Advice needed about a guy

pixie80

Last year I spent a lot of time in London. I had been planning to move there permanently this September to study. Anyway something unexpected happened with a guy I have known for years (and liked). He asked me out and so we went out a few times. It turned out he has always had feelings for me too. In hindsight I wish I had never gone home and had moved to London immediately but I had work commitments at home and I wanted to save for uni etc so nothing serious ever developed with him. I thought that I would get a chance when September came round.

So the thing is my plans for study didn’t go as planned and I didn’t get the course I wanted in London but had a safe option (Plan to do it in Scotland. I got this course and it starts in Sept. The only thing is I not sure my heart is really in it anymore because I really wanted to explore what I might have had with this guy. I’m 32 and have put off relationships for so long because I wanted to travel and enjoy my life. The thing is I think I might actually love this guy as I’ve never felt this way about a guy. It’s never been this hard to walk away and I regret having done it already. I have a real fear of being miserable in Scotland because I seriously believe I left my heart in London. I could easily give it all up if I thought I had a chance with him.

I really want to go back to London. I could probably get a job in London in the field I’m already in, I’ve looked into it but I'm trying to leave that area so that would be taking a step back too. At the same time I not sure I want to put off studying either and it’s for 18 months.

I don’t expect him to wait around for me either. I do feel it’s now or never. I just wish he knew how I felt as I have never spoken about any of this. He probably thinks I was never really interested to begin with, only I have been very cautious with revealing how I truly feel. How can I go to Scotland when I feel this way? I’ve been considering going over to London for a weekend just to speak with him and seeing if the feelings are still there or to see if he’s moved on. I always want to text him or ring him but haven’t because I don’t want to lead him on or for fear he doesn’t want to know me. If he has moved on then maybe I can too. I need to meet him face to face, but I’m also extremely shy so not sure if I have the courage to do this. I’ll really be putting myself out there and of course there is always the fear of rejection. Does this sound crazy? I feel I need to at least try.

Either way I’m going to have regrets. I’ll always regret not telling him how I feel. I may regret picking this course over him. I might regret picking him over the course but i can apply for the course next year. I’d rather be rejected and go to Scotland without regrets. Has anyone else been through something similar? I’m going slowly mad here trying to figure this out in my head. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks for reading.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

snafuk35

pixie80 wrote: »

Last year I spent a lot of time in London. I had been planning to move there permanently this September to study. Anyway something unexpected happened with a guy I have known for years (and liked). He asked me out and so we went out a few times. It turned out he has always had feelings for me too. In hindsight I wish I had never gone home and had moved to London immediately but I had work commitments at home and I wanted to save for uni etc so nothing serious ever developed with him. I thought that I would get a chance when September came round.

So the thing is my plans for study didn’t go as planned and I didn’t get the course I wanted in London but had a safe option (Plan to do it in Scotland. I got this course and it starts in Sept. The only thing is I not sure my heart is really in it anymore because I really wanted to explore what I might have had with this guy. I’m 32 and have put off relationships for so long because I wanted to travel and enjoy my life. The thing is I think I might actually love this guy as I’ve never felt this way about a guy. It’s never been this hard to walk away and I regret having done it already. I have a real fear of being miserable in Scotland because I seriously believe I left my heart in London. I could easily give it all up if I thought I had a chance with him.

I really want to go back to London. I could probably get a job in London in the field I’m already in, I’ve looked into it but I'm trying to leave that area so that would be taking a step back too. At the same time I not sure I want to put off studying either and it’s for 18 months.

I don’t expect him to wait around for me either. I do feel it’s now or never. I just wish he knew how I felt as I have never spoken about any of this. He probably thinks I was never really interested to begin with, only I have been very cautious with revealing how I truly feel. How can I go to Scotland when I feel this way? I’ve been considering going over to London for a weekend just to speak with him and seeing if the feelings are still there or to see if he’s moved on. I always want to text him or ring him but haven’t because I don’t want to lead him on or for fear he doesn’t want to know me. If he has moved on then maybe I can too. I need to meet him face to face, but I’m also extremely shy so not sure if I have the courage to do this. I’ll really be putting myself out there and of course there is always the fear of rejection. Does this sound crazy? I feel I need to at least try.

Either way I’m going to have regrets. I’ll always regret not telling him how I feel. I may regret picking this course over him. I might regret picking him over the course but i can apply for the course next year. I’d rather be rejected and go to Scotland without regrets. Has anyone else been through something similar? I’m going slowly mad here trying to figure this out in my head. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks for reading.

If you think you love him then you need to tell him because that is the only way you are going to ever find out of you both have a future.
If you don't do anything about it now or put it on the long finger then the opportunity will pass and that will be that.
You can't have it both ways.
You have to do something about it NOW or forget about it.
You're call.
You have basically answered the question yourself OP.
Decide now.
Right or wong.

pixie80

Thank you for replys. I'm still not sure what means more to me and am constantly changing my mind. The thing is I'm not 100% sure that this course is actually what I want but like every thing else in life, I won't know unless I try.

At 32 I do want to settle down, marriage kids etc and doing this course delays all that. Thats why I feel its now or never, I'm afraid he'll meet someone else and its taken me forever to admit I have feelings for him.

I don't know where I'm going to find the courage to do this. I am really shy but i know its what I want even if it doesn't last forever. Also I finish work in a few weeks and well everyone obviously has been wishing me well with going to Scotland etc and I feel it would be really odd if I didn't go now when its all I've been talking about these last 6 months. I haven't spoken about him at all not since i first left, those feelings I've kept to myself.

If I go to London I don't want people to know that I went for a guy in case it doesn't go to plan. I know this isn't a Hollywood movie, but how do I go about this??

Oryx

Youre 32. Youre not a kid and neither is he. So be direct. Tell him how you feel. Risk rejection and risk looking foolish. Otherwise you waste more time dithering and wondering. Just do it.

Your situation has more than one solution. So take this first step and phone the guy. Then you'll know enough to make your next move. Even if he wants to see you and begin something, you can still do your course. Which i think you should. You will be on the same island these things are doable. If, on the other hand, he has moved on, then you begin your course with a clean slate and no regrets that you didn't at least try.

Mighty_Mouse

In a world of Ryanair, Scotland London is not exactly unworkable for 18months.
Especially if ye both like each other.

snafuk35

pixie80 wrote: »

Thank you for replys. I'm still not sure what means more to me and am constantly changing my mind. The thing is I'm not 100% sure that this course is actually what I want but like every thing else in life, I won't know unless I try.

Stay at home then and wrap yourself in cotton wool or else take a chance.

At 32 I do want to settle down, marriage kids etc and doing this course delays all that. Thats why I feel its now or never, I'm afraid he'll meet someone else and its taken me forever to admit I have feelings for him.

If he is serious about you he still won't wait forever.

I don't know where I'm going to find the courage to do this.

Courage is doing what you have to do even though you are scared.

I am really shy but i know its what I want even if it doesn't last forever.

There you go. The decision is made for you then.

Also I finish work in a few weeks and well everyone obviously has been wishing me well with going to Scotland etc and I feel it would be really odd if I didn't go now when its all I've been talking about these last 6 months.

Do what you want to do. What do you want more? You have to make a choice and everyone can go hang.

I haven't spoken about him at all not since i first left, those feelings I've kept to myself.

Well that's just too bad isn't it?

If I go to London I don't want people to know that I went for a guy in case it doesn't go to plan.

Why do you care what they think?

I know this isn't a Hollywood movie, but how do I go about this??

Make it up as you go and take a chance.