Lost interest in hobbies

LegacyUser

I'm a 39-year-old male and I have a problem;I've lately become work-obsessed. Well not lately, more since I matured as an adult (about age 30). See I was a bit of a dosser when I was in my late teens/early twenties; you know the type;obsessed with movies,TV, soccer,basically avoiding anything that involved too much effort. As a result I didn't get a good job after school and worked for my father who was a bit too lenient on me. I had an easy time, I admit it.

I finally copped on about ten years ago and went and got a degree and since then I've spent some time out of work and some in work (about half in half). I am working at the moment (in my chosen field) and even though I am not earning a great salary, I feel I have achieved what I set out to do. The trouble is I keep beating myself up about the years I wasted. I feel incredibly guilty at having been so lazy and irresponsible. As a result of this I push myself really hard all the time (lunch breaks?Yeah right; I haven't taken one in over a year).
I come in early every morning and if I am stuck on a problem I either work late or work on it at home. If it's not solved I dwell on it after work, while (trying) to watch the TV or talk to someone.
I spend the weekends doing stuff for my parents (which they don't want me to do); washing and hoovering the car (those hubcaps have to be shining!), mowing the lawn, weeding, tidying up the garage, power-hosing walls, whatever I feel needs attention.
That's the great thing about living on a farm; there's always something to do (even if it doesn't need to be done).

This obsession is partly driven by personal guilt; I WANT to punish myself by having a difficult life (I had an easy one for long enough). It's also OCD, maybe a bit of both.
God everything non-work related is such a bore. I went to watch my local league of Ireland soccer team with my mates recently (which I used to love). I couldn't wait for it to be over. I actually RAN to my car after to get home.
I used to go to games in England once or twice a year. I haven't been to one for seven years now. To be honest it wouldn't worry me if I never went to one again.
Meetings in work; boring boring boring boring, let me out of here so I can do some real work.
I had a terrible experience when I went to a concert in Dublin recently; I went with a friend but didn't really want to go (well it is enjoying myself; I don't do that). I was stuck in a hotel the morning after until midday; I thought I was going to go insane. If I had my way I would have been gone at nine.
Laziness is like overworking; eventually it becomes a habit. A habit that becomes impossible to break.
This problem has wormed it's way into each and very facet of my life. If I'm on the 'phone to someone I try and get rid of them as soon as possible (this includes members of my own family). If anyone does ring me I say to myself "what does he/she want?".
When there is a problem at work and I solve it and there isn't another problem straight after; a sort of disappointment comes over me ("s**t, what do I do now?"). To tell you the truth I am happier when there is some sort of crisis; it keeps me occupied.
I am actually already becoming bored in my present job; it's getting too "easy". When I go to bed at night I can't wait for the morning to come. I've never been on a foreign holiday (feel free to laugh); I feel I don't deserve a holiday.

I don't have a girlfriend (spend Saturdays around the shops?Not a chance)
I just feel I have to be "productive". I have been to the HSE about this issue; they have me seeing a behavioural therapist and he's been helpful but I haven't done any of the things he's asked me to do; listening to relaxation CD's etc. I feel bad about this but I really can't help it.
It's not completley one-sided; I do sometimes do social things;go out at night, go to a match. But it is a an effort; I am rarely completely at ease, I am there in body but not in spirit. I feel I "shouldn't" be there; I might think of my parents at home on their own and suddenly become overwhelmed with guilt; I feel selfish for enjoying myself. I look for reasons to not enjoy myself. I might think of some episode from my lazy years and I think "God yeah I was a really lazy b*****d for doing that". That's it then, that thought is stuck in head for the night and I can't get rid of it.

I weigh things up if I have a choice to make between having a good time and not doing something that I feel "needs" to be done. I work in a city but if I get an offer to go out on the Friday night I might not do it if as I will have to make the journey home in the morning and not the previous evening (then I won't have the full day to do my "jobs").
I look at people relaxing and chatting in pubs and I wish I could be like them.
I don't think I ever will be though.

I should mention I am on medication to relax me and it has helped a little (I won't mention the name of it in case the mods don't allow it)
What I have described above is a negative aspect of my personality (but there are good parts too). Feel free to criticise, I don't mind.

wylo

Sounds to me like a mild anxiety and depression. Alot of what you are describing I used to be able to relate to , i.e. needless guilt, feeling the need to be always doing something productive,not being able to just enjoy something as it is, whether its a gig or match or whatever, wanting to be busy.

Heres my suggestion, why dont you take up meditation? But before you write it off as something unproductive, try and take a different view to it, try and see that it is actually something VERY productive for the future well being of your life, something that someone can become very good at, something that actually requires effort and discipline.
What Im suggesting to you is to try and apply your "philosophy" to meditation to make it easier and more enjoyable.

The better you get at it, the more clear you will become , and the more clear you become the more you begin to enjoy things for what they are, and ironically you will actually become more productive, but in a healthy way, you will also appreciate the importance of simply enjoying yourself. Not to mention, you will feel less guilty yet still be a good help to your parents. You will also have a better attitude, and a clearer focus.

The thing you have to ask yourself is, how productive are you actually being? As in , every single time you are doing "something productive", are you actually contributing to your life in a productive way? Or are you are simply occupying the mind needlessly? Obviously your answer wont be black and white as you will of course be doing SOME productive things, but you would be amazed how much time you actually waste believing you are being productive, when everyone else is enjoying their life.

Taltos

Can I remind everyone that it is against our site rules to offer medical advice or diagnoses. OP - only a GP can diagnose if you have anxiety or depression.

Thanks
Taltos

LegacyUser

I feel like an idiot for posting all that anyway. Sorry

Ickle Magoo

Maybe start viewing your mental health as important as your production/earning potential and take the advice and help you've already been given via the HSE, rather than not doing anything you've been advised to do and wondering why things aren't improving?

NB I don't think you have any reason to feel like an idiot - but you are entitled to ask that the thread be locked/deleted if you wish OP. Just post again to let us know if you don't have/don't want to use your registered ID.

All the very best

Doc Farrell

I'm in a similar boat myself and I can see a few key words. Namely passive versus active.
All of your hobbies are passive, watching football, watching at a concert. These arent for you. You need more active physical hobbies. And to be blunt your confidence is probably fairly low because you dismiss a relationship as a passive following of a woman around shops.
Leave the relationship aside for a minute I think you should make a list of 20 active physical hobbies that you can do. Write them down, even if you have no intention of doing them. From mountaineering to cycling, scuba diving, iron man pentathlons, write them down!
Some people like to work! Theres nothing wrong with that, but obviously you want more from life. Here's a simple question, when was the last time that you worked up a sweat! Probably mowing the lawn for your mam? It felt good right?
Physical exercise is a great way to get rid of annoying thoughts. It also helps you sleep better. It helps you breathe and stand and look better. There's no downside - unless you are OCD in which case don't over do it.
I'm going to start a thread here tonight on achieving easy goals. When I do I'll post a link.
Back to relationships. If you get involved in physical nonpassive hobbies you will meet physical nonpassive women. They might not want a relationship with you but they will also not want to take you shopping!
Try not to get too caught up with one club or skill or hobby or sport. Try 20. Just make sure that you are not a passive spectator.
I'll post up the link to my motivation idea thread when it's up.
For now, get a pen and paper and write down 20 weird dangerous active! hobbies that are practiced by clubs in Ireland. Right now.