Can I say something?

dodderangler

Hi folks
Well prob starts with the gf
Been together 4 years and have gorgeous little girl together and tho we don't live together everything was great till her job began to change!
New managers came along! And now I'm fed up with it
I am currently unemployed and my search continues for a job but in the mean time she is working ridiculous hours startin at 10 in morning and will be rostered in till half 6 and her shop will close at 6 but she's kept back cleaning with others till 8:30 sometimes and she won't tell them that she has to go home as she's terrified she will be let go
Also she is only one in the hole shop that has a child surely they have to take that into consideration
They also ring her first when someone calls in sick and she folds cuz she is afraid of saying no when I could have something planned for her day off and then she's too tired to do anything after work and goes home to bed with the baby
I really want to say something to her manager but I'm afraid of the outcome
I'm really startin to miss her
Also she was in work till 10 last night and was back in work at 6 this morning pretty sure that's illegal
Any help welcome
Thanks

Piliger

Sounds to me like she is a hard working girl who wants the best for her child. I think you should get out and search harder for a job and you won't her hours such a problem. She is right to work long and hard. She needs the job and these days you have to put in those extra hours or someone else will.

dodderangler

Piliger wrote: »

Sounds to me like she is a hard working girl who wants the best for her child. I think you should get out and search harder for a job and you won't her hours such a problem. She is right to work long and hard. She needs the job and these days you have to put in those extra hours or someone else will.

She doesn't want to work these hours as I said she thinks if she turns the hours down she'd be treated different or fired And she doesn't want me to say anything as she thinks same will come out of it

Beetlebum

Don't say a word to her boss!! I can't believe you're even contemplating doing that. You have no place speaking to her boss. If she wants to work less hours then she needs to speak to the boss herself. She can't just live in fear of losing her job if it's making her unhappy.

But you need to stay out of it. You actually sound quite selfish tbh.

dodderangler

Beetlebum wrote: »

Don't say a word to her boss!! I can't believe you're even contemplating doing that. You have no place speaking to her boss. If she wants to work less hours then she needs to speak to the boss herself. She can't just live in fear of losing her job if it's making her unhappy.

But you need to stay out of it. You actually sound quite selfish tbh.

I'm selfish because I want my family back are you takin the piss
She is barely seeing our daughter aswell cuz of this job
How many relationships break up over the partner workin too much
I know a few and I don't want it happening to me

Beetlebum

Doesn't she have a contract? I don't get why she can't just speak to her boss.
Why doesn't she explain to him that she has a child etc and needs to cut back her hours. If he lets her go because of that then he'd be very unreasonable. She should talk to him but you going to her shop talking to her boss is ridiculous. You don't work there and it would be a really bad move. I think you're mad for even contemplating that.

And yes I do think you sound selfish. Get yourself a job too.

dodderangler

It's so easy to say go get a job
I've been out there an tried I was made redundant not to long ago so it's not like I don't want one cuz I do and I have been around dropping cvs
But that's totally off topic anyway
I asked a question to see what advice I could get
If I wanted smart answers I would've asked

CarMe

I presume you're minding your child while she's in work? If so maybe she can afford to work slightly less hours but that's her decision, absolutely do not speak to her boss on her behalf.
In all honesty I think fairplay to her working hard to support your child on her own.

Beetlebum

I know how difficult job hunting can be and I'm sorry if I came across as b*tchy. I honestly do know how disheartening it is. I was out of work for a few months too and it really affected me.

Back on topic though, tell your gf to speak with her boss. I'm sure he could cut her hours back even just a little. It's not a bad request on her part. All she can do is ask and hope for the best.

CommanderC

dodderangler wrote: »

Hi folks
Well prob starts with the gf
Been together 4 years and have gorgeous little girl together and tho we don't live together everything was great till her job began to change!
New managers came along! And now I'm fed up with it
I am currently unemployed and my search continues for a job but in the mean time she is working ridiculous hours startin at 10 in morning and will be rostered in till half 6 and her shop will close at 6 but she's kept back cleaning with others till 8:30 sometimes and she won't tell them that she has to go home as she's terrified she will be let go
Also she is only one in the hole shop that has a child surely they have to take that into consideration
They also ring her first when someone calls in sick and she folds cuz she is afraid of saying no when I could have something planned for her day off and then she's too tired to do anything after work and goes home to bed with the baby
I really want to say something to her manager but I'm afraid of the outcome
I'm really startin to miss her
Also she was in work till 10 last night and was back in work at 6 this morning pretty sure that's illegal
Any help welcome
Thanks

You are right to be afraid of the outcome. Do not interfere in her workplace. It will make her seem really unprofessional and just plain weird. She needs to sit down with her manager and explain her situation. Do this first.

LegacyUser

Does she have a contract? And if yes what does her contract say regarding hours? Is she getting paid for the extra hours they are kept back after the shop closes? I don't see why she should get special treatment because she has a child and others don't. She's not a single parent with a child in creche, you are currently there for child care fulltime, when that situation changes then you would both need to look your child care situation.

Don't go speak to her manager, if they are in any way professional they won't speak to you on the matter as you are not employed by them and they shouldn't be discussing anything related to an employee with you. On top of that I can't your wife being overly impressed. I understand she's not happy with the set up but she needs to speak up not you. Speak to your wife and maybe have her speak to someone at SPITU so she knows were she stands legally.

Taltos

OP - either respond in a civil manner or don't respond. If we see more aggressive responses as above you will force us to either close the thread summarily and/or issue you with a warning/infraction/ban.

You have asked for advice - you don't necessarily have to like it but please respect that people here have taken time out of their own lives to try to help you with your issue. Also please watch your language cursing is not welcome here and is also against our rules.

Beetlebum - you made your point no need to be so heavy handed. Please do note though as per our charter we expect all advice to be constructive - telling the OP he sounds selfish is hardly that, once maybe but repeating it is just not on and hardly helps the OP.

Thanks
Taltos

iguana

First off you are not being selfish, you are being concerned. However, secondly, and most importantly do not under any circumstances speak to her boss. As upsetting or frustrating as you may be finding it to know how upset she is, she is an adult and it is only her place to sort this out. Does her workplace have a union? If they do that should be her first port of call. Yes there is a very good chance that her employers are in breach of employment law and they could confirm that for her and help her sort it out. If she doesn't have a union what you could do is research her legal position and what her options are but do not pressure her into doing anything. She is caught between a rock and a hard place and all you can do is support her, if you try to pressure her you will make her feel worse not help her.

Lorna123

dodderangler wrote: »

Hi folks
Well prob starts with the gf
Been together 4 years and have gorgeous little girl together and tho we don't live together everything was great till her job began to change!
New managers came along! And now I'm fed up with it
I am currently unemployed and my search continues for a job but in the mean time she is working ridiculous hours startin at 10 in morning and will be rostered in till half 6 and her shop will close at 6 but she's kept back cleaning with others till 8:30 sometimes and she won't tell them that she has to go home as she's terrified she will be let go
Also she is only one in the hole shop that has a child surely they have to take that into consideration
They also ring her first when someone calls in sick and she folds cuz she is afraid of saying no when I could have something planned for her day off and then she's too tired to do anything after work and goes home to bed with the baby
I really want to say something to her manager but I'm afraid of the outcome
I'm really startin to miss her
Also she was in work till 10 last night and was back in work at 6 this morning pretty sure that's illegal
Any help welcome
Thanks

I agree with you OP, her hours are very long. Coming home at 8.30 and then starting the next day at 6.00 a.m. is a bit much, and far from being selfish you are the opposite, concerned that she is being overworked and taken advantage of. Hopefully these long hours won't last. Nobody minds helping out the odd time when people are stuck but always being the scapegoat is a lot to have to put up with. Maybe she could get another job. I know that jobs are scarce but hopefully the situation will improve. I wish I could help you more but short of her getting a new job I can't think of anything else.

dodderangler

CarMe wrote: »

I presume you're minding your child while she's in work? If so maybe she can afford to work slightly less hours but that's her decision, absolutely do not speak to her boss on her behalf.
In all honesty I think fairplay to her working hard to support your child on her own.

Just because I am on the dole doesn't mean I am not supporting my child
I am supporting her im with her everyday and I love being with her and I am spending money on her everyday as us my other half I'm never left without money I don't drink anymore as can't afford it but money isn't the problem here
The problem is we are not seein her as much as we should and it's getting to me big time
I'm missing her more and more everyday and I drop into her job everyday to say hi with the baby but I think what her job is doing is totally unfair and it's not right
I have talked to her but she is afraid to say no to get job and as I said surely with her being the only one with a child that has to be brought into consideration
I appreciate the advice but I seem to be coming across as selfish when I'm only thinkin of my family here
I don't want a family torn apart over her job

iguana

Unless she needs to take force majeure leave or is expressing breast milk then no having a child certainly doesn't entitle her to different hours from her colleagues. The issue is that the hours she is currently being told to work most probably are in breach of employment law. It's not that hard to find out the specifics of that, maybe start a thread on the work and jobs board as you can't get legal advice in PI.

But all you can do is provide the information that she can use when and if she feels ready to stand up for herself. Don't push her, just make sure she feels supported.

CarMe

dodderangler wrote: »

CarMe wrote: »

I presume you're minding your child while she's in work? If so maybe she can afford to work slightly less hours but that's her decision, absolutely do not speak to her boss on her behalf.
In all honesty I think fairplay to her working hard to support your child on her own.

Just because I am on the dole doesn't mean I am not supporting my child
I am supporting her im with her everyday and I love being with her and I am spending money on her everyday as us my other half I'm never left without money I don't drink anymore as can't afford it but money isn't the problem here
The problem is we are not seein her as much as we should and it's getting to me big time
I'm missing her more and more everyday and I drop into her job everyday to say hi with the baby but I think what her job is doing is totally unfair and it's not right
I have talked to her but she is afraid to say no to get job and as I said surely with her being the only one with a child that has to be brought into consideration
I appreciate the advice but I seem to be coming across as selfish when I'm only thinkin of my family here
I don't want a family torn apart over her job

No i totally understand your situation, Im a working mother and at the moment my Oh is also unemployed but looks after our daughter every day and very may. To be honest i couldn't ask for better care for her but you need to understand it from her side, there's a lot of guilt that comes with being a working mother especially when working funny hours. When i went back to work i was on national shifts and sometimes finishing at 9pm, it killed me not seeing my daughter in the evenings, eventually i got it sorted- not because i have a child mind but because i made other sacrifices such as seducing my hours by one day-the company is struggling financially- and working every second Saturday. My partner was totally supportive all the time and i think i would have cracked up if he was having a go about my hours and how much time i spend with my daughter when i was doing my best to support her, put a roof over her head and food in her belly.
Just understand how much stress she's probably under at the moment and i know you want to relieve her stress but please ensure that by trying to do that, you're not adding to it.

CarMe

Just saw all my spelling errors eek sorry- Im on my touch phone!

tbh

im not being funny, but maybe her work think - new baby, partner on the dole, she must need every hour we can throw her way? as in, maybe they think they are doing her a favour? whatever happens, dont for gods sake talk to her work.

Sounds to me like the poor womans working hard as hell to try and support 3 people. If you went and got even a part time job it would take some of the pressure off.
No wonder shes petrified to make waves at work. And if you call in everyday, is it during her break or are you disrupting her work? She needs the job to look after you. Shes flexible, hard working and reliable so no reason shes not working her way towards a promotion. Working your ass off is the best way to move up the ladder and you going in, spouting off, like some 16 year olds dad is not going to help the situation.
Put your focus on looking after the kid, looking for work and helping her destress when she gets home instead of winding her up with your crazy ideas

dodderangler

geeby wrote: »

Sounds to me like the poor womans working hard as hell to try and support 3 people. If you went and got even a part time job it would take some of the pressure off.
No wonder shes petrified to make waves at work. And if you call in everyday, is it during her break or are you disrupting her work? She needs the job to look after you. Shes flexible, hard working and reliable so no reason shes not working her way towards a promotion. Working your ass off is the best way to move up the ladder and you going in, spouting off, like some 16 year olds dad is not going to help the situation.
Put your focus on looking after the kid, looking for work and helping her destress when she gets home instead of winding her up with your crazy ideas

Love the way you said she's supporting 3 people
Do me a favour please read through the other posts that I put up we do not live together and she is not supporting me either
I am supporting the child and myself and she is supporting herself and the child we both put an equal amount in every week for the baby but fact is her job is bullying her she's workin shifts she shouldn't be working
Finishing at half 10 or 11 and back in at 6 or 8 which is illegal
Also she is not lookin for a promotion either as she will be leavin in next few months as we are both going back to college
Point of my thread was to ask can I do something bout it because she won't do it because she is scared
Again she is not supporting me either!
I told you all that before and if it keeps carrying on with people like you not readin the previous posts and makin another ridiculous post I will just ask for this thread to be closed as only one or two have been helpfull

Big Bag of Chips

OP... NO - you can't go in and say something to her boss.
But she can say No. If she is the first one rang if someone is out, then she is proving herself to be reliable (and that is why the contact her first)

Because she has now proven herself to be reliable she isnow in a good position to start saying no! She can always say no, or she can say that she is available to do until a certain time, but after that she has to leave. That gives them time to phone one of the others who work there.

She needs to build up her own confidence. She fears she will be sacked... but is it a genuine fear, or is it just in her head? Does she know of others who were sacked from the job because occassionally they refused extra hours?

You can encourage her to improve her confidence. Some people are good at standing up for themselves, some aren't.. but you can't do this one for her.

Edit: Maybe you should cut down on visiting her work place everyday too. You sound very frustrated with the situation, and I'm guessing that you're demeanor when you go in might reflect that? Does she seem uncomfortable when you are there? Occassional visiting mightn't be bad, but not every day.

dodderangler

I go up to her job everyday because she is always grumpy in work and seein me and me 2half year old little girl wAlk in always bring big smile on her face and even other girls in her job do love seein me little one run in I never stay long just always makes her happy and something for her to look forward to when she comes home

Lorna123

Well at least you are both going back to college in September, so that's something. Some of these large organizations and I know one in particular which I am not going to name here treat their staff like dirt, and really take advantage but they are not particulary worried whether you stay or go so they will not favour anyone. They will use whoever allows themselves to be used, a rotten management and I have a feeling we are talking about the same company. There is probably nothing you can do in this case but just be thankful this is not a permanent job for your g/f. In this particular company people come and go all the time and there is little opportunity for promotion. I worked there myself and had to leave after a month due to being thoroughly exploited and if this isn't the same company we are talking about then it sounds like a similar one. They don't listen to complaints and just more or less say "if you don't like it you know what to do".

It is not a nice scenario for both of you to spend the Summer months like this, but it is not forever, so concentrate on September if you can. You are doing a great job looking after your daughter so keep up the good work.

LittleBook

dodderangler wrote: »

she is not lookin for a promotion either as she will be leavin in next few months as we are both going back to college

OP, I think you need to relax a little. Your family is not going to be "torn apart over her job". It seems that she needs to work as many hours as she can get to get money together before she goes back to college in a couple of months.

Finishing at half 10 or 11 and back in at 6 or 8 is NOT necessarily illegal .

Of course she's grumpy in work and tired, but it's a temporary situation for a couple more months. Just do what you can to support her in the meantime, your over-dramatic attitude will not help her.

Neyite

I'm going to preface this by saying that I've a new baby too (9 weeks old), I'm on maternity leave, so currently caring for him full time, while my partner works long hours, so we are in a similar situation with regards to family time.

We are lucky that my partner works very close to home and is able to come home for lunch, so I generally prepare his lunch so he can spend a few minutes playing with our son. He finds that he misses him at work, and only last night we were talking about the baby, and how I can now understand which is a hungry/ tired/ windy cry and he doesnt yet, simply because I'm around the baby more.

I think lots of employers are taking advantage of the recession and playing on the fear people have that their job might be on the line, using it to push people into working longer, taking pay cuts, taking cuts in other benefits, and this is impacting on family life. My company has had 40% redundancies, and staff are expected to work until whenever at very short notice, and lots have young families. Unfortunately for you all OP, your partner is not entitled to be treated differently to her colleagues because she has a baby. Others may have a sick parent, or sick partner. Thats life I'm afraid.

Its also a very bad idea for you to say something to her manager. To look at it another way, how would you feel if she docked up to work to have "a quiet word" with your boss? You'd feel embarassed, undermined, and that the boss now has an impression of you that you cant stand up for yourself. Your colleagues might even think you are "under the thumb" or "henpecked". Its no different for a woman.

What you can do, is encourage her to be more assertive on her own - but if her colleagues are in the same situation and dont feel that they can say no either then dont be too hard on your girlfriend. Bring the baby and meet for lunch. Its only for another couple of months. She is up against a pushy boss. Dont have her having to be up against an unhappy partner at home too.

If she is worried about less money coming in, reassure her that you both will manage and explain to her how you would help make that happen. Whatever you do, you need to reassure her that your little family will be fine during this rough patch, that you both will be fine as a couple, because as well as stress from work, she has to be missing your child badly, and wishing you both had more couple time.

ibarelycare

OP you keep saying that your girlfriend won't talk to her boss, well what more is there to do in this situation? If she is working illegal hours then she needs to look up the legislation and present it to her boss. If she feels she can't handle the amount of hours then she should speak to her boss civilly and professional about it. There is literally no one else who can change this situation except her, and if she's not willing to stand up for herself then it's not going to change.

squonk

OP, you're both going back to college soon which is presumably Sept or October. It's now mid July so only another 6-10 weeks of this anyway. What's your problem? I mean, if she was stuck in the job indefinitely (as I initially expected on reading the thread) it'd be a problem but she's leaving soon for education so suck it up for a few weeks will you? To my mind it looks like making a mountain out of a mole hill.