wedding favours- abuse!

u_c_thesecond

Hi all

pulling my hair out atm.:( wedding not far away now

My fiance and i have decided instead of wedding favours that we would make a donation to a charity instead.Felt we were spending enough on wedding as it was and that a donation would be put to better use than chocs on a table.

We diidnt make it public what we were doing but if people asked we told them, and its weird how many people asked "what you doing for wedding favours"

We decided to give it to an animal charity as we are both mad animal lovers. We have sent off the donation and today we recieved nice placecards for each table just to say instead of favours a donation was made.

Only now its caused a MAJOR ruccus- my dads furious that i didnt give the donation to a cancer charity, my brothers wife has autism so he screaming at me for not donating to that charity, and my uncle has called me an "attention seeking cow" for donating money- says im trying to look better than everyone else.

:mad::mad::mad:

sickofthiscrap

Oh my god you poor thing, what abuse!

I was at a friend's wedding last friday and the couple donated to childline and the cancer charity. No one batted an eyelid. Other friends did it last year too.

It is up to ye who ye decide to support! My god you don't need that stress!!

ABajaninCork

Oh ignore them. It's petty childish nonsense...

As a matter of interest. If these charities are SO close to your family member's hearts, I assume they donate to them on a regular basis?

Just tell them it's done, shut up and deal with the case.

u_c_thesecond

sickofthiscrap wrote: »

Oh my god you poor thing, what abuse!

I was at a friend's wedding last friday and the couple donated to childline and the cancer charity. No one batted an eyelid. Other friends did it last year too.

It is up to ye who ye decide to support! My god you don't need that stress!!

I think i know why my dad is annoyed- my uncle died of cancer- but he died before i was even born and tbh i dont see why we should have to dedicate our favours in order for him to be remembered. Also my friend donated to cancer for her wedding favours 2 years ago- and her family were all bawling full of drink talking about dead relitaves- tbh it put a real downer on things.

My brothers just a twat- he with his wife 3 years and ive met the woman 5 times and i am sorry she is autstic but i will NOT make that the focus of my wedding meal!

The charity we donated to was a major help to us when our cat went missing 2 years ago- and kept him on their website up till the day we found out he had died, and we wanted to include them in our wedding,they very close to our heart

Ive also been told im selfish for not giving to a childrens charity:rolleyes:

anyone know how i can handle this without saying the above(lol)

ABajaninCork

I wouldn't suggest using my exact words, unless you're seriously peeved...;)

But that is the gist of what I would be telling people. How dare they tell you how to spend your money?? I imagine you couldn't be telling them how to do it, and I wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone else.

FWIW - I think it's a wonderful gesture by you and your fiance, and I'm sure the charity of your choice would be very grateful for the pennies!

u_c_thesecond

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Oh ignore them. It's petty childish nonsense...

As a matter of interest. If these charities are SO close to your family member's hearts, I assume they donate to them on a regular basis?

Just tell them it's done, shut up and deal with the case.

Dont know about my dad but my brother always gives to autistic charities, just like i always give to animal charities, yet im the bad guy!

ynul31f47k6b59

Tell whoever's complaining that in lieu of a wedding gift, you'd like them to donate to the charity of their own choice.


Weddings really do bring a weird side out in people.

sickofthiscrap

My point was that each couple picks whoever they want. The animal charity is close to your heart so go with it.

Tell them it was your decision. It is done and dusted and good luck!

cold case

This wedding thing is completely out of hand! We got married in 1988, didn't have all the crap that goes on nowadays, and we had a fantastic day, and still say we wouldn't change a thing. There is far too much pressure now to keep up with the all the tacky frills. There should be no obligation to give anything to charity in public. Give to charity in private if you want to, but not to cut down on the nick nack assorted rubbish that you feel you just have to do! Who makes these rules anyway? Be a crusader, stop with the costly bits and pieces that most people are not impressed with anyway! Just say NO!

Have a great Wedding Day, but take it from one who knows, the Marriage is what counts.

fleet

Wedding favours?
I've been to four wedding in the last year, including being groomsman, but I had to look that up!

Is it a country thing? I've not seen it done at middle-middle class Dublin weddings at any rate.

u_c_thesecond

fleet wrote: »

Wedding favours?
I've been to four wedding in the last year, including being groomsman, but I had to look that up!

Is it a country thing? I've not seen it done at middle-middle class Dublin weddings at any rate.

well every wedding ive been to has had them so i just follow suit:)

triona1

Ask them both for cash gifts only and say you will donate the money to their chosen charity.

hoodwinked

fleet wrote: »

Wedding favours?
I've been to four wedding in the last year, including being groomsman, but I had to look that up!

Is it a country thing? I've not seen it done at middle-middle class Dublin weddings at any rate.

instead of individual favours we're doing a sweet table so people can help themselves,

OP you did what you wanted to do, as hard as it is in my opinion ignore the abuse and let it go, its not worth you getting upset/stressed over.


you donated to the charity you chose, be happy you re helping the people you say helped you.

you will never please everyone at a party, at a wedding more so it seems no matter what you do someone will get offended so just let it go, and hopefully they'll let it go too.

Acoshla

Wedding favours are a load of shite, I know you've already gone and donated instead of them but I don't think there's any need to do anything for them/instead of them. We're not doing anything, they're a costly pointless waste of space on the tables.

And they're not a "country" thing, they are done in other countries too and have been for years, they just got out of hand expensive here during the last 5 years. Sugared almonds- the Italian tradition that we had here in the 80's/90's - actually had a meaning for weddings, little bottles of drink and candles are pointless.

tinkerbell

OP, tell them to just cop on and grow up. FFS, it's up to YOU what charity you donate. Honestly weddings tend to bring out the crazy in people, it's ridiculous. Donating to an animal charity is lovely and they are ALWAYS strapped for cash so even a small amount will make a big difference. Just ignore your father and brother. Tell them if they are so pissed off over it, why don't they make a donation themselves.

Gatica

Agree with tink, just tell them these charities always get the least attention (cancer and suchlike charities have daffodil/daisy day and always collecting money on the streets, never seen the same for animal shelters) and they're close to your heart. It's your money and you get to decide how you spend it. If they're so keen on donating to their favourite charities, tell them to forgo spending a load of money on drink at the wedding and donate that money to a charity instead.

It's a lovely idea to donate gifts to charity but if you're strapped for cash after your own wedding, nothing wrong with keeping the gifts meant for you.

Also agree that favours are a very common thing. I've been to a dozen wedding over last 10 years and almost every wedding had them. Chocolates in little boxes or organza bags is the typical. Nothing wrong with foregoing them, hardly anyone will notice or remember if you had them or not. We're not bothering with it ourselves anyway.

tatli_lokma

Others have already beaten me to it, but my advice is to tell the people who wish to impose their charity preference on you that you would be more than happy if they gave a donation to their chosen charity in lieu of a wedding gift.

So many people have involvement or been touched by something in their own lives...if we were to worry about choosing a charity close to every guests heart you'd end up giving a €1 to 100 charties! In my own family there is links to a heart charity, MS Ireland, Arthritis Ireland, a hospice, the RNLI, animal shelters and oxfam! and I'm from a small family (deciding who to do the mini-marathon for is a nightmare! lol)

Anyone who would begrude a charity money because they want it to go to their own preferred charity totally misses the point of a charitable donation. You might want to tell them to act more charitably.

Stick to your guns OP - you've done nothing wrong whatsoever.

tatli_lokma

Gatica wrote: »

Agree with tink, just tell them these charities always get the least attention (cancer and suchlike charities have daffodil/daisy day and always collecting money on the streets, never seen the same for animal shelters).

if you want to keep everyone happy, surely there is a charity for kids with autistic dogs with cancer...who are homeless...and have addiction issues...:p

Sleepy

OP, practice using these words an re-arrange them next time someone has a go at you over this:

Yourself
Fuck
Go

Cathmandooo

That's dreadful behaviour! I agree with Sleepy above.

What is it with family and weddings?! Oh you're organising a big day? Let me add stress to that for you, I'm family, you don't expect me to be supportive do you?

I have the rage with family and my wedding :pac:

Though I'm thankful nobody has asked what wedding favours we're doing! I've come to the conclusion that answering 'it's a surprise' generally shuts them up.

ynul31f47k6b59

Lesson to everyone else planning a wedding:

DO.NOT.TELL.ANYONE.YOUR.PLANS.

EVER.

Let them all find out on the day, they'll wreck your head otherwise.

missyb

Beckett Putrid Lumberyard wrote: »

Lesson to everyone else planning a wedding:

DO.NOT.TELL.ANYONE.YOUR.PLANS.

EVER.

Let them all find out on the day, they'll wreck your head otherwise.

Totally agree, just tell them about me, I am not having favours for anyone at all, at least your making an effort and a really nice one too!

abrr1000

Sounds like they are just looking for something to complain about.
You would think that your lack of donation has stopped cancer cure being discovered. Just ignore and don't mind them - you did a lovely thing giving money away to help anyone is nice and is not going to be wasted.

I'm not going to have any favours at our wedding its costing enough as it is.

Toast4532

It's your business and no one else's who you do or don't donate to. You need to tell your family to keep their snouts out.