, making you feel like you've done something wrong. That is classic of someone who is abusive. They will break you down and you will become sub-serviant to them. They are the whole sun, moon and stars because they are all youll be left with.

Sounds like he'd started all the above. And you are lucky, very lucky to get out, now.

Sinead, take time for yourself and stay single for a while, and figure out that it is ok to be on your own, than with someone like the above.

On the plus side, youve now experienced some crappy crappy things with guys over the last few months, and youll be able to spot things or be aware of things sooner. Unfortunately we have to go through these things to learn life lessons.

Very true this helps a lot thanks

Ickle Magoo

You've posted multiple times about this OP - I think you need to take the advice you have been given already numerous times.

Re-hashing the wounds by repetitively posting on this issue isn't going to be helping you move on either. You need to keep busy, give yourself time and space to process the break up - even if that means getting a new place. If you can't see why you are a much better off without a partner who has trust issues and gets abusive when drunk then I think your next step is seeing a counsellor who might help you get things into perspective.

All the best.