I think I have Social Anxiety Disorder

LegacyUser

Up until 1st year of Secondary School I was fairly confident. I would talk to anyone, I voluntary done plays and musicals infront of hundreds of people.

But at some stage during 1st year I became very shy. I stopped talking to so many people. During lunch I would just stand around on my own or stand in a group but not say very much.

I stopped talking in class and hated talking in front of people. I stopped going out with my friends and lost contact with them.

When I was walking through my school or anywhere out in public I would feel like every person is looking at me and judging me, finding all my flaws. I cant talk in public, I cant talk with a group of people.

Im going into second year of University now. I only have two friends from college and thats only because we were forced to talk to each other. I cant ask qyuestions in lectures or leave early because I think everyone is staring and judging. I cant use the public urinals because Im terrified someone will be looking at me.

Im afraid to talk to new people because of what they might think of me. I dont go out socialising, to partys, pubs or night clubs or if I do have to I stay seated the whole time.because I think everyone is looking at me and Im afraid of what they might think. Im terrified they will think I cant dance and that I look stupid.

I think that everyone will think they are better than me. That they think that I dont belong there. That Im too short, ugly etc to there.

Im afraid to call people because I think they wont want to talk to me.

When Im walking down the street and come across other people Im terrified of what they are thinking of me. I alter the way Im walking and pretend to look like I dont even notice them.

I cant eat or drink when other people are around. I just feel like they are staring at my disgusting mouth!

I know that in reality none of that happens but I cant even force myself to stop thinking like that once I leave my house. I know that I am being completley irrational but I just cant help it. What makes it worse is Im afraid to even see a therapist because of what they might think of me.

Im going into second year of University and Im trying to convince myself to see the Councillor once I return.

Sorry if the post is kind of all over the place

Beruthiel

CantTalk wrote: »

Im trying to convince myself to see the Councillor once I return.

Do it.
You've nothing to loose and everything to gain.
Do it asap.

Sycopat

Beruthiel wrote: »

Do it.
You've nothing to loose and everything to gain.
Do it asap.

Beruthiel is wise. Take their advice.

I wish you every success in your second year, especially with this.

DylanII

I know someone who suffered from Social Phobia. The problem is that if you dont seek help then you will never recover.

My friend had it and now is just about done with it. She now has more confidence that I do!

There is plenty they can do for you from CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) to medication. You have to realise (and I think you do) that this is an illness that affects 5-7% of the population at some stage in their lives (to different degrees).

I know my friend found it helpful to put herself in situation that would make her anxious. For example she volunteered to help out at an event that involved her walking around and introducing herself to random people. She had no choice once she was there and she thinks that really helped, but is probably not for everyone.

After she was in therapy for about a year she made a very bold move. She went to do an erasmus year on her own in a country where she didnt speak the language. That really really helped her and the difference was really noticeable when she returned. Once again probably not the best idea for everyone but it worked for her.

I dont know what University you are in but Im in NUI Maynooth and they have a great counselling service and Im sure others do too!

Really do go for it you have nothing to loose and oh so much to gain. Just think that the possibility of doing those things you never thought you could and go do it.

I really hope you get help for this and good luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.

I really do want to get this sorted out. I just wish I could just go to a Councillor today and just spill it all before I loose the courage.

I think that idea of forcing myself into situations that make me uncomfortable is a good idea.

I would absolutely love to do an erasmus year but Im afraid Ill loose my college friends and not talk to people when it. I would love to go somewhere strange and full of snow.

I too am in NUIM and Iv heard the counselling service is great. I hope I can get myself to go once the University opens back up

Thanks for your advice.

LegacyUser

Just so you know that the college counselor in NUIM is open on a part-time basis over the summer months if you live near the college.

Maynooth is a very friendly and open university. People probably don't notice a thing wrong with you (worst case scenario they think you're shy, and let's be honest - MAJOR HOT FACTOR!). I went there and I was like you at the start. I was there a good few years ago, but it's probably the same now as it was then. Get involved in a club/ society depending on your interests and skills - that'll help hugely.

Best way to beat the fear of seeming like an idiot is to actually try and be one around people. You'll probably fail at it... Most do.

Also, CBT is great. But meds are just as good. Give both a whirl. I'd talk to your GP too for more advice. Don't allow them be dismissive, at the end of the day this is a problem for you and they're there to 'fix' it/ offer solutions.

SharpshooterTom

OP, I'm in the exact same boat as you. I have been posting about it for past couple of months on here. I would appreciate if you could read this post I wrote only last week and you might find it strikinly similar (post #9).

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056695778

I also wrote this one with regards to my sexual life (post #50).

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056673945&page=4

Part of the reason why I have become a social recluse is because I feel the whole world is judging me negatively. I feel I am a burden on society and have considered suicide many times over the past. 10 years (I'm 25 now been like this since I was 15).

Initially I thought I had failed my exams for my masters (in the end I didn't) and decided that enough was enough it was time for me to go. I quite dramtically/pathetically used the nintendo Wii cable and tried to hook it up to lights and hang myself. I had a noose all done, but my brother who initially had gone 5 minutes earlier for lectures but returned incase I tried something like this, good call I guess.

My parents were crying, my brother was crying. My dad drove from Omagh to Belfast to come and collect me, I promised for the first time in my life I would get help, at age 25. I have had 8 counselling sessions at QUB, seen a GP whos prescribed me anti-depressants, and had two psychiatrist appointments in Strabane. My next one is 17th of july.

I had social anxiety like you, however I was never diagnosed, I never went to the doctor about it.

Do you want to here the worst of my social anxiety? I was in the halls at Queens University Belfast (I should never had gone in) for the year 2005/06 at age 19, I met a girl on the stairway, introduced myself and went straight to my room and hid there for the rest of the night crying. People came and knocked on my door, I refused to answer. I pretty much avoided everyone for the whole year, not going to the kitchen and avoiding everyone incase they thought I was a freak etc. I'm sure they thought I was weird etc. But its all the past now and theres nothing I can do about it. But I avoided everyone because I simply thought I would be a burden on everyone elses 'fun' by being weird.

Since then I have improved on my social phobia, just simply by age more than anything else. I went to Australia ON MY OWN for 5 weeks, although I stayed in hotels as I felt uncomfortable going into hostels (naturally). It has helped me a lot, I did a lot of group activities, went to the blue mountains, climbed the sydney harbour bridge all that etc.

But I still felt embarresed by never having a girlfriend at near 26, and having no friends, things like that, not being "normal" for my age. And feeling I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life, so thats why I considered suicide. I felt the world hates me and I have weak inferior genes, I need to be culled for the sake of humanity all this self loathing stuff which still regurgitates in my head a lot.

So as I say for the first time in may, I decided to talk about it, 3 months off turning 26.

So yes OP, go and see a counsellor, please get all the help you can get, and don't be afraid to talk about, it can be absolutely destructive and damaging to your self esteem long term if you let this carry on and on uncontrolably. Its not fair for on you and you can be your own worst enemy in these circumstances, and part of your thought processes are probably judging yourself more negatively than other people actually are (or so I have been told at least anyway).

One thing I did OP was wait WAY WAY WAY too long for help, I should have had it back in the halls first year of college. Sat on my arse, let it build, and waited for a suicide attempt.

Things I hope are improving now, I have a book called "Mind over mood" which is a CBT book that deals with changing the way you look at yourself and the perception of the way the world looks at you. It can help rechange thought processes into more constructive postive ones, my GP recommneded it to me, so just going throught that now.

OP do it, you have nothing to lose, these people are trained for this sort of thing, tell them everything and don't hold back. They will help you. Good luck. :)