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Issues in my relationship

  • 14-07-2012 10:59pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    I'm having a major issues in my relationship at present.

    Basically what's happening is that my gf will constantly bicker about the smallest things and she refuses to accept that she can be wrong. She would get something in her head and then she will refuse to believe otherwise, she is determined to be right.

    Example: we were heading to get food with a friend and we were messing about where my mate would hop into the front and call shotgun, my gf refused to get into the back and demanded to be let into the front of the car, when she didn't get her way she stormed off and refused to come to dinner with us.
    She then claimed that he was treating her like a child by laughing at the situation not letting her into the front and generally make fun of the whole situation.

    She now doesn't like my friend because of this and will not admit that it was a bit of a laugh. If I try and convince her but now I'm taking his side even though I've seen both sides of it.

    Stuff like that happens on a weekly basis and she acts like a spoilt child when she doesn't get her way. It's starting to wear on me and it's pushing me away from her every time she does this.

    What can I do? I don't want to break up over this but this stresses me out to no end as I feel I can't even talk to get about anything anymore without this drama.

    Does anyone have any advice?


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,782 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    IMO she is unlike to change.

    Maybe you can sit down and discuss with her the pattern of behaviour and tell her how you feel about it. If your relationship is important enough to her she may be willing to address it.


    But there is a good chance she cant or wont change and you will just have to decide if this issue is a dealbreaker for you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 965 ✭✭✭johnr1


    How old is she?
    She complains at being treated like a child when she acts like one ?

    Maybe she acts like a child because she is one - just because someone has the years doesn't mean they are an adult.

    Oh, and I'd disagree totally with the above opinion, - most people change totally between 17-18 and 25 ish, some again later on.
    .


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    Maybe she resents the fact that you bring this guy along on dinner dates and she feels you should be going together as a couple and not you bringing along your friend as well. Then for him to be jumping into the front seat is like rubbing salt into the wound. . I don't know how often stuff like this happens but you might be contributing to it as well. Does it mostly happen when you bring this friend along ?


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    She does this because it works, if you eventually capitulate to what she wants, so why would she change?

    Its like a toddler having a tantrum in the sweet aisle of the supermarket. If the parent gives in and gets sweets to shut the child up, the child learns thats how they get sweets, so they repeat this process every time they want sweets. If the parent stands their ground and does not give in to tantrums, the child sees that it does not work, and eventually learns other methods of communication or understands that they dont always get what they want.

    Your girlfriend is childish - storming off because she didnt get the front passenger seat? What is she, 12? She should be embarassed as an adult for throwing that strop. Your friend was right to make fun of her tantrum, she should be embarassed by her behaviour. Scarlet for her, tbh.

    My advise is to show her that her strops no longer work. For instance, did you wait for her to calm down/ plead with her to get in the car so you could go to dinner? My response if she stormed back into the house and refused to get in the car would be *shrug* "suit yourself" and you and your friend drive off to dinner yourselves. In an argument, where you feel your view is equally important, dont back down just because she has to be right all the time.

    She needs to learn she cannot walk all over people. Does she insist on being right at work, and throw tantrums there too? My guess is she is smart enough not to. So in the toddler analogy, if she is careful and respectful enough to use her "nice voice" and "use her words" at work, then she can surely extend that respect to the person she is supposed to care far more about than her boss.

    She sounds like a pain in the arse OP, and personally I wouldnt waste my time on her,I'm sorry to be that blunt. But then I dont tolerate people who are more interested in being right than seeing another persons point of view, and I dont tolerate strops designed to manipulate me into another persons point of view.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21 soul_jd


    I entirely understand where your coming from, my girlfriend is the exact same, when she does not get her way she loses the plot, and anytime i try to sit down and talk to her about it, it just mkaes matters worse.
    Almost all of her life she has gotten her own way and her parents buy her whatever she needed.

    Your not alone when it comes to that situation buddy, it is a tough one to call as I am in the same boat, But at the moment I have been having some thoughts with regards to the situation, for example:

    We've been fighting an awful lot lately, and i mean an awful lot, and the majority is down to the same situation that she WILL NOT admit when she has made a mistake leaving you to be the one to apologise, but recently Ive been starting to lose interest in it all, and I'm honestly not bothered about it anymore, I'm tired of the being the one to give in all the time so the last time it happened, I was the one to walk away and say enough, I'm not leaving her childish behaviour degrade me anymore, as far as I'm concerned and the same applies to you too, you leave her continue her childish antics, but show that your done with it, prove that you have enough of it and you have far more important things to be worrying about and you move on with your life, buddy all i can say is that i fit was ment to be it was ment to be. All im trying to get across is that you're just another person too, and you shouldnt be degrading yourself and chasing her the whole time. You need to look after yourself too mate.

    I hope that helped a bit, and I hope things do work out and she does stop acting like that, because believe me, I know how much of a pain in the ass it is!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    My boyfriend says I act this way, that I am childish and demanding. It horrifies me to think that I am. I don't even know that i'm doing what's childish in his eyes, but maybe that's coz i'm guilty of it. He's like the guys above, he is starting to back away, getting sick of me, and will probably soon dump me. I know that I have to stop this, but does any one have any idea how? I noticed I lash out when he gives a different opinion, I should stop that. I need to learn to be a more selfless, tolerable, easy going person. I don't want to lose him. But I'm afraid he won't give me a second chance.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 833 ✭✭✭snafuk35


    Hi all,

    I'm having a major issues in my relationship at present.

    Basically what's happening is that my gf will constantly bicker about the smallest things and she refuses to accept that she can be wrong. She would get something in her head and then she will refuse to believe otherwise, she is determined to be right.

    Example: we were heading to get food with a friend and we were messing about where my mate would hop into the front and call shotgun, my gf refused to get into the back and demanded to be let into the front of the car, when she didn't get her way she stormed off and refused to come to dinner with us.
    She then claimed that he was treating her like a child by laughing at the situation not letting her into the front and generally make fun of the whole situation.

    She now doesn't like my friend because of this and will not admit that it was a bit of a laugh. If I try and convince her but now I'm taking his side even though I've seen both sides of it.

    Stuff like that happens on a weekly basis and she acts like a spoilt child when she doesn't get her way. It's starting to wear on me and it's pushing me away from her every time she does this.

    What can I do? I don't want to break up over this but this stresses me out to no end as I feel I can't even talk to get about anything anymore without this drama.

    Does anyone have any advice?

    Hi OP

    Rule 101 : If you are with a girl and you are going for food (1) you don't bring a friend along and (2) the friend does not take the front seat and she is not forced into the back seat and then laughed at.
    If you can't cop the mistake you made then you don't deserve her.
    I think you need to grow up and to cop yourself on.
    This girl cares about you (arguing with you about little things is her way of letting you know that it is time for you get serious) and by the sound of it is more serious about a relationship than you are.
    She obviously disapproves of your friend who sounds like he should know when to make himself scarce and get his own girl by the sound of it.
    When she says she is annoyed and does not like to be treated like a child you sit up and take notice.
    It seems to me that if she is annoyed by small things which turn into big rows that means you are doing a lot of things wrong and if this is part of pattern then this means she wants you spend more quality time with her.
    If your time together involves her having to endure annoying idiots playing childish games I think she is going to walk before you push her away (her walking away already should be as clear a warning as they come.)
    Wise up fairly snappy before you lose her.


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