Lost my brother suddenly 3 weeks ago

qwertytlk

Hi

My brother died suddenly 3 weeks ago. He was young and wasn't sick so it is a huge shock.
From when he died to the funeral I was devastated and couldn't stop crying but since the funeral, which was just over 2 weeks ago, I havent cried once or felt sad.
We were very close, more like friends than brother and sister and we
Did a lot together.
I am familiar with the 5 stages of Grief etc and how some people react to death of a loved one but I feel there may be something wrong with me!??! A couple of people have said to me that after a death you can be seemingly fine for weeks, even months and then out of nowhere it can just hit you...
I'm not sure if I did my grieving before the funeral an I have already come to terms with his passing or if I'm just in a state of shock or denial?
Has anyone else ever gone through this?

Also his partner when he died is absolutely mad and has told an awful lot of lies. I'm not taking white lies but seriously disturbed and messed up things. For instance that she had children who passed away in tragic circumstances, which we have found out to be complete crap. That's not the only thing, there are plenty more of that nature and things involving him too that she's lied about. The situation is delicate however as she is carrying his baby. So we have not confronted her or anything.
To be honest I'm not sure there's any point.
Basically I mentioned the situation with the girlfriend as I'm not sure if this could be a reason for the way I am dealing with his passing as obviously the fact she is pregnant and all the things we have discovered she has lied about have been occupying my mind.

Iv been out to his grave 4 times already, and even when I'm there it dorsnt quite feel real, it doesn't seen like he is really gone- although logicaly I know he is.

Im just really confused and not sure if im dealing with this right, or at all! Or if I'm just in denial or shock.Or if I have already grieved for him in the run up to the funerAl?

So if anyone else has experienced a similar situation or has any advice or suggestions for me it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading and Appolgies for the long post but I'm finding this difficult to explain correctly.

missjm

First of all, I'm so so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you're almost drained from hearing that sentence. I'm not going to say to you 'what you're going through is normal' etc etc. I don't believe there is any such thing. I myself suffered a huge bereavement this year and like you, walked around numb for weeks. I have good days, I have bad days and as time goes on I cry more. The finality of it all I find difficult to deal with.
Just take each day as it comes and talk to people. Don't be afraid to sit down and even if it's talking about your brother (which will be upsetting), make sure you take time to do it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
It all comes in waves. My dad died August 6 years ago and it didn't hit me till the March afterwards. But it built up and I just felt like I was going mad.
My mother died last November, again like your brother, very suddenly and shockingly. Not sure it has hit me yet, but I look after my 16 year old brother now so I concentrate on him and my partner (who is amazing)

Going to his grave will help you.

But IMO your are coping the best you can. As the above poster said take each day as it comes is also the best advice I can give you.

uck51js9zml2yt

I've had a brother and sister die suddenly in recent years and dealt with each one differently, so there are no hard and fast rules.
What you do need to do is grieve, whatever form that may take and don't judge yourself for not grieving as you think you should. Everyone is different.

What might help you is to get some bereavement counseling.
I know my brothers son found it helped him just to talk to someone about how he felt about his dad dying.
I don't know were you are but your local parish or community centre may run counseling services.
I found one link that may be of use to you http://www.bereavementireland.com/

yermin

Hi

I went through a very similar situation in that I lost my little brother suddenly. That was about three years ago.
It's important to believe that your grief is normal, and everyone deals with it differently. I personally didn't cry for very long periods of time. There was one period of at least a year, maybe longer, I don't remember that well. One day, the damn burst, so to speak, and for a while, I could barely control the tears. Don't worry about not crying, or not showing emotion. You probably realise at this point that not many people know what to do when someone dies. It's not something most people deal with much(fortunately) but that can make things scarier. That goes for grief too, not many people know what to expect, unless they've gone through it. And people don't always understand, but don't let that make you think you're not normal. Even If you have experienced it before, it's a frightening process, but ultimately, your body knows what it's doing, you can trust that. It's a process that will heal you in the end. People said this to me years ago, and I absolutely did not believe it, but the thing that truly soothed the pain was time. That and friends.

lukesmom

Hey op my little brother died suddenly and tragically last year he was just 22. Don't worry about when youll greive. There are many stages of grief. One year on I am grieving hard my heart completely broken but we must go on and live our lives for our brothers who lost that chance. Take on step at a time, day by day. Grief is the hardest thing to cope with. But you will fine peace in your heart eventually but you never get over it. You wouldn't want to anyway because you loved him so much. Never mind what his partner said, it's very hurtful for you and your family but try rise above it as she is carrying his baby, thoughts are with you

mat cauthon

My son died recently. He was 22.
I dont know how I feel most of the time.

lukesmom

mat cauthon wrote: »

My son died recently. He was 22.
I dont know how I feel most of the time.

I'm so sorry about your son. It's 20 long months since my brother died suddenly he was also 22. I've just come home from my mothers where she was crying. Its so painful. You are in my thoughts

paulap

to you all my heart breaks for you. losinga loved one effects us all the same and different at the same time if that makes sense.OP whatever you do dont put pressure on yourself to feel or do anything because other people are. your grief is unique to you. like you when i lost my partner i put so much pressure to heal that in itself made it harder. the most importnat thing is to be kind to yourself. your mind and body are going through a significant trauma and needs to be cared for. anger can arise from the behaviour around us and often helps us refocus on other things than ourselves but remember only u can take care of you. it might be too early but in time maybe talking toa councilor could help its not for everyone and the first time i went it was too soon even a year after. but time doesnt heal we dont "move on" we learn to work with our grief. sadness numbness anxiety anger are all feelings you havea right to feel or not feel. the key point is take care of yourself make sure you eat well get some fresh air and surround yourself with people who can be there for you its a long journey with no end. your mind is coping the best it can. a big hug for you