Am I doing the wrong thing?

1ZRed

I've was "with" this New Zealander for a while and then he went back to Auckland. At the time it wasn't anything solid or substantial just having a good time but we really clicked. Thing is, we started texting flat out and he started to become mad after me and I helped him through some things so we grew quite close through text (if that sounds stupid) He gets pissed off if I'm with other guys even though we're nothing to each other relationship wise but I feel bad so I've more or less stopped. Now I realise I really like this guy but he's half way around the fucking world so I'm thinking this is stupid and unrealistic.

He says he's coming around again and looking forward to it a lot but it could be as late as next July so what are we supposed to do? stay texting and waiting around. That's what I see as unrealistic. I made the point that I'm thinking of going to Brisbane for a year but I could tell in his text he was a bit disappointed because "you'll meet someone amazing there, and I'll still be here (In Auckland)." even If we meet up there. I think he was really looking forward to meeting up with me in Ireland and I told him I'll show him around this time, even as friends if we got boyfriends. (He wasn't keen on the boyfriend thing though)
He says I'm perfect boyfriend material and one night while drunk he got pissed off at the situation because I'm here and he's there and more stuff on top off that. (I'll go into it more if you want)
Now when he talks like that I tell him he's stupid because once I get feelings for a guy he's the only one in my sight which, as of now that I've realised that, is true and no other guy will do.

So am I doing the wrong thing? Texting and keeping things up when he's now far way. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I like what's going on with us but I think it's unfair on him to make him feel good but bad at the same time because of the whole situation. Looking in from the outside I would know what to do but this the first time I've felt like this about a man and I'll admit it, I really like him back and I think I'll even be hurt if things don't end up well.

Butterface

Well if it's not even serious then why put your life on hold for this guy, especially since he's the other side of the globe. It sounds like a crush imo, the whole texting thing can really make your feelings for somebody grow. It's hard to know whether that's real at this stage. From your previous posts, I see you're only 18ish right? I wouldn't stop going out having fun with other people just because you like a guy that lives in Australia who you may or may not see again!

Dwn Wth Vwls

It's really easy to get carried away when you're only talking with someone by text. Your imagination twists everything to make it seem like they're the perfect person. It's also really easy to get carried away when you're young and haven't experienced these feelings before. You can fall in love with the idea of a relationship, rather than the person.

It also sounds like he's a bit obsessed and not dealing with it very well. If you helped him through something, that could be clouding his feelings for you. If it was a healthy situation, he'd be happy that you were happy, even if you weren't with him. Instead he's jealous and annoyed and trying to control you and emotionally blackmail you perhaps.

Can you at least start video calling on skype so that you get more of an in-person experience than texting?

Aurongroove

I think skype is a good idea.
find out what the story is.

1ZRed

Butterface wrote: »

Well if it's not even serious then why put your life on hold for this guy, especially since he's the other side of the globe. It sounds like a crush imo, the whole texting thing can really make your feelings for somebody grow. It's hard to know whether that's real at this stage. From your previous posts, I see you're only 18ish right? I wouldn't stop going out having fun with other people just because you like a guy that lives in Australia who you may or may not see again!

I'm not stopping myself from having fun or going out its just that I've lost interest in meeting other guys and I feel guilty for doing something bad. I know quite stupid for someone who's half way around the world.

Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »

It's really easy to get carried away when you're only talking with someone by text. Your imagination twists everything to make it seem like they're the perfect person. It's also really easy to get carried away when you're young and haven't experienced these feelings before. You can fall in love with the idea of a relationship, rather than the person.

It also sounds like he's a bit obsessed and not dealing with it very well. If you helped him through something, that could be clouding his feelings for you. If it was a healthy situation, he'd be happy that you were happy, even if you weren't with him. Instead he's jealous and annoyed and trying to control you and emotionally blackmail you perhaps.

Can you at least start video calling on skype so that you get more of an in-person experience than texting?

Yeah I understand that but I've had these feelings before but just for girls. This is slightly different though and quite new considering it's a guy.

He's said it before that he really likes me and that was before I helped him through some stuff. I think he only gets annoyed because "I'm so perfect" in his eyes but I'm far away so he told me to give up and forget about him at one point while drunk.

I can see he's mad after me but he's a great guy and I knew that when I was with him here before he left. It's not just that he's also a great looking guy but I actually care about him regardless of that.

I know he would be happy for me with whatever I decided to do and has stated it but he's said it before that he has no interest in committed guys. That's understandable because that's what he wants from me I think. Maybe he just doesn't want to waste his time with anything else? It did kind of feel like black mail though and I don't jump through anybody's hoops so it annoyed me when he did it.

We will have to video call each other. I'm surprised we haven't done it before but he is 11 hours ahead so it's a bit awkward to nail down a time. Trust me to find a guy in the furthest possible timezone:rolleyes:

Edit, he is a few years older than me if that's anything.

1ZRed

The more I'm looking at this the more stupid it seems to me. I'm not going to be hung up on him for a year or whenever we meet. Best to leave things the way they are and do what we like and when we meet and when it's a possiblity, something might come of it.

For now though I think I'll just leave things as friends.