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15 year old wants to move in with her 2 week boyfriend

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  • 17-07-2012 10:27am
    #1
    jjll
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭


    didnt go bed til 5am this morning after speaking to my daughter she wants to move in with him and his family. She doesnt love him she likes him. My wife and i stopped the relationship as he does drink and drugs and really dont want her involved in it. Tried to sit her down to talk to her about it and she is adamant she wants to go with him any ideas what to do people??


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    #2
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    I'd be inclined to say no, particularly if he does drugs. But you can't keep youngsters from doing all kind of stupid stuff, it's how they learn.

    Are his parents ok with her staying over sometimes? If so a compromise is probably best since if you say no she'll just think you are trying to control her (which of course you are, and should).

    How about she gets to stay over 2 nights/week over there? And he stays over 2 nights at your house? This way you can still keep an eye on things.


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    #3
    chubchub
    Registered Users Posts: 46 ✭chubchub


    She is 15 she might not like it but you can legally stop her moving at the moment. I understand the logic that it will push them towards him or she won't like it. At the end of the day tho, if anything happens her in his house I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if its my daughter. Yes she will hate you but that's what being a parent is to ensure her safety at all cots. This mam is bad news and some day she'll thank you for this. Tell her if she lives with him you will report him for statuary rape. The law is there for a reason


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    #4
    jjll
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭jjll


    biko wrote: »
    I'd be inclined to say no, particularly if he does drugs. But you can't keep youngsters from doing all kind of stupid stuff, it's how they learn.

    Are his parents ok with her staying over sometimes? If so a compromise is probably best since if you say no she'll just think you are trying to control her (which of course you are, and should).

    How about she gets to stay over 2 nights/week over there? And he stays over 2 nights at your house? This way you can still keep an eye on things.


    that wont be happening i have other kids as well as a 2 year old... I had a massive argument with his mum about this and there is verbal abuse been given to my other kids by ones of his family. i spoke to her last night said you can go out with anyone else in the world but him


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    #5
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    How old is this guy, 15 as well?

    Kids that age have many many boyfriends/girlfriends - she will leave him and probably soon if she doesn't even love him.


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    #6
    LadyMayBelle
    Registered Users Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭LadyMayBelle


    How old is he?

    To be fair OP, you're the parent. Foot down if you do not want her living with him, the reasons seem clear. Ask her why she wants to move out of your home so badly, and are there things ye and her can do to make home a bit easier for her until she is old enough to move out.


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    #7
    Daisy M
    Registered Users Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭Daisy M


    There is no way in hell I would allow my 15 year old to move in with someone. I take it that the boys mother is allowing this, does she expect money from you for your daughters upkeep, how does your daughter think she will survive does she expect you to take care of all her needs?

    Would you compromise on allowing your daughter to date this lad but not move in? I can understand this would be extremely difficult but maybe its a case that forbidden fruit tastes sweeter?


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    #8
    Unregistered.
    Registered Users Posts: 3,532 ✭✭✭Unregistered.


    This is madness! She's 15 - if she doesn't hate you then you're doing something wrong. Foot down OP.


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    #9
    The Princess Bride
    Registered Users Posts: 18,587 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    As much as I want to tell you to put your foot down,sometimes ,that's easier said than done with teenagers.
    She needs to see his true colours herself.

    Although you think you did the right thing by stopping the relationship,in fact,this is probably the reason why she now wants to move in with him.
    By telling her she can go out with anybody but him,she now wants to push harder to stay going out with him. She is 15- not an adult,therefore, will not be able to understand your reasoning.

    Perhaps (as difficult as this will be) tell her she can "date" him in your house for the present, and hopefully she will see the light.
    Obviously,the moving in business is absolute nonsense.

    I actually asked my 15 year old daughter's opinion on this one.
    TBH,they change their boyfriends so often at home here,that I can't keep up.
    Believe me,it's easier to keep her on your side,than have her as the enemy.


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    #10
    jjll
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,200 ✭✭✭jjll


    had a chat with her yesterday morning and we agreed they be friends thats all... seemingly the offer came from his mum to let her move in with him which i nipped in bud quickly.. I asked her have you gone on date with the boy (he is 15 also) she said no never been on her own with him.. asked her the questions which most parents ask what does he like??? What does he want to do in life??? i got a great reply from her which was he has been expelled from every school he been too...
    She is at her nans at moment but before she went her friend called for her to pass on message and to talk her out of going to her nans just seems she been brain washed by her friends.... We took her phone off her 3 days ago but when we cleaned up her room we found a phone under her mattress that was given to her to keep incontact with her friends.... THOUGHT I KNEW MY DAUGHTER


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    #11
    LadyMayBelle
    Registered Users Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭LadyMayBelle


    jjll wrote: »
    had a chat with her yesterday morning and we agreed they be friends thats all... seemingly the offer came from his mum to let her move in with him which i nipped in bud quickly.. I asked her have you gone on date with the boy (he is 15 also) she said no never been on her own with him.. asked her the questions which most parents ask what does he like??? What does he want to do in life??? i got a great reply from her which was he has been expelled from every school he been too...
    She is at her nans at moment but before she went her friend called for her to pass on message and to talk her out of going to her nans just seems she been brain washed by her friends.... We took her phone off her 3 days ago but when we cleaned up her room we found a phone under her mattress that was given to her to keep incontact with her friends.... THOUGHT I KNEW MY DAUGHTER

    She's 15. Chances are you (and no offence here!!) are the last person in the world she wants to talk to about boys. At 15, friends are her life, and family come second.My advice to you would be to a)put the foot down and not allow her to stay with him, which it sounds like youve done, b) get on her board with you on how to make home a bit easier and c) try not to be too inquisitive with tonnes of questions. You can start by just suggesting ye spend time together, be it an hour a week , or 30mins every few days. Doing what she wants. She may scoff and huff, but put it to her that you want to spend that time with her, and wont be asking all the questions she is worried you are gonna ask, just be with her, and activley listen. By starting something like this weekly, you are working on the relationship between you too, and dont expect miracles; put yourself in her head for a while, because cognitively she cant get inside yours just yet.

    Good luck, never ever easy but worth it in the long run x


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