No More: Another Stereotype

MudHoney

I am tired of my life, I sometimes dont want to wake up in the morning because the sun shining makes me feel guilty for not having an enjoyable life. I dont have many friends, I wish I had more and the ones I have I dont have much incommon with and seem immature at times. I tried to make more through activities etc. but that failed, I threw myself in my hobbies but I cant do that anymore. I dont think I am able to make relationships friendship or otherwise anymore, I met a guy I really liked and I think he liked me too at times but I didnt pursue it through fear, lack of self confidence and I worried he'd see my lonely pathetic life and find someone better. I wanted to form a band for ages, that gave me hope but now I realise Im such a pussy I'll never go through with it. Today, I dont feel sad I cried all last night but just empty. And Im so tired, I feel like when Im with people I have to put on a stupid grin as a mask over the only things Ive been feeling anger, loneliness, emptiness and sadness. I'll admit Ive considered suicide but dont worry, Im too much of a pussy and failure to do that. I look at other peoples lives and their so happy and having fun and Im not and I feel guilty for feeling this way when I know there are greater problems Im lucky not to have. Im sorry for my ranting post, dont worry Im not always this narcissistic I just needed to pretend someone cared.

I ’gin to be aweary of the sun
And wish the estate o' the world were now undone

Ickle Magoo

Your post is chock-full of self-loathing and negativity - I think you need to make an appointment with your GP and tell them how you are feeling and get professional help.

All the best.