au pair: advice needed please

doubletrouble?

we've checked around for childminders but they are way our of our league when it comes to price. it looks like we'll be going with an au pair but know nothing about it. the only reasonable site i came across was this
http://kangarooaupair.com/.
does anyone have advice on where to look , go from or recommend any sites. basically any advice in general thanks. the only other info i can give is it looks like it will be a live in one.
D.T.

Moonbeam

There are different types of au pair.
How many hours a week would you need them?
Normally an au pair has to live with you as they are a student coming to learn a new language and culture ,you give them pocket money and they do about 20 -30 hours baby sitting a week.

January

As Moonbeam said you give the a room to stay in and you provide food. Then you give them pocket money (varies a lot but Dublin prices seem to be about 100-140 per week) for 20-30 hours child minding.

A lot of these girls are young and it's their first time away from home.

I'll PM you a link now to have a look at.

mkhall

I was an au pair for four years in Dublin and found my families on gumtree or rollercoaster.ie. You can either advertise or choose from others advertising as au pairs. ive heard of kangaroo but I believe they charge an agency fee. Good luck!

mamakitten

An au pair is not meant to be a childminder in that they are usually limited in the amount of hours they can work. If you need Mon-Fri 8am-6pm type childcare then an au pair probably isnt for you. They basically live as part of the family, usually attending language classes and receiving pocket money for a set number of baby sitting hours.

inigo

Our first aupair should be arriving next week. We used google extensively for info, we wrote down what we needed and a list of questions to use in our skype interviews. We spoke to about 10 girls. After much debate we ranked them in order of preference: the first one chickened out :rolleyes:, our second choice is coming next week (we hope!). Read like that it looks like we were organised but nothing farther for the truth!! It took us weeks! We'll be paying her less than 100 euro a week because we just need help with the children (they'll be going to the chreche part-time) and chores, plus an odd night of baby-sitting. One of the girls had aupaired in England last year for £55 a week minding the children for about 10 hours a day, 7 days a week!!!! :eek: Bloody exploitation I call that! The strange thing is that the girl seemed to have been ok with it...

Oh, and we found the girls and a lot of useful info through aupairworld.net

mkhall

inigo wrote: »

Our first aupair should be arriving next week. We used google extensively for info, we wrote down what we needed and a list of questions to use in our skype interviews. We spoke to about 10 girls. After much debate we ranked them in order of preference: the first one chickened out :rolleyes:, our second choice is coming next week (we hope!). Read like that it looks like we were organised but nothing farther for the truth!! It took us weeks! We'll be paying her less than 100 euro a week because we just need help with the children (they'll be going to the chreche part-time) and chores, plus an odd night of baby-sitting. One of the girls had aupaired in England last year for £55 a week minding the children for about 10 hours a day, 7 days a week!!!! :eek: Bloody exploitation I call that! The strange thing is that the girl seemed to have been ok with it...

Oh, and we found the girls and a lot of useful info through aupairworld.net

Thats awful, 55 a week! I am hearing more and more of these stories these days. I was an au pair for three years for several families and while most were great, I was exploited by one. I was paid a fair wage but working over 40 hours a week and sometimes sole charge for entire weekends. I think some people employ au pairs in full time nanny roles on an au pair wage. I dont know whether they simply dont realise or are just trying to save money. Either way, its a terrible way to feel. I wish there was an organisation/ agency you could report these types of people to. Good luck on your new au pair inigo. If this one chickens out, try advertising on rollercoaster.ie, you'll get responses from girls already living in Ireland with Irish references.

doubletrouble?

inigo wrote: »

Our first aupair should be arriving next week. We used google extensively for info, we wrote down what we needed and a list of questions to use in our skype interviews. We spoke to about 10 girls. After much debate we ranked them in order of preference: the first one chickened out :rolleyes:, our second choice is coming next week (we hope!). Read like that it looks like we were organised but nothing farther for the truth!! It took us weeks! We'll be paying her less than 100 euro a week because we just need help with the children (they'll be going to the chreche part-time) and chores, plus an odd night of baby-sitting.

Oh, and we found the girls and a lot of useful info through aupairworld.net

great news inigo.i suppose we were more lucky. our au pair started last week, in fact she'll be two weeks with us already tomorrow (sun). we are currently giving her a few weeks to settle in and iron out and teething problems before we both go back to work.we also found her through the site you mentioned. we didn't do many interviews as she was already studying here and had a great reference which i thoroughly checked out. the au pair thing is another real eye opener for both au pairs and families. there are really horrible stories from both sides but also many more great ones. i'd rather not say what shes being paid but is really happy ,as well as other perks that will be thrown in ,going by other stories shes told us she sees herself as part of our family and she doesn't see it as a job at all which is really good.
as for aupairworld.net , i found it a really great site probably the best even if there is a small fee to be able to contact others. i suppose the only downside was alot of au pairs didn't read our profile properly but our own au pair cleared that up fairly rapidly. lets just say the ratio of au pairs to familes is about 4:1 and theres stiff competition to be an au pair for a host family..

giftgrub

Just thought i'd throw in my say here.

We got a Demi-pair this summer, we provide food and board plus a 2 month travel pass (about 200 euro)

IN return we're supposed to get 20 hours a week childcare and housework, as well as 2 nights babysitting a month.

We got a spanish girl, a 22 year old Education student....

Its been a DISASTER, not long after she arrived our 3 year old was given an early diagnosis of Aspergers, he can be hard work and prone to major meltdowns so we decided not to get her to do any childminding.

Despite being given a list of things we'd like her to do in a week, (what i'd class as light housework, folding laundry, tidying, helping with disahes, maybe mopping once a week) she seems to think its below her.

She has english class in the morning and we often come down to dirty breakfast plates on the counter, spilled coffee and food that we said was for our son only eaten.

We might go out of the house for a few hours in the day (i'm a shift worker and am sometimes home early afternoon) and when we get back NOTHING has been done.

It got to the stage where we end up doing the jobs ourselves...one day my wife was mopping and i was hanging up clothes when the Demi-pair appeared, made lunch and buggered off back into her room.

In fact most of the time she's on skype, so loudly we had to ask her to keep it down as she woke our son one night.

When she does put in an appearance its mostly to see if dinner is ready, if not its back into the room.

Its petty I know but when she's yakking away on Skype sometimes I'll switch off the router...

I'd say we're lucky to get 2 hours a week at this stage....she leaves on thursday,if i have to carry her on my back down the m50 to the airport i will.

Rant over...

mkhall

giftgrub wrote: »

Just thought i'd throw in my say here.

We got a Demi-pair this summer, we provide food and board plus a 2 month travel pass (about 200 euro)

IN return we're supposed to get 20 hours a week childcare and housework, as well as 2 nights babysitting a month.

We got a spanish girl, a 22 year old Education student....

Its been a DISASTER, not long after she arrived our 3 year old was given an early diagnosis of Aspergers, he can be hard work and prone to major meltdowns so we decided not to get her to do any childminding.

Despite being given a list of things we'd like her to do in a week, (what i'd class as light housework, folding laundry, tidying, helping with disahes, maybe mopping once a week) she seems to think its below her.

She has english class in the morning and we often come down to dirty breakfast plates on the counter, spilled coffee and food that we said was for our son only eaten.

We might go out of the house for a few hours in the day (i'm a shift worker and am sometimes home early afternoon) and when we get back NOTHING has been done.

It got to the stage where we end up doing the jobs ourselves...one day my wife was mopping and i was hanging up clothes when the Demi-pair appeared, made lunch and buggered off back into her room.

In fact most of the time she's on skype, so loudly we had to ask her to keep it down as she woke our son one night.

When she does put in an appearance its mostly to see if dinner is ready, if not its back into the room.

Its petty I know but when she's yakking away on Skype sometimes I'll switch off the router...

I'd say we're lucky to get 2 hours a week at this stage....she leaves on thursday,if i have to carry her on my back down the m50 to the airport i will.

Rant over...

In fairness to the poor girl she came under the impression that she would be working with children. As you said, she is an education student and probably wanted to develop her skills and genuinely loves children. Instead, you have made her clean..that just doesnt sound right to me. Light housework is one of the duties of an au pair but she should be mainly doing childcare. I understand your situation but perhaps you should have given her the option of finding another host family.

giftgrub

mkhall wrote: »

In fairness to the poor girl she came under the impression that she would be working with children. As you said, she is an education student and probably wanted to develop her skills and genuinely loves children. Instead, you have made her clean..that just doesnt sound right to me. Light housework is one of the duties of an au pair but she should be mainly doing childcare. I understand your situation but perhaps you should have given her the option of finding another host family.

In fairness to the poor girl we have a deal in black and white, and our end food, board, 200 euro worth of travel passes has been fufilled.

Leaving aside the three year old, we also have a baby, and the two times she was asked to keep an eye on her we found that she was more interested in her iPhone.

There was also an incident when she came home pissed out of her mind with a hospital tag on her arm. She's an adult but to to cover ourselves we notified the agency who sent a rep out to talk to her.

Light house work is exactly that, we're not asking her to scrub toilets or anything.

doubletrouble?

gift i've a few things to ask/add if you dont mind.

giftgrub wrote: »

Just thought i'd throw in my say here.

We got a Demi-pair this summer, we provide food and board plus a 2 month travel pass (about 200 euro)

IN return we're supposed to get 20 hours a week childcare and housework, as well as 2 nights babysitting a month.

was she also paid pocket money?

giftgrub wrote: »

Its been a DISASTER, not long after she arrived our 3 year old was given an early diagnosis of Aspergers, he can be hard work and prone to major meltdowns so we decided not to get her to do any childminding.

no offence but as soon as you took the childminding away, you also took the " au pair" job out of the equation and would be employing a cleaner/housekeeper. people have different views as to what an au pair does/ what their role is. we had a long discussion with our au pair a few nights back and her conclusion is that the main job of an au pair is to childmind.

giftgrub wrote: »

Despite being given a list of things we'd like her to do in a week, (what i'd class as light housework, folding laundry, tidying, helping with disahes, maybe mopping once a week) she seems to think its below her.

She has english class in the morning and we often come down to dirty breakfast plates on the counter, spilled coffee and food that we said was for our son only eaten.

We might go out of the house for a few hours in the day (i'm a shift worker and am sometimes home early afternoon) and when we get back NOTHING has been done.

different sites have different rules as to what an au pair should or should not do. for example most sites say au pairs dont do laundry , while one or two others will say it can be included.but anyone that has an au pair would expect them to clean up after themselves.

giftgrub wrote: »

It got to the stage where we end up doing the jobs ourselves...one day my wife was mopping and i was hanging up clothes when the Demi-pair appeared, made lunch and buggered off back into her room.

In fact most of the time she's on skype, so loudly we had to ask her to keep it down as she woke our son one night.

When she does put in an appearance its mostly to see if dinner is ready, if not its back into the room.

Its petty I know but when she's yakking away on Skype sometimes I'll switch off the router...

I'd say we're lucky to get 2 hours a week at this stage....she leaves on thursday,if i have to carry her on my back down the m50 to the airport i will.

Rant over...

i agree with you that the au pair has to respect the family and their rules. but an au pair is also expected to be part of a family and not disappearing to their room most of the day.did you have a contract of employment signed. all the websites promote these as being one of the most important things when taking on an au pair. unfortunately gift things didn't work out in your case. but as i said in an earlier post there are more good stories than bad ones.

giftgrub wrote: »

Leaving aside the three year old, we also have a baby, and the two times she was asked to keep an eye on her we found that she was more interested in her iPhone.

i know alot of people aren't in the same position as myself and my wife ,we're due to start back to work in the next couple of weeks and to be prepared for that and to make sure our au pair is suitable for the job we started her about a month early to iron out an teething problems.

giftgrub wrote: »

There was also an incident when she came home pissed out of her mind with a hospital tag on her arm. She's an adult but to to cover ourselves we notified the agency who sent a rep out to talk to her.

you took the lighter approach considering theres an agency involved. our au pair has been given boundaries which they are not supposed to cross even though we're very laid back.

giftgrub

doubletrouble? wrote: »

gift i've a few things to ask/add if you dont mind.

was she also paid pocket money?

no offence but as soon as you took the childminding away, you also took the " au pair" job out of the equation and would be employing a cleaner/housekeeper. people have different views as to what an au pair does/ what their role is. we had a long discussion with our au pair a few nights back and her conclusion is that the main job of an au pair is to childmind.

different sites have different rules as to what an au pair should or should not do. for example most sites say au pairs dont do laundry , while one or two others will say it can be included.but anyone that has an au pair would expect them to clean up after themselves.

i agree with you that the au pair has to respect the family and their rules. but an au pair is also expected to be part of a family and not disappearing to their room most of the day.did you have a contract of employment signed. all the websites promote these as being one of the most important things when taking on an au pair. unfortunately gift things didn't work out in your case. but as i said in an earlier post there are more good stories than bad ones.

On the first question she wasn't paid pocket money, although if we needed extra babysitting we could have arranged an hourly rate.

The deal is food, board and travel expenses in exchange for 20 hours a week, childcare and housework, the way its split is up to ourselves.

I know of some people who dish up ready meals to their au pairs, we let her make her own breakfast and packed lunch and then she sits down with us for a fresh cooked meal in the evenings.

On the house cleaning issue, as well as guidelines we both got from the agency we also sat down with her and agreed EVERYTHING.

A list of duties was drawn up which she was happy with, for the first few days it was hunky dory but then thing tapered off and we either had to remind her of just do it ourselves.

As i said i don't think its acceptable that we have to re-wash dishes and pans that she thinks are cleaned, or clean up her mess when we come down in the morning after she's gone.

We've gotten the impression that this is her first time away from home (a home where her mother does everything for her) and theres been a bit of a blowout on her side.

Lesson learnt i guess, it wouldn't totally put us off a demi-pair again, but we're going to be more careful the next time.