A self-pity party involving the regrets of drinking too much

emmabrighton

Tonight I am having trouble sleeping and I have difficulty reconciling the drinking I did in the past with the life I have now. I have made so many poor decisions in the past 10 years that either are a result of drinking or caused me to drink more to forget my bad decisions and I feel so guilty about that.
Tonight I have a handsome strong son fighting for every breath he takes in the neonatal intensive care unit and here I am thinking about how I have voluntarily messed up so many nights because of drinking way beyond the amount I should have had. I would say that in the last couple of years, every night I drank was forgettable and regrettable.
I am so grateful that I have not drank in as long as I have and I thank god every day that I had stopped drinking before my son was conceived because I would only have been able to blame my drinking for his current struggle. He should still be tucked up inside me with 2 months to go and not in a hospital incubator.
Anyway, its just a tiny little rant and is really not important in the greater scheme of things. Tomorrow something will happen with my son which will make me regret this indulgence in self pity and make me realise how lucky I actually am.

charlemont

We've all been there, Have a lot of flashbacks of my own past drunken stupidity and the trouble it got me into, But Look to the future and the fun you will have with your son. Hope he will be ok.

Bassfish

emmabrighton wrote: »

Tonight I am having trouble sleeping and I have difficulty reconciling the drinking I did in the past with the life I have now. I have made so many poor decisions in the past 10 years that either are a result of drinking or caused me to drink more to forget my bad decisions and I feel so guilty about that.
Tonight I have a handsome strong son fighting for every breath he takes in the neonatal intensive care unit and here I am thinking about how I have voluntarily messed up so many nights because of drinking way beyond the amount I should have had. I would say that in the last couple of years, every night I drank was forgettable and regrettable.
I am so grateful that I have not drank in as long as I have and I thank god every day that I had stopped drinking before my son was conceived because I would only have been able to blame my drinking for his current struggle. He should still be tucked up inside me with 2 months to go and not in a hospital incubator.
Anyway, its just a tiny little rant and is really not important in the greater scheme of things. Tomorrow something will happen with my son which will make me regret this indulgence in self pity and make me realise how lucky I actually am.

Hope everything goes well for you both.

Totalelf

Leave the past where it belongs, you can't alter it now. Look to the future of non drinking and time with your precious son. Best of luck to you both, hope he'll be out of neonatal soon xx