ex and new girlfriend

LegacyUser

About a year ago i ended a controlling relationship. We were together two years and fortunately i realized what was happening before we got married. As you can imagine i was happy to be out of the relationship and managed to put it behind me pretty quickly. However, I decided to stay away from dating until i got my career sorted. He still wanted to remain friends though, which was fine...until about two weeks ago. I found out that he has a new gf and for some reason this has really effected me. its like I've just lost somebody i loved and suddenly i miss him. The thing is i know deep down I don't want him back and that we were awful together. Has anybody else had similar experiences? or have i gone mad? i don't get how i was perfectly fine the entire time and, all of a sudden, its like a tonne of bricks have hit me. thanks:)

snafuk35

anon76 wrote: »

About a year ago i ended a controlling relationship. We were together two years and fortunately i realized what was happening before we got married. As you can imagine i was happy to be out of the relationship and managed to put it behind me pretty quickly. However, I decided to stay away from dating until i got my career sorted. He still wanted to remain friends though, which was fine...until about two weeks ago. I found out that he has a new gf and for some reason this has really effected me. its like I've just lost somebody i loved and suddenly i miss him. The thing is i know deep down I don't want him back and that we were awful together. Has anybody else had similar experiences? or have i gone mad? i don't get how i was perfectly fine the entire time and, all of a sudden, its like a tonne of bricks have hit me. thanks:)

You nearly married the guy so there shouldn't be any surprise that you feel bad. But as you say the relationship was "controlling" and "awful" - he comes across as a creep - so I think you should count yourself lucky.
I think staying friends with this guy was a bad move as it still means he controls you although now indirectly.
At the same time you have stayed away from other men while focusing on your career so you are bound to feel lonely while nobody else is in your life at the moment.
Was staying away from men less about your career and more about punishing yourself or avoiding reality?
Ask yourself why you allowed yourself to be controlled by this man and why he still has a hold over you? Show more backbone and move on with your life.

ash23

The fact of it is that time makes things hazy. You know what happened with him, that the relationship was doomed and that you were right to end it. But time blurs the memories. And now that he has someone else who wants him, you are probably doubting your choice a little bit. Like if he was so bad, why would someone else want him? And how did he end up being the first to get into a relationship if he was the "bad" one in the relationship?

But you know deep down what really happened and that you are better off without him and that you made the right decision. You also chose to be single. But truthfully, this is why I don't stay in touch with exs. It brings up conflicting emotions when you see them moving on or changing.

I'd take a step back from him. You don't really need him as a friend and you don't need to be constantly reminded of the disappointing end to your relationship.

Lorna123

You probably just felt in the back of your mind OP that because you ended it you could have had him back anytime if you changed your mind. Now that chance has been taken away from you so you feel a little bit insecure right now because you don't have anyone. That's all it is, don't dwell on it.

LegacyUser

i wasn't punishing myself. i was just busy..i found out what i wanted in life and worked hard to get there:) ash&lorna- i think you might be right. I'm going to cut all contact with him.. he's not worth the hassle. i guess it all just came as a shock cause i was so convinced that i didn't have any feelings left for him other than a very basic friendship.

uch

It's probably that "One more time" syndrome where some people like to sample the goods one more time before being sure about the situation, just let it go as it sounds like you got out in time anyway