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How do you get over someone?

  • 14-07-2012 6:31am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    It seems like a silly question but I don't know how to get past this.
    I've only had one significant relationship which was a serious one and we were together a long time, nearly a decade. I tried being friends afterwards but it was a mistake. I'm not going to forgive and forget and I've decided I don't want this person in my life.

    I've moved on but I haven't moved on. I'm with someone new and I'd only have good things to say about her but a lot of the time I feel sort of detached, like I'm not there in the moment. Like she'll be sending me flirty messages and I'll reply and say the right things but in my head I'm somewhere else and just going through the motions or even feeling down thinking about the girl I used to be with.

    I hate that I can't get her out of my head, that I think about her every day and have to feel angry or miss the good times.
    It's ridiculous, you ditch someone and they're still gettin' on your nerves every our of the feckin' day!

    How do you get over this kind of thing? How do you stop thinking about them?
    How long does it take!?


Comments

  • #2
    Podgers
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 94 ✭✭Podgers


    Hi OP,

    I understand were your coming from I have been there. Being with someone for such a long time its hard to settle into another relationship.

    being friends after a long relationship is impossible and it just doesn't work when the relationship has been "downgraded" so to speak. The only way is to cut contact completely. it can take a long time to get over someone you have been with for so long. Some people can get over an ex quite quickly others my take time. i think you have to settled and happy within yourself before perusing a relationship. Its like asking how long is a piece of string, its different for each individual.


    How long had the relationship ended before meeting this new girl? its sounds to me your not ready for a relationship right now.

    I was with a girl over 9 years and it ended this time last year, in November I met a really nice girl but i just couldn't settle in the relationship, I was detached from her and as the relationship progressed the more distant I was becoming so I had to end it and take more time out for myself.

    Even though you think you have moved on sub consciously you haven't, i was told before and it worked for me that you need to forgive them to be able to release them especially if you have a lot of anger towards them or towards yourself over the ending of the relationship. for example when your relaxed or lying down visualise you forgiving them.

    Separating the emotion from the memory is a difficult one but comes with time


  • #3
    dellas1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    When someone touches our lives and then leaves, what ever the circumstance, it hurts. You never forget anyone like that, but when we are ready to move on, the pain or sorrow moves along with it.

    Sounds like you havent moved on, for what ever reason. Maybe you regret ending it? But you must remember there was a reason you did this. You made the decision you knew best at the time. Is it something you want to pursue? i.e., maybe its not over between you and her?


  • #4
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Perhaps you need some more single time, OP?

    I sometimes think being in a new relationship can be more of a hindrance than a help when you are still getting over someone...the constant comparisons and similarities are almost a greater reminder of your old relationship than being on your own.

    Perhaps you need some time to make proper closure in your own head - get to the point you are glad it's over and you are free to meet someone else and then go do that. A decade is a long time to share your life with someone, I think the process you have to go through when a long-term relationship ends is much like the grieving process - and it can be every bit as individual and take just as long.

    All the very best.


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