Can't come, low libido, whats wrong...

LegacyUser

Ok I'm pretty frustrated..even today have broken out in cold sores on my lips...
I'm in my thirties, seeing a girl in her early twenties. I had a hernia repair done last year and experienced some problems which made me go back to see the surgeon 4 months after who assured me everything was fine and would clear up. I cant tell if its all in my head but I seem to have reduced sensitivity of my penis during sex, at orgasm, even during masturbation. (I have read a list of side effects from this surgery and reduced sensitivity/impotence is a risk factor) I have suffered badly from depression in the past chronically but am really trying over the past few months despite setback after setback and the general gloom - its possible this is causing me, along with maybe performance anxiety to not be enjoying the sex and making it impossible to come.
I fancy her at times but not at others, its strange because that seems to be a result of low libido/lack of confidence -I almost subconsciously tell myself I cant please her so just give up... Now the cringy part she asked me last night what was wrong cos I went limp and just gave up after trying for ages, so I tried to tell her that because I care for her and because shes someone new, I'm having problems being comfortable enough to relax completely and come...that its like a balance, with one night stands there is no affection so its easy to come..cos you know you will never see them again...she didnt believe me and said 'I think you can come with some people and cant with others'...I hope she didnt mean she wouldnt be able to come with me.. I don't know what to be thinking, I havent been in a relationship for about 3 and a half years, and I really get on with her, we have a lot in common, and she's attractive, even though Im convincing myself I dont find her attractive....We've had sex about 4 times over the past 2 months and I havent come any of them........this hasn't happened before. Maybe we're not compatible.... any thoughts?

SheFiend

You seem to engage in a lot of negative thinking. That's a sure way to dampen the libido. Putting yourself under so much pressure to come is the worst thing to do..guaranteed to make it worse. Try to forget about coming. Decide you just want to enjoy the sensations of what's going on, but don't expect to come. When you stop thinking so hard about it; it will happen.

Drinking too much alcohol and / or smoking will also contribute to this. Try cut down / out for a while, if you do either. Also get some vigorous exercise to get the blood pumping and release endorphins to give you a natural buzz and ward off the negative thinking.

Do try some of these ideas, it works :-)

skooterblue2

privatedancer3456 wrote: »

Ok I'm pretty frustrated..even today have broken out in cold sores on my lips...
I had a hernia repair done last year and experienced some problems which made me go back to see the surgeon 4 months after who assured me everything was fine and would clear up. I cant tell if its all in my head but I seem to have reduced sensitivity of my penis during sex, at orgasm, even during masturbation.

I have good news, yep been there and had the Hernia operation years ago. I remember It was so hard to feel a thing and the waiting list was 8 months. I ballooned out with the weight hitting 20 stone. yes its fairly insensitive down there for a good while afterwards but feeling will Return. Cold sores are a bummer they usually recur when you are run down. If this girl is any good she will see past it and stick with you. Yes I was paranoid the hernia would come back again. touch wood the patch has held 15 years. This healing may take a bit more time than you expect.

Hopes this helps

LegacyUser

Wow thanks for the replies guys, skooterblue that makes me feel much better, thanks, hope your sex life is back on track! Whats life without trying to get some lol