A crush or something more serious?

LegacyUser

I'm not the type of person who 'fancies' people very often. I find that I have to get to know someone before I become attracted to them and even at that, the 3 people I've had relationships with are really the only people I've ever really desired. Ive been with my current partner for 2 years. We live together and I love him to bits. However, I've recently become friends with a guy and from the first moment we met, there was a connection between us. I feel strongly attracted to him and I'm almost sure he feels the same. This has really knocked me for six. I've never felt anything like it. I would never cheat on my boyfriend but I feel very guilty for even having these feelings about someone else. I'm worried that this may be an indication that I am somehow unsatisfied in my current relationship. We had planned on settling down, buying a house and having kids but now all of a sudden, I'm panicking that maybe he isn't right for me. How can I love my partner do much yet have these strong feelings about someone else?

snafuk35

Stupidcaptiva wrote: »

I'm not the type of person who 'fancies' people very often. I find that I have to get to know someone before I become attracted to them and even at that, the 3 people I've had relationships with are really the only people I've ever really desired. Ive been with my current partner for 2 years. We live together and I love him to bits. However, I've recently become friends with a guy and from the first moment we met, there was a connection between us. I feel strongly attracted to him and I'm almost sure he feels the same. This has really knocked me for six. I've never felt anything like it. I would never cheat on my boyfriend but I feel very guilty for even having these feelings about someone else. I'm worried that this may be an indication that I am somehow unsatisfied in my current relationship. We had planned on settling down, buying a house and having kids but now all of a sudden, I'm panicking that maybe he isn't right for me. How can I love my partner do much yet have these strong feelings about someone else?

Everyone has the potential to be compatible with multiple people and you don't magically stop being attracted to other people just because you have a ring on your finger, children and a house. If you are in a serious relationship or a marriage and you have made a commitment to another person you will still meet people who potentially would have swept you off your feet if you were single. There is nothing unusual about meeting someone new who appears to be superior in everyway to your current partner. Monogomy was created to make human civilisation possible because otherwise people might be flitting between different partners and nobody would know whose kids are whose or who is in line to inherit what. So if you want to cheat, do what you like, but if you decide to just change your mind everytime when a new person comes along don't expect any of your relationships or marriage to last very long.

P. Breathnach

There is infatuation, and there is love. For most people, infatuation is a step on the road to loving another person.

It looks, OP, as if you have a record of finding love without experiencing feelings of infatuation. Nothing wrong in that: people are different. Perhaps for the first time in your life you are experiencing feelings of infatuation.

You can be in love, in a good solid relationship that can endure, and still experience the occasional infatuation. Just be wary that you don't do foolish things. That might mean keeping this friend at a distance.

WumBuster

Best not act on this new infatuation, op. You dont want to jeporadise a solid, steady relationship over something that might not end up going anywhere. And you dont know if this person really has any feelings for you outside perhaps a sexual nature. I think most people get these little minor crushes from time to time whether they are in a relationship or not. But most people who act on them end up regretting it.

dannyc31

E

veryone has the potential to be compatible with multiple people and you don't magically stop being attracted to other people just because you have a ring on your finger, children and a house. If you are in a serious relationship or a marriage and you have made a commitment to another person you will still meet people who potentially would have swept you off your feet if you were single. There is nothing unusual about meeting someone new who appears to be superior in everyway to your current partner. Monogomy was created to make human civilisation possible because otherwise people might be flitting between different partners and nobody would know whose kids are whose or who is in line to inherit what. So if you want to cheat, do what you like, but if you decide to just change your mind everytime when a new person comes along don't expect any of your relationships or marriage to last very long.

unfortunately for most people, we are not taught this is schools and instead the fairy-tale happily ever after story is constantly re-enforced and re-enforced again by religious ideals who would have their own agenda. "you meet the one and live happily ever after, the end". the reality of pair bonding is a little more complex than that.

i'm not saying there is anything wrong with Monogomy i'm just saying people need to realise its not the natural state of our human mammal biology. 96% of mammals in the animal kingdom do not practice Monogomy so you can see we as humans are in the minority for the reasons giving above. our biology has not caught up with our cultural developments were we have realized that the best option to get our off spring to child rearing age themselves, is to try maintain a Monogamous relationship. i think Richard Dawkins talks about this is his book the selfish gene in a topic known as the battle of the sexes.

anyway i could waffle on but i guess what were saying is, no its is perfectly natural and normal to feel attraction to multiple people and see them as potential partners. this will continue to happen throughout your life but it doesnt mean you're any less in love or attracted to the person you're with.. learn to be comfortable with yourself and your feelings and just realize what is at work here i.e. Darwin, Nature, evolution. just dont act on those impulses unless you dont plan on ever settling down and rearing a family.

best of luck