Heartbroken!

LegacyUser

I am unsure as to what advice I am looking for as I already know it will take time but I guess a perspective on how to learn from this might be it, or some comfort.

My boyfriend broke up with me last night on the grounds that he doesn't love me. I am absolutely heartbroken!
At the start, I was hesitant to get too close to him as I have been through a very difficult relationship in the past and had been hurt quite badly. We got on wonderfully, he persued a relationship with me, and over time I completely fell for him despite my misgivings! Everything was so easy, there were no fights, no tension, it was so simple, he seemed to be happy, said I was a great girlfriend and that he was happy with me, and he made me really happy also. I really am even now, so in love with him for all it matters...!

2 months ago, I said 'I love you', he had told me he had difficulty saying this in the past and explained it takes him time etc. I didnt put pressure on him to say it, but I guess I thought in my head that he felt it because he seemed so happy with me! We met each others family and friends, our lives just seemed to intertwine and we get on just so well!
My mistake I think, was to make the assumption that he was falling for me too! He is moving away for a year with work in October which is something we have been aware of from the beginning. He was initially of the attitude that it was not something that we couldnt get over, however I think he now doesnt feel strongly enough for me to think its going to last when he moves away and has decided to save both of us more pain.
The problem is I have gone the complete opposite and realised that I adore him completely and his going away seemed less of an obstacle to me... (typical eh...!)

I am absolutely lost and in so much pain!
It is a horrible feeling and having been through a number of relationships and break-ups, I am actually surprised at how badly this is affecting me as we haven't been together for any signifigant period. It all just felt so right and easy and I was so so happy!
I know that there is no point in us continuing our relationship when he doesnt want to be with me, I can accept that despite how much it hurts.
I just wish we had had more time together.

I guess I am wondering can anyone help me through this. Can anyone relate to thinking they met their 'one' and then coping with the realisation that it wasn't real so to speak!?

Thanks,

SineadMarie

I know how you feel, can i ask how long you were together? Me and my ex broke up a few weeks back and we've been going around in circles with him since then. He broke up with me cos he didnt trust me even though like you with your bf i adored him.

My only advice and i'm sure you know as you have been through this before is to get out and do things with friends/family take your mind of things. Time is the only healer now i'm afraid i know its the worse kind of pain but you've been through this before and got there you can do it again. I know i have and here i am again too! We can both do this. Best of luck.x

LegacyUser

Sorry, we were together for 6 months and are both in our late 20's. I guess I should have been able to pick up on this sooner.
I am getting this awful feeling that this just isnt right! This is where the frustration and hurt lies, we genuinely had a lovely relationship. I just feel like he is letting fear direct his decision, which is just so sad!

I want to ring him and tell him he's making a terrible mistake and beg him to reconsider, and realise that what we had was special etc... but I know this is not fair on either of us.
I am sure it was difficult for him to end it because despite the lack of love on his side, I am in no doubt that he cares for me!
Just need to sit on my hands I suppose...

Piliger

Sososad wrote: »

I guess I am wondering can anyone help me through this. Can anyone relate to thinking they met their 'one' and then coping with the realisation that it wasn't real so to speak!?

Thanks,

No. Yes. Yes .....

I am so so so sorry OP. I know the pain you are going through. It is thoroughly ghastly.
I do think you are responding well, in how you are rationalising it in your posts.
You will get lots and lots of great advice here from great younger people than me about the best things to do to deal with it. All I can say to you is listen to them and be assured ... it will get better, but only in time. Get busy, reach out to your friends .. Stop beating yourself up and blaming any failure of insight on your part.

best of luck.

SineadMarie

Sososad wrote: »

Sorry, we were together for 6 months and are both in our late 20's. I guess I should have been able to pick up on this sooner.
I am getting this awful feeling that this just isnt right! This is where the frustration and hurt lies, we genuinely had a lovely relationship. I just feel like he is letting fear direct his decision, which is just so sad!

I want to ring him and tell him he's making a terrible mistake and beg him to reconsider, and realise that what we had was special etc... but I know this is not fair on either of us.
I am sure it was difficult for him to end it because despite the lack of love on his side, I am in no doubt that he cares for me!
Just need to sit on my hands I suppose...

Don't contact him he'll either ignore you or text you back and neither is good. I don't know your bf but if his mind is made up he won't have anymore to say and will think its easy not to reply to your texts/calls. If you get a text back your heart will skip a beat for a few moments even if its not what you want to hear and your back to square one which isn't good. The best possible thing you can do now is stop all contact and you'll be surprised how your feeling after a few weeks. He may even miss you and contact you, i'm not saying put all your hopes on maybe one day he will change his mind but you don't know either. I believe in the saying if its mean to be it won't pass you by. You'll be ok, your story sounds very similar to mine and i know exactly how your feeling. You can get through this though, just keep as busy as possible and each day will get easier the pain will slowly go away.