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Can't move on

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  • 12-07-2012 1:50am
    #1
    sarahbro
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭


    My Nan will be gone 3 years on the 20th of July.

    I can't seem to move on at all. I'm not expecting to be 'over' it by now, I'll never be, but I thought it would be at least a bit easier to deal with.

    I'm after spending yet another evening crying. I know her anniversary coming up is probably playing with my emotions more so but it's constantly like this. All someone has to do is talk about her and I'll be in tears.

    I think the way she died is part of it. She had a slow and painfully undignified death and that kills me. She was such a proud woman. Still going strong, had so much life in her.

    I'm still hurting so much. I can't really talk to my family about how i'm feeling. I know my Dad is still hurting but he's being strong. My Mam is being strong for my Dad. My 2 brothers seem to be burying it to try and move on. And we're all dealing with the fact that Grandad now has terminal cancer.

    My fiance is great and is always there for me .I constantly write to her on here . I just feel like a broken record at this stage.

    I just miss her so much. She was like a second Mam to me. I could talk to her about anything. I feel so lost and I don't know what to do.


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    #2
    Ellsbells
    Closed Accounts Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Ellsbells


    I dont think soulmates have to be your partner / husband / wife.. I truly feel like my nanny was my soul mate. we were so close and I still miss her even though she died in 1990....

    Its ok to miss her but if its holding you back in life then you need to attend some bereavement counselling. There is no timescale on mourning but it wouldnt hurt to chat to a professional.


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    #3
    MarthaMyDear
    Registered Users Posts: 276 ✭✭MarthaMyDear


    Hi there,

    I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I have a very close relationship with my grandmother and even thinking about her not being around in the future brings me to tears. You have to remember that there is no set time frame for grieving. Remember to not rush yourself. It may seem like far away in the future but eventually you will be able to think of her with only fond memories and happiness that she is at peace. What your feeling is perfectly ok. Your not a broken record or anything like that so don't worry :) Just remember that time heals all wounds and maybe try talking to your brothers. You never know, they might be glad that you want to chat and work through your grief. Best of luck :)


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    #4
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    I second trying to talk to someone about this sarahbro - if not your family or fiance then please consider talking to a bereavement counsellor. Bottling emotions like this up will just eat you up and potentially destroy you.

    There are trained professionals out there who are able to guide you through the stages of grief or just help you come to terms with your loss. There is no shame is seeking this help. Many of us try to go it alone - end up bottling things up and the rest of our relationships suffer as a result - outbursts of rage - cutting yourself off from your friends, the list goes on.

    One trick I used is when your thoughts start to spiral down, force yourself to focus on one happy memory - in fact choose it now to have it ready. Every single time you start to feel low pull out that memory and focus on that until you feel the sad thoughts start to slip away. What you don't want to do though is get stuck into a loop of thinking like this - dwelling on the past - that won't help you at all and will just make things worse. Another trick is to occassionally have a chat with the person you have lost, just say out loud you miss them, that you know they love you and you are doing your best to make them proud in living the happy life they wanted for you. For me the loss never goes away - but you do learn how to cope with it.


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    #5
    roadrunner111
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭roadrunner111


    Hi Sarahbro,

    Did you find someone to talk to about your Nan? I hope so. I was worried when I read you were so sad for so long. Grief that goes on for so long can develop into a thing called COMPLICATED GRIEF, which is basically chronic grief. It affects all aspects of your life and once you get stuck in it its very difficult to move on. For your own sake find a professional to talk to. Life is too short and you need to find a way to move on. Isn't that what your Nan would want?


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