So into him!!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Admittedly not the biggest problem in the world but one that's bothering me none the less.

I recently started working in a new bar and the head barman is so sound and sexy that he makes my heart race. the bar isn't that big so often it's just the two of us working. He's very professional and doesn't flirt with me, but we get on really well.

He's not from here so there's a slight language barrier but i luckily speak his language very well so combined we communicate fine.

Without sounding big headed, i know that I'm an attractive girl. The other night in the bar for example, a table of 2 guys and 2 girls called me over just to say how stunning I looked! I'm always getting men buying me drinks and even girls tell me I'm super sexy.

So with that in mind, do you think I should up my game and flirt with him a bit? That's kinda the nature of working in a bar anyway, right?

Or, is this completely unprofessional and silly? Just to add, I'm single but I'm not sure about his status as I never asked him (I didn't want him to think I cared or liked him as silly as that sounds!).

Ps I'm 28 and he looks about 34.

Thanks y'all!!

Beruthiel

Barstoolmule wrote: »

So with that in mind, do you think I should up my game and flirt with him a bit?

That depends.
Are you prepared to go find another job if it all goes belly up?

Lorna123

Barstoolmule wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Admittedly not the biggest problem in the world but one that's bothering me none the less.

I recently started working in a new bar and the head barman is so sound and sexy that he makes my heart race. the bar isn't that big so often it's just the two of us working. He's very professional and doesn't flirt with me, but we get on really well.

He's not from here so there's a slight language barrier but i luckily speak his language very well so combined we communicate fine.

Without sounding big headed, i know that I'm an attractive girl. The other night in the bar for example, a table of 2 guys and 2 girls called me over just to say how stunning I looked! I'm always getting men buying me drinks and even girls tell me I'm super sexy.

So with that in mind, do you think I should up my game and flirt with him a bit? That's kinda the nature of working in a bar anyway, right?

Or, is this completely unprofessional and silly? Just to add, I'm single but I'm not sure about his status as I never asked him (I didn't want him to think I cared or liked him as silly as that sounds!).

Ps I'm 28 and he looks about 34.

Thanks y'all!!

You don't need to up your game and start flirting. You are already attractive so why overdo it and maybe look silly. Be professional in your job that would be my advice and if he is attracted to you he will act on it, but don't you start flirting with him, there is no need to. You will find out sooner or later without flirting if he is attracted to you.

LegacyUser

Ok, I agree with you both and I actually think working hard and being professional is my best bet. I hate laziness and find hard workers really sexy. This guy can swing bottles round his neck while making cocktails and never stands still. He is constantly cleaning or polishing glasses and I find that really attractive so i'll just do the same, apart from swinging the bottles as I'd be sure to smash them:P

Ellsbells

Maybe he is bring so professional because he is not single.

pache

Ellsbells wrote: »

Maybe he is bring so professional because he is not single.

Maybe he's <MOD SNIP>

Pache - continue to post like this and you will soon earn yourself a vacation from PI/RI. We have a very strict charter here - so please read it before posting again. Thanks Taltos

LegacyUser

Or maybe I'm not his type. Alot of people seem to find me sexy and attractive but to him I might be ugly or simply not what does it for him. I know many men that I think are very good looking guys who'd have women falling all over them but they're not my type!
I just wish I knew if he liked me and if he's single!!

Gotta get him drunk...shouldn't be too hard working in a bar:P

dellas1979

Why dont you just take it easy, be nice, and see what happens. Flash him a nice smile here and there without taking it over the top. As mentioned already, this is the place where you work. So, wee'ing (to put it nicely) on your own door step needs to be taken into consideration.

So too does the fact that you are putting out there alot that you are "attractive". So what if you are and you know it, doesnt mean he will automatically fancy the pants off you. Justifying all the time how attractive you are all the time isnt attractive.

Its like you are using this situation/him to reinforce to yourself that you are attractive.

Just be yourself.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote: »

Why dont you just take it easy, be nice, and see what happens. Flash him a nice smile here and there without taking it over the top. As mentioned already, this is the place where you work. So, wee'ing (to put it nicely) on your own door step needs to be taken into consideration.

So too does the fact that you are putting out there alot that you are "attractive". So what if you are and you know it, doesnt mean he will automatically fancy the pants off you. Justifying all the time how attractive you are all the time isnt attractive.

Its like you are using this situation/him to reinforce to yourself that you are attractive.

Just be yourself.

Em, if you read my last post you'll see that I said he may very well think I'm ugly or simply not his cup of tea. My being attractive to some does not mean I am attractive to all and I know this. So saying I think he'll automatically fancy the pants off me is way off the mark. I clearly do not think at all hence my asking if only there was a way to find out of he fancies me, I have no idea if he does and actually think he doesn't if I'm honest!

Piliger

Hi OP. I believe Beruthiel put his finger on the core issue.

CommanderC

Guys do not wait around and let girls they fancy and want to be with just pass by.

If he is into you, he will let you know in one way or another.

LegacyUser

Piliger wrote: »

Hi OP. I believe Beruthiel put his finger on the core issue.

Point taken Piliger...oh, Beruthiel is a girl btw!!

Piliger

Barstoolmule wrote: »

Point taken Piliger...oh, Beruthiel is a girl btw!!

Thanks OP ... though I have no idea how you would know this .. :P ... but it's cool either way.

dellas1979

Barstoolmule wrote: »

Em, if you read my last post you'll see that I said he may very well think I'm ugly or simply not his cup of tea.

Yeah but you seem to keep referring it all back to your looks! Shur we dont know what you look like or if he will find you attractive.

Be nice, do your job, who knows what might happen.

kiffer

CommanderC wrote: »

Guys do not wait around and let girls they fancy and want to be with just pass by.

If he is into you, he will let you know in one way or another.

Sure we do...
I've seen people saying this a lot...
I can think of a few reasons why he wouldn't make a move first.

One of the things you say is that you wouldn't ask him if he's seeing someone because you wouldn't want him to think you liked him... seriously? You want him to make a move but you're avoiding dropping even the usual hints that frankly guys often miss anyway?
You're in work together, there's a bit of flirting but flirting is just flirting and maybe he's not making a move because he values his job...
Maybe he doesn't think your that interested and it would be crossing a line for him to make a move?
Who knows... Why don't you make a move and find out.

Piliger

Barstoolmule wrote: »

Or maybe I'm not his type. Alot of people seem to find me sexy and attractive but to him I might be ugly or simply not what does it for him. I know many men that I think are very good looking guys who'd have women falling all over them but they're not my type!
I just wish I knew if he liked me and if he's single!!

Gotta get him drunk...shouldn't be too hard working in a bar:P

I'd like to see what would happen hereabouts if a man said that about a girl ........

Keep in mind that Beruthiel may be on the money but in reverse. He is a pro. He knows the score with relationships in work. Maybe he is avoiding it for the sake of his career. Maybe he is one of these people who likes 'specific' kinds of girls. Lots of possible reasons.

Zen65

Beruthiel wrote: »

Are you prepared to go find another job if it all goes belly up?

Would he risk his job for a relationship?

Op there's a lot you have not figured out, and it's all crucial to knowing whether or not there's any hope of a relationship starting.

Firstly, you need to establish whether he's single or not. If he's not, then the matter just ends there and then.

Secondly, if he's been there a few years and sees himself as the "senior barman" he may be very wary (and with good cause) of making any move on you. Relationships at work can be fraught with problems, and often the more senior person risks a "sexual harassment" case if they act inappropriately. The only way he's going to make a move (assuming he's interested) is off the premises where he is less exposed to a claim of harassment.

So, establish that he's single and then perhaps casually invite him to join along with you some night when you're out with friends. Then take it from there!

Be at peace.

Z

bouncebouncey

So your post basically adds up to. I think I'm really, really attractive and listed some reasons as to why everyone else thinks I'm attractive.

Now I work with a new guy in a bar and amazingly he hasn't hit on me yet. What should I do?

There are a number of things here. It's not 'the nature of working in a bar' to hit on your fellow employees. You've no idea if he's single or not because you didn't want him to think you care? Maybe grow up and find out his relationship/marital status before you even think about progressing this any further.

He might think it's completely unprofessional to date someone he works with anyway. I really do hope your comment about getting him drunk to see "he liked me and if he's single!!" is a joke. As said, if the sexes were reversed, there might be more made of that remark IMO.

There are a million reasons as to why he might not be into you. The easier thing to ascertain would be why would/should he be into you? The 28 year old who thinks flirting is part of the job description when working in a bar and game playing to ensure that the guy you like doesn't actually think you like him? Also you come across as quite conceited in your posts.

It's a crazy thread really. I think I'm hot and I work with a guy who is not hitting on me, what on earth is going on?

Really? I've worked with plenty of women who haven't hit on me. It's hardly thread worthy material.

CommanderC

CommanderC wrote: »

Guys do not wait around and let girls they fancy and want to be with just pass by.

If he is into you, he will let you know in one way or another.

kiffer wrote: »

Sure we do...
I've seen people saying this a lot...
I can think of a few reasons why he wouldn't make a move first.

One of the things you say is that you wouldn't ask him if he's seeing someone because you wouldn't want him to think you liked him... seriously? You want him to make a move but you're avoiding dropping even the usual hints that frankly guys often miss anyway?
You're in work together, there's a bit of flirting but flirting is just flirting and maybe he's not making a move because he values his job...
Maybe he doesn't think your that interested and it would be crossing a line for him to make a move?
Who knows... Why don't you make a move and find out.

There are many situations where a guy may not make a full on move i.e too shy, she's a work colleague, she's got a bf, he knows she not into him the way he is into her.

But my point was that a guy will always give off signals when he likes a girl. (and vice versa). Even in all of the above cases, a guy is not going to stay stoney faced and give zero indication that he likes her. You will see him give her a big smile or he'll look over at her more often, its the involuntary signals that give it away.

A guy who is doing none of the above, ain't interested (in my opinion) and girls who tell themselves....'he just doesn't want to jeopardise his job' or 'I haven't hinted that I like him enough' are looking for something that isn't there

kiffer

CommanderC wrote: »

There are many situations where a guy may not make a full on move i.e too shy, she's a work colleague, she's got a bf, he knows she not into him the way he is into her.

But my point was that a guy will always give off signals when he likes a girl. (and vice versa). Even in all of the above cases, a guy is not going to stay stoney faced and give zero indication that he likes her. You will see him give her a big smile or he'll look over at her more often, its the involuntary signals that give it away.

A guy who is doing none of the above, ain't interested (in my opinion) and girls who tell themselves....'he just doesn't want to jeopardise his job' or 'I haven't hinted that I like him enough' are looking for something that isn't there

I was going to reply and talk about signals and hints and so on, I honestly think people think that everyone is working of the same hymm sheet on these topics but I think there's such a range of signal to noise that it can be pretty hit and miss... but then I went back and reread the OP...
He's not flirting at all at all...
Flirt a bit, ask to meet him in a non work context, if he doesn't respond *shrug* it's not like you got drunk and threw yourself at him, win some lose some, plenty more fishermen bobbing around the ocean in little boats...
Don't expect the Sun and the Moon.

Also hints aren't worth a damn.
Sorry about the messy metaphors.