Eloping

cazzak79

My boyfriend and I were discussing getting married last night we are just after buying a house and wouldn't be able to afford it also we are both kind of shy would hate attention on me for the day
So looking for eloping ideas I don't want reg office
So looking for somewhere to elope and legal here in Ireland
Las Vegas is bit far
So maybe new York or lanzorate

Sleepy

You need to look into the legal requirements of the place you want to get married e.g. I know France impose a residency clause that states you have to be resident there for a number of years before you can legally get married there.

seamus

Most jurisdictions require you to apply for a licence to get legally married (or something similar) as well as abide by minimum notice periods. As Sleepy says, some may also have residency requirements.

Vegas is popular in this regard because although you still need a licence, you can get one and get married practically straight away and there are no residency requirements.

I found one site with lots of information on various countries:
http://www.eloperite.com/

General theme from looking through them is that you'd need to take at least a two-week holiday in the destination of choice to give them time to process your documents and so on.

Generally speaking a marriage which is legal in another jurisidiction is legal in Ireland.

artyeva

las vegas is a bit far flight wise i s'pose but that's what we did and i don't regret a minute of it. apart from it being OH's preference, it was the easiest destination planning wise. booked the chapel, hotel and car in advance, went to the courthouse to get the licence when we arrived, got married. easy peasy. i did look into gretna green but tbh it was a bit grim. it was nice to get married in sunshine in november :cool:

i know people who got married in malta, not sure what the requirements for there were. still a 5 hour flight i think.

Bid08

just wondering did anyone regret not having their family with them?

this is something we would really consider doing. Any one who has eloped did you have a dress to bring with you or did you organise an outfit over there?

Lisa_

Bid08 wrote: »

just wondering did anyone regret not having their family with them?

this is something we would really consider doing. Any one who has eloped did you have a dress to bring with you or did you organise an outfit over there?

We got married in New York in December 2010. No regrets whatsoever. I have three older siblings so my parents had already had three big family weddings to keep them happy.

I would recommend New York to anyone thinkIng about eloping. You can apply for your licence online and then go in person with your passports to collect it at the city clerk's office. You must collect the licence at least 24 hours before you return to get married.

We also booked a photographer who acted as our witness and took the most amazing pictures of us there, on the subway, on broadway and Times Square.

It really was an amazing experience. Going to Times Squate on the subway with the photographer after the ceremony was especially memorable. Lots of random people congratulating us etc.

I brought a dress with me - not the traditional white though. We bought flowers at the city clerks office - White roses (bouquet for me, buttonhole for him).

Bid08

sounds absolutley beautiful - i am really on the fence about it but I think its something I am seriously going to consider,

Sleepy

The first question you both have to ask yourselves before deciding to elope is "will mammy forgive me?".

Make no mistake about it, eloping will hurt your parents.

Bid08

im from a large family and marriage isnt high prioity, my siblings are all with their partners a long time (im mid 20's and one is with their OH longer with kids and a hse) - I dont think they would mind all that much -

artyeva

i wouldn't agree sleepy, it really depends on the family. my parents are not showy or traditional people, they were uncomfortable enough when my older sister got married and did the big wedding so they were bleedin' delighted they didn't have to go through it a second time. his folks are more traditional, so yeah, there's still some 'issues' there over 18 months later. but at the end of the day, they had the wedding of their dreams when they got married, this was his day and he did what he was comfortable with. if they have an issue with it, that's their problem really, not his and certainly not mine. the whole eloping to vegas thing was his idea in the end, so i can field any accusations that 'i led him astray' with a clear conscience

and lisa_ ....your day sounds fab. we did pretty much the same, i bought my frock with me [wasn't white though], he bought his tux, and my sister is a wedding florist so myself and her made a bouquet and buttonhole from silk flowers and i brought them with me. our photographers also acted as our witnesses. no regrets here.

Sleepy

Sorry, didn't mean you'd be hurting your parents by not doing the traditional "Big Irish Wedding" but rather by definition, eloping means they're not going to be there to celebrate one of the biggest moments in their childs life with them. My daughter's only 3 but I can't imagine not being there to "give her away" if and when she should ever get married.

artyeva

oh sleepy, sorry, it looks like i had taken you up wrong but i had taken you up right i just didn't xplain it very well my parents just wouldn't have been into that aspect. weddings in our family aren't an issue really. not an issue but - i dunno - at the end of the day to them it's just a ceremony where you exchange vows, and to them and us that's a private thing. i've asked mum a few times since did she mind what we did and she still says she's delighted. it's a lot of pressure to put on someone to say that one of the biggest moments of their life is going to be a wedding day. your daughter might not ever feel like that when she's older!

tinkerbell

Agree with Sleepy, eloping can be very selfish. You can easily get married in Ireland in a venue that doesn't have to be a church, etc. and have your parents with you - you don't have to have a big wedding at all. At least give your parents the option. I know somebody who eloped and her father was so upset about it. He spent his entire life making sacrifices for his kids, ensuring they got the best education, setting them up for life, etc. and then she essentially slaps him in the face by running off to get married. I thought it was the most selfish thing she could've done.

Yes getting married is about you and your husband-to-be. But it is also about those closest, your nearest and dearest. Some parents might not be bothered, but some would be extremely upset.

Kina

@ Lisa

Which photographer did you book? We were thinking of having a Civil ceremony outdoors, like in Central Park and then having photos taken for an hour or two there and in a few other spots around the city. We would appreciate any tips or advice about getting married there, likewhere to go for a meal, a night out etc.

Thanks so much

artyeva

tinkerbell's reply is the reason i'm outta here

anyhoo.

good luck to the OP, and any others in this thread thinking of eloping. enjoy your day, where ever it may take place!

pwurple

Agree with sleepy and tink, eloping can hurt the people you love. You can get married very quickly in newry. You give them 4 weeks notice, and their town hall is beautiful.

Lisa_

We booked Kimberly Coccagnia - she has a great website you can have a look at. She will do as much or as little as you like and has various packages depending on budget. I don't know anything about getting married outside of the city clerks office but Central Park would be lovely!

Kina

Lisa_ wrote: »

We booked Kimberly Coccagnia - she has a great website you can have a look at. She will do as much or as little as you like and has various packages depending on budget. I don't know anything about getting married outside of the city clerks office but Central Park would be lovely!

Thanks so much, Lisa. And for all the people being negative about eloping, stop judging. What's right for one couple isn't right for another. A marriage is about two people anyway. Anyone who is considering it, don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty. Enjoy a fabulous day with the person you love.

neemish

I'm not near the marrying stage (well in age yes, but just not there!) but I agree with the OP that the thought of a large wedding would frighten the life out of me.

Are you considering a Civil Wedding as opposed to Church? If you decide that, you'll know what kind of red tape there may be in terms of giving state notice, Church notice, getting pre-nup papers done and sent in advance etc.

i have some friends who've gotten married abroad in a very simple ceremony and invited immediate family only. Actually I see it happening more and more that people opt to have about twenty people there and it's not a huge occasion, just the ceremony and a meal in a local restaurant.

Do what's right for you and your fiancee. And enjoy it! It should be a joyful day, not a source of stress for you

pwurple

There is a considerable difference between having a small wedding, and eloping. I understand not wanting a big wedding. We had a small wedding, immediate family around for a BBQ. It was lovely. Both our parents would have been gutted to have missed it. One of my best friends eloped 3years ago and her mother is still very hurt about it. It is an important day in someones life to have been snubbed from.

If you are short of money, then I don't see how spending thousands on a trip to New York for an elopment makes any financial sense. 150 euro for a civil ceremony followed by a nice meal is more reasonable.

Sleepy

artyeva wrote: »

tinkerbell's reply is the reason i'm outta here

anyhoo.

good luck to the OP, and any others in this thread thinking of eloping. enjoy your day, where ever it may take place!

Kina wrote: »

Thanks so much, Lisa. And for all the people being negative about eloping, stop judging. What's right for one couple isn't right for another. A marriage is about two people anyway. Anyone who is considering it, don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty. Enjoy a fabulous day with the person you love.

Hope I didn't come across as judgemental. I think it definitely depends on the family, clearly it wasn't an issue in artyeva's family, I know it would be in mine. I'd just check it out with parents before doing it,

Bid08

I really dont think people should judge here - every couple is different and regardless of what any one thinks its up to the couple to make the decision for them. At the end of the day you are marrying your OH not his or her family so the couple need to do what is best for them

cuilteanna

Almost twenty five years on I still regret giving in to the pressure of having a wedding for the parents. We'd both have been quite happy to elope. But I was guilted into it by my mum, who insisted that my father had ALWAYS talked about the day he would give me away. That's fine, I would have been all right with both our parents being there with us.

But NOOOOOOO, there had to be a CROWD there to SEE him give me away. We compromised on a small wedding, but I still really wish I'd had the guts to elope.

cazzak79

Thanks for all the replies
Unsure what to do although I would my parents at my wedding don't want the registry office
So maybe civil ceremony and meal after!

Sleepy

My other half didn't want the registry office either so we're getting a non-religious ceremony performed by Mary Losty of the Spiritualist Union of Ireland. Depending on your dates, the Humansit Society could be able to offer legal marriages by then too. Either option would let you determine the vows and location of the wedding yourself. Once that's sorted, numbers are entirely down to you

RickyBobby1

We are considering heading off to Florida just the two of us and getting married.Has anyone ever done this?I have not a clue where to start.Also are they any travel agents in Ireland that do wedding packages for this?

Thanks

Daisy M

I think re eloping and parents if you have any sort of a relationship with them you should let them know your plans, I don't think it would be fair to take off get married and come home and tell them. I have 3 young children and would love to be at their weddings some time in the future but if they and whom ever they chose to marry wanted to do it alone I would accept it and be glad they were married to someone they loved and who loved them. However if they took off and didnt tell me and invited friends or members of their intendeds family I would be hurt.

bobbygirl

I am eloping to the US next year also . Have never wanted the big irish wedding and am not religious in the slightest so for me it makes total sense . We will probably have a party/meal though for family and close friends at some stage afterwards though .

username123

Eloped to SA in 2009, got married in a beautiful outdoor location in the bushveld. Witnesses were the hotel catering manager and her bf (who was also the photographer), plus we had a driver. Whole thing arranged by travel agent. It was the best day of my life, wouldnt change it for the world, nothing I would have hated more than a traditional Irish wedding. I brought a dress with me. No residency requirements.

As for family, one of the reasons the elopement happened was that the mother in law kept interfering in our wedding plans, we only wanted a simple civil ceremony with a meal afterwards and perhaps 10 people, she began to invite all and sundry and making arrangements for a huge cake and decorations etc... Totally ignoring our wishes. His brother also became a little bit 'take overy' regarding things like wanting to organise a big car etc... They simply didnt get that we wanted something small, private and quiet. It got that we started dreading it instead of looking forward to it.

So off we went. My own parents were passed away so I didnt have any family to worry about and my OH was not worried about his because (a) it was our day, (b) they didnt listen to us about what we wanted anyway, (c) we had a big party when we came back so they got to celebrate with us - just not in the manner in which they had forseen.

I personally wouldnt be too concerned about upsetting family over getting married, you cant live your life to please other people. And marriage is an intensely private and personal thing imo.

We phoned home after the ceremony and told. The only people who werent happy were the mother in law and the brother in law - the same two who had been trying to control our plans. We have never told them that their behaviour was a contributing factor in the elopement!