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36 ..pushing on 40

  • 19-07-2012 6:57pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    i am so so disillusioned.... please help...
    am a 36 yr old female, with good job, well educated... have had no problem getting boyfriends but never seem to be able to hold on to them. have noticed recently that my relationships have been getting shorter and shorter... have been single now for almost a year and half...
    I really want to find a nice man to have a life with.... all my friends have kids and dont go out any more... tried joind the clubs and so on to meet new people, but so far this hasnt worked....


Comments

  • #2
    Ellsbells
    Closed Accounts Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Ellsbells


    Op, as you know, as people move into their 30's, dating gets more 'precise' in that people tend to know pretty quickly what they want and dont want. If I were interested in meeting someone, I would be happy if the relationship that were not ever going to work, for whatever reason, finished so I could move on and meet someone who does suit me. Its actually a positive that you are not stuck in relationships, which are going nowhere for years so give yourself a pat on the back for that. The less time you spend with Mr Wrong, the more time you have for Mr Right.

    People will suggest you try internet dating. Have you done so? Have you tried the more unusual dating sites e.g. those where you meet someone for lunch or as part of a dinner party. What are your interests? Have you interests which bring you into contact with men??

    I met my OH at 39 after giving up. What I did wrong was spend years in relationships that never would work but I tried... I had literally resigned myself to not meeting someone and to never having kids so every guy I met was just a source of fun for me and not viewed as a prospective anything... I think you need (cliche alert) be happy with yourself and your life and its attractive to others. Sadly there is a stereotype of 30+ women which is that they just want to meet and marry and it doesnt matter who the man is... Dont give that impression and especially dont give the impression because you dont feel that. Better to be on your own than stuck in a bad relationship. Enjoy being single and see what happens.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I agree with the last post that you have to be happy within yourself and with your own life to meet some one. This does not mean that you get out of bed each day being in constant good humor because this is not natural and we all have some days that are better than others.
    Any new man you meet should be viewed as a possible new friend not as my future husband or the father of my children. Men seem to sense a woman is husband hunting and will run a mile.
    I would follow the previous post advice. You better off on your own that be in a relationship that is going no where just to say to people you have a boyfriend. Not everyone in a relationship or married is happy.
    I often think you meet someone when you least expect so you should join a few new groups to widen your circle of friends.


  • #4
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    I also agree that it is so important to be happy and fulfilled in your own life before introducing someone else to it. I spent the early part of my 20s in a relationship which was wrong for me on so many levels. We had totally different views, ideals and plans for the future. But I was afraid of being single so I stuck it out until he ended it.

    I spent over 4 years just sorting myself out, getting back on track and I am truly content with my life the way it is. And then *bam!* I met someone. Early days but going well. He said one of the main things he noticed about me was that I looked so happy and approachable all the time. That I always looked like I was having fun , that I had a genuine smile and never looked like I was trying too hard. He is similar, had been single for nearly a decade and was happy out in his own little bachelor world so we're two peas in a pod really and we both know who we are and what we want. I like the fact that he is so chilled out and easy going. No drama.

    I also know that my single life was good and therefore I wouldn't totally object to going back to being single. And that means I don't waste my time on people who aren't on the same page as me.
    OP it's very easy to get a boyfriend and get into a relationship. But not necessarily so easy to get into the right relationship. You are holding out for the right man and that's a good thing. Try to think of it more positively. You could easily go and meet someone who is all wrong for you but you're choosing not to.


    Personally I tried and hated online dating. However, I wouldn't completely dismiss it. But I think what works best is broadening your social circle and meeting new people. Make a vow never to turn down an invitation unless it's totally necessary. If someone says "we must go for a coffee" then arrange it. Be the one who makes the plans instead of the one who waits for others to pass out the invites. You'll meet more people are increase your chances of meeting the man who is right for you.


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