Thinking about ending long term relationship

LegacyUser

Hi,

Long term user of boards going unreg for this. I'm 27, male and have been in a long term gay (not that it makes any difference) relationship for over 6 years.

I've recently been really unhappy in the relationship and feel it is not progressing or going anywhere in the last few years. We rarely go out together or meet friends together and i suppose it works both ways that we both should have made an effort with that.

We have almost lived together the whole time we've been together away from home and haven't even met family after all this time. I feel like excuses are always been made for not doing this even though they know about our relationship.

I'm so afraid of ending something and regretting it. I don't know whether i should work at it more and see if things will improve with time. I can't remember the last time i have been the first to say "i love you". It has always been the other way around. I do love him but feel it's not enough for me at the moment and that I'm just used to the fact we're together so long that i've stayed this way so long.

I was thinking about moving back home as rarely see my family and starting afresh and then possibly go traveling which i've never had the opportunity to do because of my relationship.

It feels like i'm being selfish for having these thoughts and dont know anyone i can talk to about it. Any advise would be helpful. Thanks

cintra

sadandworried wrote: »

Hi,

Long term user of boards going unreg for this. I'm 27, male and have been in a long term gay (not that it makes any difference) relationship for over 6 years.

I've recently been really unhappy in the relationship and feel it is not progressing or going anywhere in the last few years. We rarely go out together or meet friends together and i suppose it works both ways that we both should have made an effort with that.

We have almost lived together the whole time we've been together away from home and haven't even met family after all this time. I feel like excuses are always been made for not doing this even though they know about our relationship.

I'm so afraid of ending something and regretting it. I don't know whether i should work at it more and see if things will improve with time. I can't remember the last time i have been the first to say "i love you". It has always been the other way around. I do love him but feel it's not enough for me at the moment and that I'm just used to the fact we're together so long that i've stayed this way so long.

I was thinking about moving back home as rarely see my family and starting afresh and then possibly go traveling which i've never had the opportunity to do because of my relationship.

It feels like i'm being selfish for having these thoughts and dont know anyone i can talk to about it. Any advise would be helpful. Thanks

Sometimes when we are in relationships, especially the kind where we get close, move in and generally are very intense about from early on, it is easy to get in a trapped in a bubble of 2, where things like family, friends, past times can all get a bit sidelined. And while this is wonderful and cosy for the honeymoon phase, it can actually become a bit suffocating when you get back to the nitty gritty reality stage of the couple.

First of all you say that you haven't met his family yet. Have you talked about this? I know it may not seem an issue, and for some people it isn't that important, but I think for the majority, it is a sign of trust, intimacy and getting to know all the funny stories of them when they were 4. Obviously I don't know the situation, so perhaps they may have some kindve of issue, but he should tell you so if this is the case. Thats what partners are for.

Second ITS NORMAL to get a bit tired of eachother. Especially if you are sitting in all the time. Key mistake that I personally have made. There is times where you have to forget your partner for a bit. Get out of the house, join a sport, a gym, a book club whatever. The strongest relationships are the ones where you can both be happy in your own individual company, and come together to share whats happening in your own lives. Even starting something new together could be a fun challenge, and a great way to see your partner in the eyes of others; can often make you fall all over again!

Travelling issue. Easy. Do it. Nothing better for your mind. Even a month inter railing the capitals of Europe, in hostels and eating kebabs can be the greatest craic a person can have. And could i suggest that it would also be a good thing to do together, recapturing the spark? God knows we all look a bit better on the sunshine on a diet of cheap wine and good cheese!!!

Moving home is a big one. But that also doesn't have to be the end. You clearly need a bit of a break to re-assess, and perhaps the best thing would be to raise all of the above issues with your partner. Obviously it will be hard and emotional but if you thing there could still be a chance, maybe a trial run at home for a month would be good. Space for both of you, and maybe date nights again? Always good to make seeing eachother special again.

Sorry if this was sickeningly positive, but Im working off a notion that maybe it would be good for yourself as far as regrets go to try all you can before letting it go. And obviously sometimes it doesnt work out. It happens. I still care deeply about 2 of my ex boyfriends, and we are still friends. And a regret free life is not worth having so its nothing to scared of. Regrets mean you lived, loved and touched someones life. And I mean it about the travelling, no more putting it off!